Is it possible to please everyone? Are other’s opinions of you relevant? Find out now.
Hi everyone! We are going to discuss pleasing others and why it’s not possible to do so. Many of us try to please other people, especially those that have different views and opinions than our own. We may put so much effort into making someone else happy that we neglect ourselves. It may even get to the point that we change how we truly are to impress others, doing things that are not how we are just to get someone to notice us and even be on our side and praise us. But, the honest truth is that it’s not possible to please everyone.
Just why do we please others? There are a number of reasons we may do so. Because we dislike conflicting opinions opposite our own, we may have abandonment problems where we make a frantic attempt to keep people in our life by doing anything for them, or even because we don’t know how to stick up for ourselves and dismiss irrelevant opinions others have. You can take the opinions of others as threats and a judgement towards you, or view them for how they are, just opinions that you can listen to and learn from.
There are going to be people who disagree with you, your lifestyle, anything and everything else. That’s the beauty of the world, that we are all different, diversity. However when you have problems with your own self-esteem and think other’s opinions matter, then it is something of concern as you may then try to change how another person feels to make you feel better. That is something I have personal experience with when it comes to trying to make people view it from my point of view. People would judge me, say hateful things to me, and it would affect me and I had to defend myself by trying to convince them that I am not the way they are seeing me as. But the truth is, there is no way to change someone else’s mind. They have to change it on their own.
What about when it comes to when you put yourself out for others? There is a difference between being kind and doing things for others, versus fundamentally changing who you are to make someone else happy or trying to talk someone into agreeing with you. You can do favors for others and not expect anything in return, or being generous. But, when the motive you have for doing something for someone is because you feel obligated or want to try and impress them out of fear of losing the person as a friend, for example, then that’s a problem.
So, how can you then stop trying to please others and taking their own opinions so seriously? I’ll discuss that now.
How to Stop Pleasing Others
The number one thing is to realize that you cannot please everyone. Realization is key so that the steps following will be easier. When you continuously believe that you can change other’s opinion of you, then you will get nowhere in regard to overcoming the obstacle of simply just being you and dismissing things that are not relevant to you. There will be people who agree with you and are there for you, often called friends, and then there are others that will disagree with you and even put you down, sometimes called enemies. If you let the person who disagrees with you define you, then you will feel upset and depressed, like you are a failure. If you try and try to make the person who disagrees with you agree with you, then you may as well be throwing away your true friendships since the people who matter are the ones you should be focusing on, not the one that is putting you down. We tend to focus more on the negativity since it hurts more and exposes our vulnerabilities that we try to hide.
This leads us into the next step, to find who you are and what you enjoy doing. What sorts of things do you like to do? What activities and dreams do you have? Are they your own, or are they founded upon making someone else happy? For instance, trying to not disappoint your family by going for a career you are not fond of just to make them happy with you and not upset them. I have a video dedicated to this about staying true to yourself that goes into more detail. I’ll have an annotation and a link in the deception if you would like to check it out. [Staying True to Yourself]
Learn how to let others down. I know that may sound harsh, but in order for you to be true to yourself, you have to stand up for yourself and say ‘no’ when you truly do not want to do something or if something is affecting you. I talked about if it’s possible to be too nice and being taken advantage of in a separate video so I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description if you would also like to check that one out. [Being Taken Advantage Of] When you say ‘no’ to others, you shouldn’t be thinking you are sabotaging your relationship with them. There is no reason to think they will dislike or even hate you for letting them down. Rather, this is about you and doing the things you want to do. Going back to being generous, it’s nice to put yourself out for someone every once in a while, but when it’s all the time, then you are neglecting yourself.
And finally, work on yourself. Realize that you are not here to please others, but to live your life to the maximum potential. Your true life and goals do not revolve around making others happy and pleasing them, but respecting them and doing what is best for your life. Opinions are just opinions. They do not define you. Rather, you make a conscious choice to let them define you. You determine if they define the person you are. If you don’t let them define you, then they have no control over you. Any negativity someone says about us should be viewed more as a learning opportunity for us to improve ourselves, instead of a threat which brings us down.
So in conclusion, pleasing others is something many, if not all, of us have done at one point or another. However, it is a fruitless endeavor since trying to please others will get us nowhere. Other’s opinions only matter for us to learn from to improve ourselves, and not take personally and bring us down. I hope this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!
Pleasing people, especially those of opposite views and opinions, is something all of us have done. We think everyone likes us, or try, which is simply not the case as there are people who will disagree with us no matter what. I know I sure have tried to get people on my side and it took a toll on me. Thinking that there were people who would view me so negatively, and saying things that just weren’t true, and me trying to make them think differently was pointless and stressful. I could’ve put more energy into those that actually matter versus those that simply don’t. I learned from this in time.
As for the video, I wasn’t that happy with how it turned out. I feel it was too simple and short and could’ve been longer and more thought out. But unfortunately, that’s not how I did it. Sometimes I’m incapable of thinking about a topic and perhaps should come back to it at a later date instead of continuing to work on it.