Denial & Resistance | Releasing, Letting Go, & Allowing
Summary: Letting go of resistance and denial and learning to allow can be a tricky task since one is not usually aware of what they are in resistance to. Ultimately it is counterproductive for recovery since one will become those exact things they are trying to run away from. Learning to come to terms with it, facing and working through the negativity, and letting go and allowing positivity is the key to overcoming the issues at hand.
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Hi everyone! This video is going to be about releasing resistance and denial, and learning to let it go and allowing. We all have obsessed over things, been in denial, resisted certain aspects of our character in an unhealthy form at one point or another. It’s natural and not a problem until we continue to repress them and it become a subconscious attachment, usually a subconscious attachment to a negative situation and resisting those repressed memories or emotions. A person may not realize they are in resistance, and ultimately it shapes them into a person that is, in fact, a match to those exact things they are trying to escape from and not acknowledge. When one can learn to let it go and allow, after they have discovered what the problem is, then improvement can be made. It’s the same principal as don’t think about a piece of paper. The only thing you will think about then is paper until you can direct your focus to something else.
This is evident with those that have experienced trauma or have abandonment issues. They are trying to escape from thinking about or experiencing those negative emotions. But, the fact that they are resisting the negative emotions associated with the problems, it inevitably comes back time and time again, relieving itself in a vicious cycle. Those with abandonment issues may choose someone that will abandon them because their abandonment issues from the past have not been resolved and they will end up reliving it over and over again. If they are not able to go back to those traumatic memories of abuse and/or abandonment and face them, they will continuously repeat and relive them. That is, of course, all subconscious until a conscious attempt is made to address the root cause of the behavior.
The trauma caused them, subconsciously, to repress, deny, block out those troubling memories and emotions, whatever else is associated with the traumatic event. A barrier is created and the only way they can improve and overcome the nightmares and flashbacks is to go right through this barrier, uncover the traumatic memories, feel the emotions, and learn to deal with the situation to ultimately go beyond that barrier, and not be trapped behind it. This takes a lot of work, especially since a lot of it is in their subconscious and can be blocked out. For this reason, it’s not as simple as ‘just think positively’ or ‘don’t worry about it,’ ‘let it go.’ While those are all things that need to be done in order for the person to overcome the issues at hand, it takes a lot of work.
So, I will now discuss some ways of how you can recognize any resistance or denial you have, and make your way towards the goal of learning to let it go and allow positivity to manifest in your life.
Learning to lessen resistance can be a tricky task since the number one step is to recognize it. But, the truth is, you may not be aware of it. When you are in denial and blocking things out, it moves out of your conscious mind and into your subconscious. And that is the problem. Because it is still there and you are not aware. But, it is what is causing the problems in the first place. You keep telling yourself one thing for the reason of separating yourself from the negative situation. This creates denial and is counterproductive since you will become that which you repress.
Let’s take an example with some who has anxiety when in public. In order to lessen their anxiety they avoid it. They don’t acknowledge it and keep resisting the anxiety by not going out in public because they know in their mind that it will cause them anxiety. Yet, the act of not going into the public is, in fact, contributing to their anxiety. They become more and more anxious as a result. This is because they are creating resistance and denial within themselves and not addressing or facing the behavior. However, they are not aware they are getting more anxious as a result of not facing the issues.
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The mind wants to heal and overcome the anxiety, but the individual is working against that healing process. So, in order for them to change the behavior, they need to recognize this resistance and make steps to face the anxiety, and not run away from it. It’s those exact things they are trying to run away from that will inevitably catch up to them. It’s counterproductive to run away from the negative of the situation as the person will become that which they are trying to resist.
