Do opposites really attract? What type of opposing views may spark our interest? Let’s talk about that now.
Hi everyone! We are going to be discussing opposing views and opposites attract. I’m sure we’ve all heard the saying that opposites attract. In science classes, we’ve learned about positive and negative interactions with atoms, and how the opposites attract and the same repel one another. But, does the same apply to human relationships?
Often when we look for friends, or especially a romantic partner, we only look for similarities. But, it’s the differences that really test the relationship. It can be so exciting to meet someone who is so similar to us as it makes us feel less alone. We finally found someone who just gets us and understands us on a deep level. Compare that to our total opposite who never understands us. But, a relationship between two individuals that are highly similar is a recipe for conflict. Let’s put it simply as to why the same may not work out in a relationship. Think of it as a tug of war scenario. Each person is battling for their rights, freedom, and ability to express themselves. For instance, if you are a natural leader, and prefer to take the lead with everything, and you are with a partner that also likes to take the lead, that creates a conflict of interest where both of you are battling for the right to be dominate.
Often times in relationships and getting to know new people, we look for what we can connect on, our similarities. But, it’s our differences that will break the relationship. What is the worst trait you dislike about someone else? The trait that will be a deal breaker in any relationship? If you know what that is, and begin to understand your friends and romantic partners deeper to see what different views you all have, that could be a place to start over what you two share in common. Would it not be much more effective to bring to the surface all the things that make you different than it would to talk about your similarities for weeks and months, and then only realize that they possess the deal breaker quality that you cannot stand?
There are certain traits, however, that are the total opposite of us, at the present moment at least, that we do find attractive. Specifically what this means is that we tend to look for a partner that will give us what we want that we lack within ourselves. For instance, we may fear social interactions and have great anxiety when around people. But, deep down we desire to be social. We try many times, but it just causes us stress and more anxiety. We may then look for a partner that is a very socially comfortable person who has no problem meeting new people and forming friendships. We may become interested in this person, not so much for them, but for the quality they possess that we desire. It’s the same as successful business ventures. Let’s say someone has been in a highly creative field for a few years and are struggling to sell their products. Their interest may be someone who has been in the field for much longer and is more successful. No matter how you look at it, we see the traits of others as how it would apply to us. When we want a specific trait as our own, we look for it and find people who possess it. However, this doesn’t always mean a romantic relationship would work.
Likewise, we could become interested in someone the total opposite of this trait we desire that will ultimately let us down. This dilemma is a sign that you have not moved on. For instance, if you are needy and fear abandonment due to past issues of abandonment and feeling alone, we may fall in love with a partner that will ultimately abandon us because those situations from the past will keep coming back until we have resolved them. The abandonment by the other person may not be intentional. Perhaps they work a job that requires them to be away at the opposite time you are working, and thus you feel alone. Whatever the case, unresolved conflict keeps coming back so we can learn to overcome it.
So you may be asking, what would be the ideal relationship type? You cannot have completely the same, nor can you have completely the opposite. Rather, it’s a combination of the two that can provide the correct ratio of balance. Almost like two sides of the same coin, it’s different parts and different views, yet still part of the same core being. This is how we should look at our relationships. That we share a lot of common ground and similarities, yet we are completely different in many other aspects that ends up creating a more unified, fuller relationship filled with more possibilities and growth. Like putting together a puzzle. You both have different pieces, but both do the action of bringing it together and do your part so it stays together. It’s a mutual effort and everyone involved has to do their part.
Think of it also like a push and pull relationship. One person does the pulling from one end, and the other does the pushing from the opposite end. Two separate actions, yet still the same core that is being moved. This core being the relationship, and the push and pull being you and your partner, both working together, harmoniously. However, this balance could be tipped and one could be doing more work than the other. This creates conflict. Let’s take it a step further, if you two are on the same side, let’s say both you and your partner are pushing, then a relationship is so large that you cannot see beyond it and not see what is along the path and you could crash. Likewise, if both of you are pulling, and you are not paying attention to the other side of the box that begins to get holes and pieces of the relationship fall off. So, that is why it is so important to have total opposites in relationships, and why we love total opposites with some traits, but also have some similar core values that both people work together towards.
Relatedly, realize that human relationships are not only difficult, but many people do not wish to put the time and energy into them. If you find yourself in a situation where you are pushing or pulling too much and your partner isn’t, or you are not even involved in the action of the relationship, like sitting inside the box and your partner doing everything, then it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. The number one most important key in a relationship is communication and making sure everyone is on the same track and path. Compare it once more to the box metaphor. If you partner is pulling and heading towards the left, and you are pushing heading towards the right, the box, or relationship, cannot go both ways. So, communication is necessary to make sure everyone is on the same path and doing their part to maintain the relationship. If you cannot speak up to your partner about their lack of effort, or even your own lack of effort, in the relationship, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to risk additional conflict. If you want to resolve the troubles with the relationship you need to make your voice heard and also hear out your partner.
So in conclusion, a relationship is difficult. We must each do our part to maintain it. Opposites do certain attract, but there must also be a balance and a unified set of core beliefs that can keep the relationship going. Don’t think of a relationship like tug-of-war, but rather a harmonious push and pull in a unified direction. One person doing their part of pulling, and the other doing their part of pushing. I hope this information was informative and helpful to you. Have a wonderful day!
From ConsciousED: If you and your partner often argue without ever resolving it, you may want to give yourselves time to build a healthier relationship before occupying the same place.
I never understood the concept of opposites attract until I met some people that I become friends with that had very similar core beliefs, yet were totally opposites in many other ways. But, the opposites is what made it even more interesting. Nevertheless, a balance is what is required. A complete opposite with core beliefs can create major conflict!