Summary: Can you forgive those who have wronged you, or do you hold a grudge? Is everyone worthy of forgiveness? To heal, you must forgive.
Do you believe that everyone deserves forgiveness? What about people who commit heinous crimes? Or those that personally harmed you or your family? Do they deserve forgiveness? Did you give a ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘it depends’ type of answer? Think about your answer and why you came to that conclusion.
Surely a ‘no’ or ‘it depends’ answer would be the most common. Does everyone deserve forgiveness? Well, it depends on what they have done, right? Usually you will find that people cannot forgive everyone, especially those that have done harm to them or their family. The lack of forgiveness forms a grudge which is unhealthy.
So, why are people unable to forgive? When someone has done something so bad to you, such as violate your trust, go behind your back, cheat on you, or even things much worse, you form a hatred towards this person in your mind. This hatred can grow and even consume you if left unchecked. This is a natural response, and we all do it, but it doesn’t actually help us. All it does is make us more angry, hostile, and frustrated. It may even lead us to doing destructive things in return to get back at the person. If that is the case, then we have not learned anything from the negative experience and instead are being uncivilized and immature. This, of course, is a natural human response.
Deep down you know someone that you have resentment towards for what they did to you. Thinking about it brings up anger and frustration. You may even want to get back at them because you hold a grudge. It even influences your life in many other areas when you really think about it. But, imagine now the idea of forgiving them for what they have done, without expecting an apology in return. Can you do it? If not, we’re going to discuss some ways of going about this.
As we’ve discussed, resentment towards another makes you get all worked up and angry, without anywhere to release it, which may make you want to seek revenge. Put the breaks on and channel that energy into something productive. All the negative energy that comes up can be utilized in an efficient manner to make sure your voice is heard and you actually have a cause to fight for. An example, perhaps there was a loophole in the law that allowed someone who physically violated your child to get a lower sentence or not face jail time. You may want to see this person rot in jail for what they have done, but they are set free. Do you hunt them down and try to ruin their life? Some people do, but this is immature. Rather, channel the energy into something that is going to help. Perhaps this had to happen to expose the loophole in the law so that you could start a movement to patch it up and ensure criminals pay the time they deserve. You start a movement and make progress at ensuring that no one else has to suffer the way you did when the abuser was set free.
Secondly, forgiving another is about forgiving yourself. Perhaps you blame yourself for what happened and this leads to shame and guilt. But, is it really your fault? You have to forgive yourself first and realize the lesson life is teaching you. Yes, we all make mistakes, and maybe you did screw up, but that doesn’t mean you cannot learn from it to be more prepared for the next time.
And lastly, let go of negativity and forgive. There is an emotional journey of forgiveness. You feel hatred towards another, even guilt for what you have done, but it all leads to you being able to forgive the other person. No matter what they have done to you or someone close to you, it is your duty to forgive them. Why? Because forgiveness is a sign of healing. It truly shows that you have healed from the wound and are ready to move on. The inability to forgive leaves you trapped in a negative state. So, you must go through that difficult journey to heal yourself by forgiving those who have wronged you.
It is difficult to forgive, but it is the most beneficial thing you can do to move on from past trauma and things that have caused you so much pain. Forgive those whom you hold a grudge against, and motivate yourself to do something productive about it, such as educating people on how to heal, and you will find true happiness and no longer live with pain, guilt, or resentment towards something that happened in the past.
Let me know how this works for you. Have a great day!
I used to have hatred and grudges towards those who have wronged me, even looking for ways I could get back at them. Even now these feelings come up, but then I think about ways I can be productive with those feelings, change things in the world, and even educate. The most difficult thing was confronting people for what they have done, yet being verbally attacked while doing it. I knew that these people were trying to delegitimize what happened, and even tried their best to gaslight me, but it didn’t work since I’m a strong person who can see straight through it. Learn to forgive, and you’ll find this happiness and strength as well.