So in order to recognize it, you have to have a conversation with yourself. For this person, it would mean asking themselves why they are feeling anxious? They do not have the answer. So then they ask, “What am I doing to cope with the behavior?” The have no answer either, but begin to see a connection where they tend to avoid things that are causing them anxiety. This is their coping mechanism. Then they would ask how avoiding the situation is helping them. Their answer is that it is putting off the anxiety so they don’t have to deal with it and address the issues. That is the resistance, and the moment they realize they are trying to ignore their anxiety issues, they will also realize it’s that denial that is causing them the anxiety in the first place. They have all the answers by understanding what they are in resistance to and listening to what their emotions and feelings are telling them. When they are willing to take the steps in a positive direction, then they can positively change.
I will now discuss ways of learning to let it go and allow when you have gotten to this point.
Learning to Let it Go & Allow
After you have recognized the resistance or denial you have that is causing the problems, and are willing to work through the issues, it’s time to learn how you can let go of resistance and allow positivity to manifest so you can ultimately improve.
When you have had attachments to negative memories or events for years, it can be a challenge to let that go. However, a powerful technique is to learn to be in the present moment. In other words, mindfulness. I will have a more detailed video about this at some point which I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description. But anyway, how this works is you teach yourself to observe what is going on in the present moment. At this exact point in time, what is happening? It’s not the past reliving itself, nor is it attachments to anything in the past or future. And furthermore, it’s not being attached to what is going on in the present but rather to observe how things currently are and letting go of them.
A good technique to get you started with this is, let’s say you are feeling angry. Imagine your anger before you and you can see that attachment you have with it. Sometimes it can be helpful to envision clouds or a stream of water or something that will allow you to release it. So, let’s take clouds for example. You see the clouds and you see your anger in the clouds. And then what you do is you let it dissipate. However, you do not want to force it. In other words, you do not want to try and put effort into getting rid of it because that causes resistance and it’ll fight you back. Instead, see it dissipating on it’s own. It’s natural for it to do so and when you learn from repeated attempts, you’ll be able to let it go easily and effectively.
Another technique is to learn to allow positive change. When we are conditioned a certain way for so long, we can be very rigid with any kind of change, especially change that involves our psychological well being. Sometimes we can be intimidated when we see any sort of improvement because we may not feel worthy, or it feels strange to address the repressed psychological issues that are causing us the problems in the first place.
This is also the phase where relapse phases can deter someone from success. For you see, there cannot exist positive without negative. So, in order for you to feel positive, you have to go through the negative and understand that there will be moments that it will seem even worse then before you addressed the issue. This is a minor setback that should be seen as a positive sign since there is never a straight path to your goal. When you realize that there will be times, even after recovery, that the negativity or your past will come back. But, when you have the ability to let it go and release that fear and resistance, then you will allow the positive change to manifest.
Relatedly, accepting positive affirmations are an incredibly powerful way of learning to allow the positive to come into your life. I have a video dedicated to this that I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description. [Positive Affirmations] But essentially, this works by allowing you to release the negative attachments you have and be determined to work towards your positive goals. In other words, it’s about giving yourself suggestions to invoke positive change for positive reasons. It’s not to change to escape the negative, but to go towards your positive goals.
And lastly, believing in your recovery and success. This goes hand in hand with allowing the positive since you cannot accept the positive outcome of the situation until you believe in yourself and know you can make it through. Believe you can make it through the tough time. When you can see that you are deserving of positive change and do not try and fight against it, then you can see the positive outcome unfold.
So in conclusion, being in denial and resistance to negative situations and events is counterproductive for recovery since you will become those exact things you are trying to run away from. Learning to come to terms with it, facing and working through the negativity, and letting go and allowing positivity is the only way of overcoming the issues at hand. I hope this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!
Being in denial can be quite a challenge to come to terms with since one essentially dissociates from part of themselves and their thoughts. I’ve found that by being in the present moment thoughts flow to me, mainly things that I repressed. This happened because I didn’t tackle those issues at the time. They were resurfacing because my mind wanted to heal by bringing it to my attention so I could overcome it. So, instead of suppressing it even more, I did something about it and overcame the problem. Now, if any intrusive thoughts come to mind, I can easily let go of them and focus on positive future goals.