People lie for a variety of reasons, including shame, conditioning, and even attention. Dealing with people who constantly lie mostly has to do with not giving into their lie and understanding their reasoning for deceptiveness. The truth will set you free and is the only way for people to begin to trust you again.
—CHAPTERS— 2:42 – Why People Lie 8:17 – Dealing With Liars
Why do people lie, compulsive lying? And how can you deal with these people? Find out now.
Hi everyone! We are going to discuss lying, why people lie, and how to deal with people in your personal life that lie. We all lie. Every single one of us. I’m guilty of it. You’re guilty of it. We all do it. The severity and length we go with our lie is a different story, however. It’s completely natural to lie and exaggerate. We may feel ashamed of it at times, but we all do it for a variety of reasons. I’m sure we’ve all heard the story when we were younger that when we lie that our nose would grow. That may have scared us, or even tempted us to see if it was true.
While it’s not true in the dramatic sense that is often portrayed, we do end up, theoretically, hanging ourselves with constant lying due to it getting to the point that we may no longer be able to keep up with it and others begin to figure us out.
What about minor lies, or white lies? This usually applies to small lies to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. For instance, a friend tries on a piece of clothing they want your opinion on, but to you they look a bit chubby in it. You may avoid telling them this, and if they ask, you simply deny it and say they look fine. You know that if you were to tell them the truth that they may feel hurt and less confident, which you feel is your job to make them feel the most confident they can be. A lie about that is not necessarily a big deal. So we mostly will be discussing severe lies that keep getting deeper, like digging your own grave of lies.
The lies we hold within us may haunt us as they begin to pile up, one on top of another, and turn into something scary that seems unmanageable. We may realize just how deep we are in when we have to keep up with lies. We have multiple people to inform about our lie, perhaps all with different versions of the actual story. It will become impossible to keep up with all of it if you continue to fabricate the truth. Just why do we lie then? There are many reasons and I’ll discuss them now.
Why People Lie
People lie for a variety of reasons. Let’s start back at childhood. Perhaps we were raised and conditioned to lie to impress our parents. How many of us when we were younger faked being sick because we didn’t want to go to school? I’m sure quite a bit of us have. Or what about when that continues to be something we do today with work. Well, it all begins in childhood. Perhaps we see what we can get away with, that our parent’s believe, from lying. If we can get a free day from school, what else can we do with just our words? Other reasons for childhood lying include conditioning. Specially what I am referring to here is that perhaps your parents told you not to share what was going on, even if it was a serious matter. Even going so far as abuse being done to you that you are told to keep secret and not tell anyone, or else. The ‘or else’ is key here since at a young age, we tend to fear our parents and consequences that may ensue if we act up and go against their wishes. We try to impress them and be on their side. So, when we are deeply affected, and even traumatized, by something that occurs at such a young age, and we are told not to tell, then we will repress what happened and not share. If we share, we may feel shame.
Shame is another reason for lying. As was with childhood, we feel obligated to keep what happened a secret because we fear the consequences. As we age, we begin to feel that we have to lie because we are trying to cover something up. That thing being covered up, is shame. Let’s say, for example, you don’t like something about yourself. Perhaps you spend too much time on your computer, or play too many videos games, or some other activity to deal with problems in your life since it helps you escape from them. If a friend or someone asks you what you spend your time doing when you are at home, perhaps you lie and say you go out with friends, have a good time, and are very popular. The reason you have lied is because you may not want to expose the fact that you don’t have those things, which deep down you desire. You desire to have friends and connect with others, but you don’t have them. So then, you feel ashamed when you are thinking about your lonely life at home. In other words, it’s avoiding the real problem here which is to face your shame and problems you feel so you can work on achieving what you truly desire.
Another reason people lie is for shock value and sympathy. How many of us have heard people fabricate a story to make it seem more important than it actually was? It just doesn’t seem legitimate to us, and the person is making up the story often to impress other people because they may feel alone. As with the previous example, the person all alone at home may come to work and lie about their weekend with friends. They have to one-up everyone there because it boosts their ego. That is how they feel better with themselves.
