Bad Breakup? How to Heal
Summary: Breaking up with a partner causes immense pain, and we may hold onto it for years. But, there are several key points to help you heal and move on to become a better person.
Have you gone through a bad break up and feel like you cannot move on? Perhaps it was your partner that ended it and you are wondering what’s wrong with you and if you’re unlikable. You may beat yourself up over the breakup, blaming yourself for things you may have done wrong, or that you think you screwed up, but it’s important to also realize when it’s time to move on.
The truth is, most relationships end with someone or both people getting hurt. The pain can be so deep that it can make the individual feel sad for months, or even years. When you continue to let it get to you, the sadness becomes chronic and you’ll have a harder time moving on from it. Depression will control your life, making you unable to form new relationships, and will lead you down a dark path of being more alone as you continue to blame yourself for your wrongdoings, and the reasons why no one likes you.
A breakup is difficult, especially when things ended poorly, and when there hasn’t been any closure. But, here are a few things to be mindful of to help you heal and move past it. The first thing being to know where you made mistakes and what you’re unnecessarily beating yourself up over. You’ll find that you are blaming yourself for things that weren’t your fault, and may also not be taking responsibility for other things that are. Oftentimes we are unable to see our own faults, so it’s important to talk with someone who’s on the outside that can give you a different perspective to help you through the difficult time. Not everything is your fault, but if you keep beating yourself up over it, you’ll be unable to attract new people into your life since you’ll always blame yourself which is an unattractive trait.
Second is to learn from the past relationship. Even with breakups that have ended terribly, you were with this person for a reason, and the longer you were with them, the more memories you have. Thus, take something positive away from the relationship instead of looking solely at the negative. There are plenty of good memories you can take with you, and plenty of skills you learned, so reflect back and see the positive. Perhaps they taught you a valuable life skill, or maybe you’re a better, stronger person now after being with them. Whatever the case is, the person has taught you something, but you may not see it yet. Furthermore, if there was no closure in the relationship, you may feel even more pain and want answers, even going so far as to stalk the person you were with. This is because you’re not looking at the full picture and instead just seeing the end result. Zoom out and see the entire relationship and what you can take away from it to become stronger and wiser.
And lastly, give yourself time to grieve and then realize that there are plenty of others out there you can connect with. When we are young, we think our partner will be with us for a lifetime, like they are ‘the one.’ But when it doesn’t last, we feel heartbroken and like we can never love again. That is a narrow minded way of looking at life, so change it. Give yourself time and space to be angry, sad, and then happy again with someone even better.
Breaking up will cause you intense pain, and it may take time to move on, but it is possible. Combine these three tips and you will not just move on, but will attract someone even better since you’ll love yourself deeper and be mentally and spiritually stronger.
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I’ve only ever dealt with one romantic breakup in my life, so I don’t have much experience there, but I do have experience with many people I considered friends who suddenly stop talking with me. I blamed myself, thought I was the problem, but realize now what they were all trying to do. They all had their own issues and problems, but the take away was that I needed to mature and grow to let go of my fear of abandonment. I needed to be abandoned by people close to me if I wanted to heal, and that’s exactly what I did. I don’t have that fear anymore and don’t feel the need to push people away out of fear, then cling onto them when they are in my life. Rather, I just let things be as they are and if the other person stops talking, then that’s their right, but I no longer take it personally.