Are You Gay if You Love a Transgender Person?

If you're a cisgender individual, in love with a trans person, does that make you gay or bisexual? You'll find the answer can be quite complex depending on your unique attraction.


A question I get asked quite often is if a man is gay if they are in love with a transgender woman. This is quite a complex topic, and you may be wondering if you are gay if you are in love with a woman who was initially born a male.

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A transgender male to female individual is someone who was born a male and transitioned to female, often by presenting as a woman, hormones, and surgery. Likewise, a female to male is the inverse, a man who was born as a female and transitioned socially and medically to become a male. While a cisgender individual is someone who identifies as their birth sex and doesn’t transition.

So, you may be wondering, if you are a cisgender person that is in love with a transgender person of the opposite sex, does that make you gay since they were initially the same sex as you? The short answer is no, but it’s actually a bit more complex than that. I will give specific examples to help break this down and express my beliefs on this topic.

If you’re a cisgender man, and you are in a relationship with a transgender woman, then you may wonder if you’re gay. But, what makes you think that? Is it because you don’t consider the transwoman to be a woman? Perhaps she looks and acts like a woman, but you still have the idea in your mind that since she was once a male, that must make her still male, right? The honest truth is, your reasoning is valid since the transwoman isn’t a cisgender female. She transitioned using hormones and surgery to get to where she is today, but nothing can change the fact that she is and will always be biologically a male. You may think you’re gay since you love someone who isn’t really a female, and to a degree that is true, but you have to look more towards your actions to determine your sexuality.

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If the transwoman doesn’t present well as a woman, and she’s not taken many steps to be a woman, such as not having sex reassignment surgery, meaning she still has her male autonomy, then you wanting to engage in sexual acts with them would indeed be a sign that you are gay or bisexual. This is because a straight man wants a woman, and sexually wants to be with a woman with female genitals. Since the transwoman has male genitals, there is absolutely nothing feminine about that and thus you engaging in sexual acts with this person would make you at the very least bisexual.

However, there is another layer of complexity, and that is you may not like other men, but rather only cisgender women, and transwomen regardless of their genitals. That can fit into another category where you are fine with male genitals, but only on a person who visually presents as a woman. But the fact remains, a straight man would not be comfortable engaging in sexual acts with another person that has male genitals. Alternatively, if you’re straight and in love with a transwoman who had surgery, and you treat her like you would a cisgender woman, including sexual acts, then your interest is not in the male genitals, and thus would not be bisexual or gay.

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This is a complex and controversial topic, but the easiest explanation is that if you think you’re straight but are fine having sex with someone that has the same genitals as you, then you’re not straight. You may not necessarily be bisexual or gay, but it’s not possible to consider yourself to be straight.

Let me know how this works for you. Have a great day!

Additional Info

I’ve had this question asked many times, and it’s usually a straightforward answer, but it also really depends on the individual and what they are attracted to. It makes sense to me that a male who is interested in a transwoman with male parts and wants to engage in sexual acts with them is obviously gay or bisexual. A straight man would never want this. As simple as it can be, still many people are unsure.

Published:

LGBT / Transgender / TranssexualBisexualGay / LesbianSexualityTransgender / Transsexual

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Autumn Asphodel
Autumn Asphodel helps others live a better life through natural means, hard work, and dedication.

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