This leads us into the next reason why people lie, for personal gain, as in antisocial and sociopathic personalities. You will often find this behavior in the cluster B personality types, which are antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic. Usually those that exhibit compulsive lying, as in lying just for the sake of lying, often fall in this category, specifically antisocial and narcissistic personality types. There is often a lot of stigma associated with people in these categories, as they may be viewed as psychotic and dangerous, which certainly is not the case with everyone. Often people who exhibit these traits also share many if not all of the previous reasons why people lie bundled into one. They may have been raised to lie and it became conditioned within them. They may feel shame as a result, and they feel the need to lie to impress people. But they may also take it a step further and lie and commit fraud to scam people to improve their own life, disregarding other’s emotions and feelings, which tends to be not something they show interest in as they are portrayed as being self-involved.
While we all lie, dealing with those that lie, especially when we know they are lying and won’t confess, is a different story.
Dealing With Liars
Dealing with people who lie in your personal life is a challenge. If you don’t know that they are lying, then they could take advantage of you and the friendship. Otherwise, if you do know they are lying and they deny it, then that can pose a different set of obstacles. The first thing is to try and understand the reason for their lie. Perhaps it’s one of the things in the previous section. Perhaps they are conditioned to lie and do so at any opportunity. Perhaps they enjoy keeping things a secret and don’t want you to know, or are ashamed. Whatever it is, there is a reason that will give you a clearer picture into their world of lies.
Next, don’t give into them. By feeding into their lie, believing them, and even praising them or backing up their lie with them only validates their behavior. They view in their mind that it’s okay to lie, and with your support and giving in, they have more validation to continue doing so. If you give them attention and sympathy for their lies, then they will use that to take advantage of the situation when it gets rough. Rather, give them a chance to confess and admit the reasons to determine how to proceed next. Approach them and say that you know what they are saying or doing is a lie and that you will not support it or back it up.
If you are the liar, realize that the truth will set you free. The truth outweighs lies because it can get you farther than lies can. Almost like going down two roads. One being the path of lies and the other the path of honesty. The path of lies looks easier and with less obstacles, but just out of sight there is a dead end. The path of honesty, however, may be challenging, but at the end of the road you are rewarded. The truth will always give you a sense of relief and satisfaction, despite how difficult it is. The truth will allow you to go places you are unable to go with lying and fabricating the truth.
Again, if you are the liar, it will be difficult, and maybe even impossible, to regain the trust from others. Some people will want nothing more to do with a liar, even after they have begun to veer away from lying and on the path of honesty. This is not something you can control. If you’ve been lying for many years, it’s natural for people to doubt you and never give you trust again. Honesty builds trust, so when you violate that, it’s hard for people to stay by your side during rough times. Understand this on both ends, whether you are the liar, or the ones having to deal with them, because it’s hard for both sides when someone is deceitful in a relationship or partnership.
So in conclusion, people lie for a variety of reasons, including shame, conditioning, and even attention. Dealing with people who constantly lie mostly has to do with not giving into their lie and understanding their reasoning for deceptiveness. The truth will set you free and is the only way for people to begin to trust you again. I hope this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!
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Lying has been something I’ve done mostly due to shame and feeling like people shouldn’t know certainly things about me, or hiding myself. I still lie about things, of course, but to a much lower degree, unless it’s something that I don’t want someone to find out. Though, I usually trick people more than I lie to them. Also, I feel this was one of my best videos to do since it is such an important topic. Not only that, but I feel it was really well done since a lot of the information just came to me and I felt it turned out well.
My name is Autumn Asphodel and I am a motivator and coach to help others live a better life through natural means, hard work, and dedication. After overcoming my own obstacles in life, such as trauma and abuse, and struggling with my gender identity, I embarked on the path of self-healing and am teaching others how they can do the same to overcome hard times in their own life.