Autumn Asphodel has changed...for the worse...better? Find out! What are your thoughts on how she has changed?
People say I’ve changed, implying that I’ve changed for the worse. How do people come to this conclusion? What happened to Autumn Asphodel? I will tell you what happened to me. When I first started my YouTube channel in 2013, I did so with the mission of helping other people. I had all these ideas in my head and the strong desire to let out information that was building up inside of me, that I knew could help others. I knew that my experiences and past issues, and how I was dealing with them at the time, could help others struggling.
So, in 2013 when I created my channel, I worked diligently at getting information out. I had no idea so many would watch. Many people saw me as an inspiration and I was thrilled. But, there was a nasty side. The hate from others and backlash over what I was dealing with. I let it get to me and it hurt deeply. You’re doing something right when people who love and hate you are all talking about you. But, like anyone who receives that much attention that quickly, I let it get to my head. I thought I was the greatest and best there ever was, and that everyone else was doing it wrong. But, things started to change. I was working myself too hard and ended up burning out, having doubts, and thinking I was worthless because viewership started to decline. Most people would either think of the latest trend to get attention and viewership, or quit entirely. However, I decided to take a brief break for a few weeks.
During my break, I focused on healing my mind and body since I was overly stressed. But when I returned, the negative feeling of not being good enough stayed. For many years I dealt with this until I got to the point that I didn’t care what others thought of me. The moment I did this, the hate went away, but so did the bulk of the viewership. Not many people care these days like they did in the past, which is truly saddening. I then realized that most people who were following in the past were doing so because they could relate to my old self, the one that was struggling immensely with mental health challenges, self-hatred, and insecurities. I worked so hard to love the person I was and am proud to say I am genuinely happy, yet barely anyone cares it seems. The people from the past do not care since they haven’t been able to do the same.
Yes, Autumn Asphodel has changed, but not for the worse. I have changed for the better. The people from the past may not see it that way, but it’s because they weren’t able to overcome their obstacles and find true inner happiness and love. I teach others how they can get to a more positive place, yet it’s like it went in one ear and out the other. Was no one listening or paying attention? Were they just looking at a pretty face, not caring what I had to say, and following just to see what I looked like in the next video? It sure seems like it.
Not to mention that some people got the wrong impression of me from day one. Since the beginning I’ve talked about healing yourself since you have all the tools necessary to overcome any challenge. I was strongly against the pharmaceutical industry and made that known from the beginning. People also assumed I was some far left liberal just because I am a transgender woman. Yet, my beliefs have also been more conservative, even prior to making videos. People made the wrong assumption, and YouTube promoted my content to the wrong people. Yet, the same people say I’ve changed when I’ve always held these beliefs, but just got more confident expressing them. They tried to stop me from expressing what I truly believe, but I will not back down or shy away from making it known what is near and dear to me.
I have changed for the better, as has everything I discuss since we dive deeper into topics now than I ever have before, and feel confident and happy to express who I truly am. It was scary, and I lost 90%, if not more of my loyal followers doing so, but so be it. I would do it all again since happiness, love, confidence, and the ability to speak freely without the fear of criticism reigns supreme. I want to thank everyone who has been with me. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been following since 2013, or just the past week, thank you for being here through the ups and downs and helping me become stronger and more confident.
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Yes, I’ve changed, of course I have. It’s been a decade since I started making videos, I better have changed or else I’m not learning anything. Yet, people imply I’ve changed in a negative way and I don’t understand why. I’m thinking it’s because I improved my quality of life, while they haven’t gotten any better. It’s sad, but the truth. I will never back down and will continue to be happy and confident, even though most people have turned on me since nothing can beat one’s own happiness.