Hi everyone! I need a break from making videos and humans. I feel like what was fun has turned into a chore. I use to love making videos, learning about the various topics I discuss, and even communicating with others. However, I feel so much obligation now that it’s made me quite depressed over the past few months, primarily just the first four months of 2016. So, I really need to take some time off away from making videos, from talking with humans, and just have some time to myself. So, starting today I will be doing just this to help myself be able to reclaim this desire to make content and talk with others. If you are someone who messages me on Facebook, I will be turning messages off and you will not be able to send messages. I will get back to you when I’m ready, especially if we are friends and have regular dialogue. Also, please continue to submit questions and other things on the forms linked on the contact page of my website. These will be used for later videos of course. You can always find links to my website, to the particular article of the video you are watching, in the description of every one of my videos.

I mainly want to use my break to simply just relax for a bit, and to come back with a fresher mind so I can make meaningful content. If I continue the way that I have been, while feeling the way I do, then I’ll be completely miserable with my life. I’m taking at least two weeks off, if not maybe even a month. And when I return, I don’t want to be on a schedule of making videos each and every Friday. Rather, it’s going to be a more irregular schedule, just like it was when I first started back in 2013 and 2014 and felt so much healthier and had better energy and desire to make content. You may see a video on Monday, and then maybe that Friday, and then maybe not another for like a week and a half. Who knows? Unless I should just keep it on Friday, and skip a week here and there. I don’t really know yet, and you are more than welcome to give me suggestions, despite me dramatically limiting the amount of comments I’ll be reading since that too seems so overwhelming for me.

I am rather depressed with my life as of late, due to a variety of problems I’m facing in my life, primarily with my health and just not feeling any drive or motivation, and I think a great part of it is due to feeling so overwhelmed with this work and talking with people. I don’t know how my break is going to affect my channel stats. I mean, that has been rather discouraging to me as of late anyway, which is another reason that it’s bringing me down. I see all those downward arrows telling me my stats are steadily going down, such as views, watch time, subscriber count, and income, which is primarily how I pay for my expenses and invest in my work here. Despite how many subscribers I have, the bulk of the actual content I produce gets very little views. Some videos do, and I can usually tell which ones will before publishing them. But, the ratio of subscribers and views is very low. I could easily change my content and make clickbait titles and thumbnails that draw in the views and subscribers, like what you see here a lot on YouTube. You see a video that has a title that does, in majority, not reflect the actual content of the video. I find this so annoying and misleading, yet it’s successful. This would go against everything I believe in so I will never be that way, unless it was a channel dedicated to this misleading content that technically doesn’t go against YouTube’s terms of service.

Regardless, I spend more time then you can imagine making these videos. First comes the idea phase. This is not a problem since I have so many written down and requested to me. Then I do a rough draft of the script, and read it over multiple times to get it all out. Then I record it, edit the audio, edit the video, edit the information for the video including the thumbnail, followed by captioning the video, uploading the video, adding it to my website, and sharing it on my social media sites. Then followed by reading the feedback I have for the video I worked on. This takes like a week by itself, leaving me no time to focus on other things, which I have a strong desire to. If I had the money, I would hire people to do some of this work and I could have more free time. But I don’t know anyone who can do this work for me. For now, everything you see and hear is all my work.

For those of you that do not know, I love programming and web design, which is why I developed my website. I want to focus on that a bit more since I have a lot of ideas for it. I also have another YouTube channel, Iris Fae, dedicated to mostly guided meditation audio. [Iris Fae] I want to work more on that since I’m passionate about it. I want to be able to sell my recordings to have another source of income, but haven’t set anything up yet because I haven’t made the time and want to get more recordings available. I’m even working with a few others to get a version with background music. Still looking for more people to work with me, so don’t feel hesitant to reach out on the form on my website if you are interested in working with me. But right now, I’m not passionate about this channel, Autumn Asphodel. It’s bringing me down at the moment.

I do want to thank all of you for the continued support. I would not be here saying that I need a break to begin with from my work if I wasn’t able to make this a thing to do for a living. You’ve helped me in so many ways and I will forever be thankful. I’ve met so many friends from different countries that I speak with regularly. People all over the place that have a different connection with me, sometimes a transgender related connection, or anxiety, or depression, or anything else. I value each and every one of my friends, the people I can call friends, and even all you others out there that may be behind the scenes that have watched my videos and perhaps were too afraid to message me or comment on my videos. All of you are important and I’m happy to have you all in my life. We’re about to hit 100,000 subscribers and it’s remarkable to be there after nearly three years of being on YouTube. I couldn’t have done this without you all.

I will be coming back at the maximum of a month. I already have a few videos either fully recorded or ideas of what I want to talk about. But there will be changes, such as less frequent posting of videos, perhaps an irregular schedule. But, the quality of my content will only improve which is what you all deserve. You don’t deserve to see me on here struggling and overworking myself just to make a video about trying to help yourself, when I can’t even help myself. I’m doing this so I can improve and be the best I can be on here. I will see you all very soon, even on my Iris Fae channel, so be sure to check it out if you haven’t already since I want to have equal time to dedicate to both types of content. That is, informative content here, and implementing those concepts in a meditative, hypnotic manner, and even other ASMR content I have ideas for that I have had no way of doing yet because all my energy is focused here.

