Using New Friends to Compensate for Lost Friends
Summary: Have you recently lost a friend and are seeking out new ones to compensate for the loss? This never ends well, but there are ways of properly healing.
Have you had a good friendship or relationship go bad and you can’t find someone to replace that friend and fill the void within you? Perhaps you are forcing yourself to make new friends to compensate for the ones that are no longer around, yet to you it is never good enough. What causes this and how can you remedy it? It may not seem as hard as you think.
If you keep trying to make new friends to compensate for past ones that were lost, it’s often as a result of you not being able to move on. This creates a negative coping mechanism that forces you to seek out replacement friends to fill the emptiness you have within you. But since you can never find someone that is as good as the friend you’ve lost, it’s a self-destructive cycle where you continuously feel bad, make new friends, only to let them go as well, or they abandon you as you may seem needy and clingy.
During the time where your friend leaves your life, whether it be by them passing away or a loss of the friendship, that is your time for self-reflection to learn and grow from the relationship to become stronger. This step is often skipped during times of intense sorrow as being grateful for what you had is being overshadowed by fear, anger, and loneliness. So, take some time and reflect on what you learned from the relationship you had that is no more and be grateful for what you had.
Also for a period of time after the friendship ends is for you to dedicate time to yourself. This is a moment of self-reflection and self-growth where you reflect on your life and the major event that just occurred, and where you want to proceed from here. Just like being grateful for your past friendship, this is a moment that you should focus on yourself. Take some time away from your busy life to give yourself a moment to calm down and rationalize the thoughts and emotions going through your mind. After a strong friendship is no more, your mind will be all over the place, so making quick, impulsive decisions are not wise at this time. Rather, you need a break and time off.
And finally, realize that there are other people out there that will accept and love you. It may seem impossible after a good relationship ends, but it’s not. While the new people you meet in the future will be different, that doesn’t mean they can’t be good friends with you and still fill the friendship and relationship needs you desire. It will be different from the previous ones you had, but that’s what makes it interesting.
So, when a friend is no longer in your life, realize that rushing into new friendships right now, when you are highly vulnerable, is not a wise idea. Rather, take some time off and reflect on your life, learn from the past relationship, and realize that new people will come into your life once you have done the necessary inner work. You will be stronger and wiser and attract even better relationships by approaching them with a confident and strong foundation.
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Friends come and go, and I’ve had many come into my life and leave. I used to let it bother me so much that I eventually didn’t trust anyone enough to even let them in. After I did start to trust, fortunately I didn’t seek out others to compensate for ones that were lost since by that point I realized that I really only need a handful of good friends in my life as opposed to a bunch of mediocre friends. I choose my friends wisely, and while we may not always see eye to eye, we still connect on other levels and build each other up.