Summary: Has someone betrayed your trust? Here are some ways of being able to properly communicate and learn to trust again. They really do work!
You have a friend, family member, spouse, or even coworker that you trust with information, or with an important task. The trust you’ve built with them over the years has been profound. Yet, one day they betray you, go behind your back, and it hurts. Perhaps they share your secret with others, or they intentionally don’t do the important task you requested of them. You don’t know what to do, and find it hard to trust them again. What do you do?
There are several key elements when it comes to trust being broken and when, or if, it can be repaired. You will be hurt, and if it’s happened to you many times in the past, then it can really hurt and bring back bad memories. There may even be thoughts going through your mind that you cannot trust this person ever again. Or you become suspicious of others to the point that it is harder to form proper relationships.
If someone has broken your trust, the first thing to always remember is that it is not your fault. A lot of times you will replay the events again and again within your mind wondering if you miscommunicated or did something that would lead to the other person betraying you. Of course it’s a possibility that you miscommunicated, however the past is done and over with, and you cannot change it. You have to move on.
If you truly feel like it’s your fault, then you have to communicate with the other person to understand their side and why they betrayed you, or if they even realized they betrayed you. It’s possible there was a miscommunication that needs to be addressed and you’ve been obsessing over it too much, yet the other person had no idea. So, talk with them to understand better. If they are truly your friend or a close family member, then they will be honest with you.
Relatedly, you may feel really down by the betrayal because it brings back negative past memories. Perhaps you grew up in a household where everyone betrayed and abandoned you. You finally let some people in and they betray you. These flashbacks make it seem like you are reliving the events all over again. However, the truth is that you are not your past, nor are you the things that happened to you in the past. The past does shape your future, but only as much as you let it. And if you’ve made significant progress to be able to trust after growing up with betrayal, then congratulate yourself instead of focusing so much on the negativity.
And lastly, if you’ve done all these things, and continue to find it hard to trust again, not only will it take time to be able to trust again, but also set some boundaries going forward to slowly rebuild that trust. This is a process and it takes time. The last thing you want is to terminate the close friendship. That is a last resort and only when all other options have been exhausted should that happen. So, be strong and determined to remedy the problems between both of you.
Trust is earned. Do the people you are around have a positive track record? If so, then they may be trustworthy people. Only give your trust to those who truly deserve it. You will find that people will come into your life that are truly worthy of your respect and trust. The ability to trust also makes the relationship stronger and more profound.
Let me know how this works for you. Have a great day!
For the longest time I had an issue with trusting others. This was largely because of my childhood of constant betrayal and abandonment. People would say one thing and do the opposite, including family members. This broke me down and made me not able to trust others. It was a long process but I got to the point where I was able to trust again. I had to be betrayed by people I started to trust to help mend and heal those wounds. That was when I truly began to heal. I now trust a few people, and am skeptical of others, as is natural. I go with my intuition and listen to it. People earn my trust.