See you all very soon. This is not the end, but the start of a new beginning for me and my life. Thank you for watching! See you soon!

Additional Info

After a while of constantly working myself, and developing some health problems, I decided to take, yet another, break. I took one earlier in 2016 when I changed some things around. But, that was more of me trying to get my new setup going. This time, I’m taking a break with no work for a bit. When I return, it’ll be different, but better for me to be able to continue with the informative content I have been able to make thus far.


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Mia Pepper
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Mia Pepper

Please take care of yourself Autumn. You are very appreciated and I look forward to your return.

Raven Von Theis
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Raven Von Theis

Take your time. I hope everything will be better for you.

Nathan Morgan
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Nathan Morgan

Take care of yourself, Autumn. We all need to take a breather every now and again. You are truly inspiring. Take your time and relax.

Amer Begic
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Amer Begic

Have a good time Autumn.Stay safe and stay healthy and come back when you feel like it.You are one of the best and most inteligent people I know.You will be missed by your fans while you’re away.I wish you all the best.

Sam Rose
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Sam Rose

For me as a consumer of your content, your personal happiness and well being transcends the need or desire for new content on an exact schedule. Enjoy your time off – considering the massive amount of effort you put into your work, you deserve a break. Sending many positive, happy, and otherwise majestic vibes your way, Autumn. =)

Jo Smith
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Jo Smith

Watched your video and gutted you will be having a break as i can relate to some issues you discuss.
But we all need time out, hope to see you soon back on top form.
I was recently diagnosed with PD & pseudo psychosis and your videos helped me a lot to come to terms with my issues and a better understanding of personality disorder
So i would like to thank you and you have helped me a lot.
I have been trying to email you but no luck, :o(

Jo Smith
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Jo Smith

I’m from London, UK, (Debbie)

Alexis Gurney
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Alexis Gurney

I wish you all the best, and hope that your health issues are resolved very soon.

Brittany Duckworth
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Brittany Duckworth

You need to take care of you. That is of the upmost importance. It is so good that you have realized this and are acting on it. I look forward to when you start doing your videos again. Take care Autumn.

David Jackson
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David Jackson

Take care autumn love

Michal Zavalec
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Michal Zavalec

Hello. I like you so much Autumn. You’ve been in my heart the first second since I watched your videos in yesterday. Have a very nice and relaxing your time off… sending you friendly hug and kiss -:))

Shawn Gallant
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Shawn Gallant

I just wanted to let you know that you’ve done a lot for me through your videos without even knowing it. You are a wonderful person and you have very kind eyes as I saw the first time I saw one of your videos. Thank you so much for your impact on others and myself.

Michael Jahnke
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Michael Jahnke

Is Bridget still there? Hello Bridget. Do you want to chat some time? I miss you and feel bad about being so rude. AND, Autumn, I encourage you in your decision. I recently quick my graphic art job that I had for many years to work on my own art. It’s turning out WONDERFULLY. I believe you will be happy with your results and time off. You go girl :)

Marco Garza
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Marco Garza

Good for you Autumn, take some time for yourself and reconnect with your inner self. I support you all the way. Thank you for blessing us with your courage to speak out on issue that are difficult to talk about. I find comfort understanding and satisfaction in your videos and your work. I know you put so much effort in all that you do, and you do it out of love and care for us. I used to manage a YouTube channel as a volunteer for a museum and I used to do all the editing and posting. I can… Read more »

Jovany Hernandez
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Jovany Hernandez

I recently was diagnosed with DID… But the problem is im struggling with it cause i truly dont recall the sessions with mu psychiatric… How can we have a mental illness like DID without being aware of it… Im so depressed right know and i dont accept the diagnosis…

Liz Bugarin
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Liz Bugarin

Hi Autumn, I just stumbled across one of your youtube videos today that was made back a few years ago. (Basically I’m new) I just wanted to comment that just that one video really moved me to tears. Although I do not have DID, I felt this strong understanding of each personality that really reached out to me. I still have yet to watch your other videos (which I’m working on) but I hope this comment reaches you and your host and I thank her for being brave and willing to upload that video. Otherwise I wouldn’t have become aware… Read more »

Katharine Louise Frost Hemingw
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Katharine Louise Frost Hemingw

“One cannot pour from an empty jug” A break is THE foremost necessary, Health, all encompassing, is Extraordinary urgent and vital. Take a Good break , your work and impeccable creativity will be thankful that you took this Positive step. Relax, only do what is Absolutely needing taking care of. Yourself basically ~ never ever forget How much you are loved and how much Love and care you give. Have a much needed refreshing rest Autumn ☺️