Hi everyone! I need a break from making videos and humans. I feel like what was fun has turned into a chore. I use to love making videos, learning about the various topics I discuss, and even communicating with others. However, I feel so much obligation now that it’s made me quite depressed over the past few months, primarily just the first four months of 2016. So, I really need to take some time off away from making videos, from talking with humans, and just have some time to myself. So, starting today I will be doing just this to help myself be able to reclaim this desire to make content and talk with others. If you are someone who messages me on Facebook, I will be turning messages off and you will not be able to send messages. I will get back to you when I’m ready, especially if we are friends and have regular dialogue. Also, please continue to submit questions and other things on the forms linked on the contact page of my website. These will be used for later videos of course. You can always find links to my website, to the particular article of the video you are watching, in the description of every one of my videos.

I mainly want to use my break to simply just relax for a bit, and to come back with a fresher mind so I can make meaningful content. If I continue the way that I have been, while feeling the way I do, then I’ll be completely miserable with my life. I’m taking at least two weeks off, if not maybe even a month. And when I return, I don’t want to be on a schedule of making videos each and every Friday. Rather, it’s going to be a more irregular schedule, just like it was when I first started back in 2013 and 2014 and felt so much healthier and had better energy and desire to make content. You may see a video on Monday, and then maybe that Friday, and then maybe not another for like a week and a half. Who knows? Unless I should just keep it on Friday, and skip a week here and there. I don’t really know yet, and you are more than welcome to give me suggestions, despite me dramatically limiting the amount of comments I’ll be reading since that too seems so overwhelming for me.

I am rather depressed with my life as of late, due to a variety of problems I’m facing in my life, primarily with my health and just not feeling any drive or motivation, and I think a great part of it is due to feeling so overwhelmed with this work and talking with people. I don’t know how my break is going to affect my channel stats. I mean, that has been rather discouraging to me as of late anyway, which is another reason that it’s bringing me down. I see all those downward arrows telling me my stats are steadily going down, such as views, watch time, subscriber count, and income, which is primarily how I pay for my expenses and invest in my work here. Despite how many subscribers I have, the bulk of the actual content I produce gets very little views. Some videos do, and I can usually tell which ones will before publishing them. But, the ratio of subscribers and views is very low. I could easily change my content and make clickbait titles and thumbnails that draw in the views and subscribers, like what you see here a lot on YouTube. You see a video that has a title that does, in majority, not reflect the actual content of the video. I find this so annoying and misleading, yet it’s successful. This would go against everything I believe in so I will never be that way, unless it was a channel dedicated to this misleading content that technically doesn’t go against YouTube’s terms of service.

Regardless, I spend more time then you can imagine making these videos. First comes the idea phase. This is not a problem since I have so many written down and requested to me. Then I do a rough draft of the script, and read it over multiple times to get it all out. Then I record it, edit the audio, edit the video, edit the information for the video including the thumbnail, followed by captioning the video, uploading the video, adding it to my website, and sharing it on my social media sites. Then followed by reading the feedback I have for the video I worked on. This takes like a week by itself, leaving me no time to focus on other things, which I have a strong desire to. If I had the money, I would hire people to do some of this work and I could have more free time. But I don’t know anyone who can do this work for me. For now, everything you see and hear is all my work.

For those of you that do not know, I love programming and web design, which is why I developed my website. I want to focus on that a bit more since I have a lot of ideas for it. I also have another YouTube channel, Iris Fae, dedicated to mostly guided meditation audio. [Iris Fae] I want to work more on that since I’m passionate about it. I want to be able to sell my recordings to have another source of income, but haven’t set anything up yet because I haven’t made the time and want to get more recordings available. I’m even working with a few others to get a version with background music. Still looking for more people to work with me, so don’t feel hesitant to reach out on the form on my website if you are interested in working with me. But right now, I’m not passionate about this channel, Autumn Asphodel. It’s bringing me down at the moment.

I do want to thank all of you for the continued support. I would not be here saying that I need a break to begin with from my work if I wasn’t able to make this a thing to do for a living. You’ve helped me in so many ways and I will forever be thankful. I’ve met so many friends from different countries that I speak with regularly. People all over the place that have a different connection with me, sometimes a transgender related connection, or anxiety, or depression, or anything else. I value each and every one of my friends, the people I can call friends, and even all you others out there that may be behind the scenes that have watched my videos and perhaps were too afraid to message me or comment on my videos. All of you are important and I’m happy to have you all in my life. We’re about to hit 100,000 subscribers and it’s remarkable to be there after nearly three years of being on YouTube. I couldn’t have done this without you all.

I will be coming back at the maximum of a month. I already have a few videos either fully recorded or ideas of what I want to talk about. But there will be changes, such as less frequent posting of videos, perhaps an irregular schedule. But, the quality of my content will only improve which is what you all deserve. You don’t deserve to see me on here struggling and overworking myself just to make a video about trying to help yourself, when I can’t even help myself. I’m doing this so I can improve and be the best I can be on here. I will see you all very soon, even on my Iris Fae channel, so be sure to check it out if you haven’t already since I want to have equal time to dedicate to both types of content. That is, informative content here, and implementing those concepts in a meditative, hypnotic manner, and even other ASMR content I have ideas for that I have had no way of doing yet because all my energy is focused here.

See you all very soon. This is not the end, but the start of a new beginning for me and my life. Thank you for watching! See you soon!

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