How to Stop Pushing People Away

Do you push others away because you fear judgment? The reason is often linked to the past, and there is a way to let people in your life again.

If you are constantly pushing others away, despite wanting to be close to them, there is a way to remedy this problem. This topic has been discussed in the past, but we are going to be expanding on this topic to get to the root of why you push others away and ultimately how to actually accept others into your life without resistance.

lonely woman sitting on shore at the ocean looks at infinity
© Cristina Conti

There are numerous reasons you may push people away. One of the reasons is because you fear judgment from others. You think they won’t like you or view you as odd or weird. But, why do you think this to begin with? It goes back to childhood and often society. If you were shunned for being unique and different as a child, then you may be considered an outcast in society. The majority of people may view you as different, even weird, and thus not want to be around you. That is, of course, what you perceive because the truth of the matter is that what you are seeing is not reality, but rather your reality being warped by past negative experiences. If instead you focus more on being comfortable with the person you are, then you will attract those who also value you for who you are. Related, you may also feel like you don’t deserve happiness or people in your life. Maybe you prefer being alone, or rather you think you do.

All of this can stem from childhood trauma where you may have been ostracized from society, shunned by your parents and peers, and even labeled an outcast, thus resulting in you having a perception that you are all alone in the world. This idea of being all alone then manifests as you then push others away so you can be alone. You feel alone, because you allow yourself to feel alone. With the vast amount of people in the world, there is no reason why anyone should feel alone, yet they do. And it has to do with your reality being shaped by your past experiences.

This is one way to not push others away, don’t let your past determine future relationships. What happened in the past is done and over. It’s essentially your learning opportunity, your wake up call, to not allow the mistakes from the past, and the pain you felt, to happen again. However, you may perceive this as rejecting others before they can hurt you because you’ve been hurt in the past. But, when you really drill down to it, you’ll find that you’re even more unhappy being alone when you push someone away then you are when you allow them into your life, even if they don’t end up abandoning you. And the reason why people abandon you is not because you are weird or an outcast, but because you have unresolved trauma from the past that is manifesting in the present so you can learn and overcome it. This past trauma resurfaces because your mind, body, and spirit are telling you that it’s finally time to heal. Yet, you’re not getting the signal.

Young Asian man sitting on rooftop of abandoned building
© zephyr_p

So, the best way of allowing people into your life and no longer pushing them away is to connect the dots from how you are now to your past. Are you suspicious of a current relationship because of your past ones? If so, this is a connection to the past that needs to be let go. Or are you pushing others away so they cannot hurt you and abandon you, because you were abandoned when you were younger and in past relationships? Again, that would need to be let go.

How you let it go is to sever the connection between the negative past experiences you’ve had, and the ones you’re currently in. Until you can mend the wounds from the past and learn the important life lesson that you’re being taught, then you will forever be in a vicious cycle of attracting people that will abandon you, or you will abandon them since you’re connecting the past experiences with your current one. Learn from the past experiences, better yourself, and you will find that some people may need to be cut out of your life as you attract new people that are different from the ones you’ve been attracting when you had the negative mindset.

Finding this article helpful?

Consider donating to help support my website and content. Your support makes a huge difference!
I'm already where I want to be

A negative mindset attracts negativity and pain. If you continuously connect the past to the present, you’ll be unable to learn and move on and attract people who will abandon you. If instead you form a new connection from a place of learning, stability, and honesty, then you will find that the people you’re attracting are very different from the past and there will be no connection. It’s the negative anticipation at the start of the relationship that ultimately leads to abandonment. Learn from the past and you’ll be able to move on from it and attract better people whom you can truly connect with, that you won’t connect to your past of pushing others away.

Let me know how this works for you. Have a great day!

Additional Info

As someone who pushed so many away, I realized the true reason I was doing this, because it was connected to my past. My past doesn’t define me. It made me who I am, yes, but it’s something to learn and grow from. Once I did this, I attracted people into my life that truly appreciate me, and I can express myself around without fear of judgment.


Love & Relationships

About the Author

Autumn Asphodel
Autumn Asphodel helps others live a better life through natural means, hard work, and dedication.

Get my FREE eBook & New Videos!

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments