Summary: The inner voice of narcissistic parents continues into adulthood, controlling your life. However, there are ways of stopping this inner destructive dialogue, and it starts with standing up to it.
If you’ve grown up with narcissistic parents who abused you, belittled you, and abandoned you, then you likely have dealt with psychological problems since a young age that have persisted into adulthood. These problems seem to control your life, just like your parents once did. Even if you are out of your parents’ household and perhaps have no contact with them, it still feels like they are controlling you in some way. What is causing this?
This feeling you have that your parents are still in control over you, even sabotaging your life and success, is the inner voice you still retain from your narcissistic parents. When we are young, we are highly suggestible, and thus the people that raise us and are around us the most become a part of our subconscious mind. When we are an adult, we will have that voice within our mind of our parents, sounding exactly like them, sowing doubt, or even encouraging us, depending on how we were raised. When our parents are narcissistic when we are young, this voice becomes controlling and dominating when we become an adult. This voice becomes intrusive and limits us from leading a happy and successful life. We think we have escaped from our narcissistic parents, but they are still there, within our mind, causing even more harm than they did when we were young.
Most people are completely unaware of this inner voice and don’t correlate current issues with the past. However, both are tightly connected. If you listen closely to the voice, even if it doesn’t sound like your parents, it may have the traits of your parents or resemble them in some way. Perhaps your mother was controlling and verbally abused you, while your father always put you down and made you feel worthless, like you were never enough. Does this reflect how your current life is? You will often find that it indeed is since you may feel that you are not good enough or worthy. You may have a glimpse of success and feel you are undeserving, and even hear a voice telling you that you’re not worthy. You may try on some nice clothes that make you look great, only to hear that you are ugly and worthless and that no one will ever love you. These inner voices are your narcissistic parents. Once you recognize that, then true healing can begin.
The first step is the recognition part. Second is to reprogram your subconscious. Perhaps you are already seeing a therapist, and maybe it’s helping to a degree, but if you are not drilling down to the core of the problems, which is your parents, then you will not make any progress. You have to be willing to allow yourself to be vulnerable and express how the past made you feel, letting out the negativity in an appropriate manner.
Another key element is your reaction to this inner voice. Whenever you hear those words of negativity coming from your inner voice, what is your reaction? Often you’ll find it brings you down as you succumb to it. You let that voice have control over you and determine how you feel. It’s a voice from the past, but it controls you in the present, and sabotages your future. Instead, you have to be willing to stand up to the voice and dominate power over it. You may hear it say that you are ugly when trying on new clothes. But, dominate it and show you have power over it and say that you are beautiful, putting the negative voice in its place. You’ll hear the voice make you feel worthless, but dominate control and prove to it that you are worthy of success. You have to be willing to stand up and make it clear, be forceful and dominate the voice. There are no repercussions or punishments anymore since the voice is just that, a voice. It has no power or control over you. Rather, you give it power by listening to it. Make sure it is aware of that and put it in its place.
In order to overcome the inner voice and dialogue of your narcissistic parents, you have to stand up to the voice and let it be known that you are strong and in control of your life, not some pathetic voice trying to bring you down. Your parents no longer have control over you, since you are a free individual.
Let me know how this works for you. Have a great day!
Almost everyone I have spoken with that has some sort of past trauma has the inner dialogue of their parents that continues into adulthood. This persists and controls their lives, yet they are completely unaware of it. I even had this inner dialogue for the longest time, and never thought it was due to my childhood. But, it was. I stood up to this voice, and to the people who actually made me feel this way, and I felt a sense of relief and freedom. I felt like I could be myself without being controlled by some outside influence. It wasn’t easy, but it is the best thing to heal from past issues.