Breakups are never an easy thing. It’s hard on multiple levels. Emotional pain, difficulty communicating, and not wanting to make your partner upset are all reasons why people have a hard time speaking up when they are no longer interested in a relationship. But, what is worse? Being in a relationship you, and perhaps your partner, do not like day in and day out, or speaking up and saying what’s on your mind to either remedy the relationship, or break it off? The latter seems harder, but it’s actually the easier of the two options.
When you are in a bad relationship, where there is constant fighting, no communication, and even cheating, it seems like common sense to break it off. But, why do so many people actually have a hard time doing this. For one, they may feel their feelings are one sided, that only they are the ones who are unhappy in the relationship, and thus do not want to upset their partner. They choose their partner’s happiness over their own and sacrifice their right to happiness to be complicit with what they think their partner wants and needs. Many times though, the feelings of discomfort in a relationship are two-sided, yet neither may speak up due to fear the other one doesn’t feel the same.
Another reason people have a hard time breaking off a relationship is because of the intense pain on both sides that will be felt. Even if you and your partner no longer get along well, there was a reason you connected in the first place, when you were happy, and you may both be wishing for this back. So, breaking it off could make you both think back to positive memories and it’ll bring about pain.
And lastly, many people have hard times communicating about how they truly feel. You may have an abusive partner who will shun you for speaking up, or you simply fear the judgment from your partner. Men especially have a hard time communicating since many are conditioned by society to hide their feelings and “man up.”
Whatever the case is, these are all blockages that prevent you from speaking up about how you truly feel, causing continued unhappiness within the relationship. Despite how difficult it is, the first priority is to speak up and try to work things out. If there is something your partner is doing to upset you, then it’s your job to speak up. If you don’t, the problem won’t just magically go away, Rather, it’ll grow and become much more problematic. It’s important to set a boundary of what is and isn’t acceptable, as well as make reasonable compromises. Communication is needed for this, so speak up.
If all avenues have been explored and the relationship cannot work out, then breaking up is the last resort. Identify the time to break up. When a relationship no longer serves you, and no avenue can be pursued to allow you to be happy, then a break up is necessary. Communicate with your partner when both of you are alone and in a relaxed environment. De-escalate any negative situation before saying you want to break up to avoid additional pain and conflict.
This will be hard for you and your partner. Be kind and respectful, even if they are not, and communicate with them about why you would want to leave the relationship. Be sure to have a list of things that are problematic that cannot be worked out in the relationship, and why it’s best to break things off. Your partner may be upset, as will you, but remember the happiness you’ll both have by leaving what is no longer serving you behind.
The whole purpose of a relationship is to learn and grow, so take away important life lessons to better yourself and improve future relationships. Perhaps you did many things wrong that your partner cannot forgive, so better yourself to not repeat this pattern in a new relationship.
If a relationship ends on bad terms, there may not be much of any closure. So, if you have trauma from the relationship, it’s important to speak with a therapist to get you through this tough time. You will deal with situational depression, and it’s important to go through this process to heal and lift yourself up so it doesn’t turn into chronic depression. Just because one relationship went badly, doesn’t mean they all will.
Standing up for your happiness is what makes you strong. Never hold yourself back and you’ll find true happiness and a partner that respects you. Not all relationships work out, but you can take away an important life lesson from each one.
Let me know how this works for you. Have a great day!
I’ve only ever been in one relationship that didn’t last. But it taught me important life lessons. While I’m still friends with the person I was in a relationship with, not every relationship works this way. But some do, and it may be best to just be friends and forgo a relationship. In the end, it worked out for the both of us. If a relationship isn’t meant to be, don’t let it bring you down.