Hi everyone! This video is going to be about why friends may just stop talking with you. After experiencing this countless times in my life, I decided to look into why people may behave in this fashion and actually talk about it to help others who have felt a sense of emptiness after close friends, romantic partners, or just people in general stop talking with them all of a sudden. This sort of thing is painful, it hurts and makes one feel being taken advantage of, and furthermore can happen to everyone, and we even all do it to others. We all have done this on some level, and we may even feel bad for doing it. But, why do we do it? Well, let’s first talk about friendships. Many of us have a desire to connect with others. It feels good to find people with similar interests, that make us feel less alone in this world, and that even help us through difficult times. We generally call these people friends. We can even have different terms for people in our lives and especially friendships, such as best friend, close friend, friends, and even acquaintances.
Whom we decide to call a friend and have in our lives is ultimately up to us as the connection must be mutual. We cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be ours in return. Nor can we force someone to be our friend. A friendship comes from a place of mutual interest. We like and love our friend, and they feel the same about us. Not necessarily the romantic kind of love, but some healthy romantic relationships start out as being good friends until a romantic connection is felt amongst the people involved. Your friends love and accept you for who you are, flaws and all. Otherwise, they simply are not your friend. A friend is there for you to help you be the best person you can be and get through difficult times. They are not those that validate negative behavior, addictions, and other problems you may have. And, they also don’t expect you to do things for them and rely on them for your own happiness. Friends are those that you can depend on and are generous and give up their time to help you, and you do the same in return. A friendship cannot be one sided which is why it requires a lot of work. This is a reason why some individuals prefer to be alone since the idea of having friends is too complex, time consuming, and not worth the effort for them. However, those that are able to make meaningful connections, even if they do fade, are presented with immense learning opportunities for personal growth.
Keeping friendships are a lot of work. Everyone involved needs to play their part in order to feel like the other friends care about them. You cannot be part of a friendship and not do anything. But, what if a friend becomes distant and stops communicating with you? Or, what if you even become withdrawn yourself and stop communicating with you friends? If a close friend stops communicating with us, no reply to text messages, emails, whatever else, we start to become worried. We may ask ourselves, “Is everything alright with them? I hope they are ok.” But then, when we see our friend hanging out with others, talking with their other friends and people we don’t know, and knowing that they are healthy and everything is alright with them, yet they are not talking with us, we end up feeling a sense of betrayal. We may even ask ourselves, “Did I do something wrong?” We may even feel jealousy, which is completely natural as well since we see our friend having fun, laughing, and getting along well with other people besides us. But deep down, we feel a sadness that we just lost our friend. We may end up feeling all alone in the world, like we are worthless. It hurts us to the core, like we’ve just lost part of ourselves. The closer the connection, the more damage that is caused. We may feel a void inside of us that our friend has taken away when they stopped talking with us. But, why do friends suddenly stop talking? What makes friendships come and go? And furthermore, how can you alleviate the pain of a broken friendship? I’ll discuss all of that now.
Why Friends Stop Talking
Besides the obvious of being busy, tired, phone’s broken, or other minor excuses that may not necessarily be legitimate to begin with, one of the most common reasons why a friend may stop talking is because of change and personal issues. This can be temporary, or something that is building inside of them as they change. Likewise, isn’t how most relationships end because of change? Two people who are perhaps romantically compatible cross paths at a time when they have similar goals in life and similar interests. But, what happens when one or both begin to change and venture into a different field? Well, this is where conflict can arise since one may not like the changes the other has been going through. Confrontation may be inevitable which results in arguments and fights. Similarly, if personal issues arise for one individual, and the other is not there for them or patient, then this too can lead to arguments. Perhaps a friend gets depressed and isolates themselves. If another friend gets annoyed that their friend is not communicating with them, replying to their messages, whatever else, and become argumentative with them, overly concerned, or behave in a manner that the isolated friend doesn’t like, then this will create friction. While your concern for your friend is legitimate, there are times where the person needs space, and this is something you have to become familiar with since it’s not common for someone to be completely open and flat out say that they need a break for a bit without any communication.
Relatedly, if there are problems your friend is having in their personal life or specifically with you, your actions, or your personality, it’s easier to give up than it is to address the problems. In the world we live in now, especially with the Internet, it’s easy to just delete posts on social media, pictures, block and ban the person from your life. But, the world outside social media doesn’t consist of a delete or block button. You cannot just simply delete people from your life, or block out problems that have risen between you and this person. It simply doesn’t work that way. So, if you are the one that cuts ties, and you think it’s as easy as blocking the person on social media, or simply ignoring their text messages, emails, or whatever else, what benefit does that serve you? Nothing. All it does is teach ourselves that it’s easy to get rid of our problems just by blocking them out and not actually addressing them, which is the complete opposite of what should be done. If you were the one that was blocked, it could cause severe pain from rejection, breaking trust, and perhaps even validating our own doubt and negative self-worth. This is not the way it should be, and with social media and our lives on the Internet, it’s so easy to live this way. You must actually rationalize your feelings and talk with your friend about what is going on. If you were the one that was rejected, open up to them about how they have made you feel and explain to them how much it has hurt you. A true friend will reply to you and make you part of their time. If you are the one doing the rejecting, learn to deal with your problems instead of passing them by. There is major learning to be had with confrontation. You may feel like it’s easier to just stop talking because you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feeling by saying that you don’t want to be their friend anymore. But, that closure is so much more important. Even if you have personal issues with the person you are blocking out of your life which is why you no longer want to be friends, how can they possibly know what to improve about themselves if you never open up and say why you want to stop being friends? They won’t know and more than likely blame themselves for you stopping talking, which can amplify the problems that you perhaps didn’t like about them.
Next, another reason someone may stop talking is because the friendship or relationship went too fast, too soon. This is why patience and taking it slowly is important since you could rush into something that becomes uncomfortable for one or both of you because you simply are not ready for the pace it plays out as. Another perspective could be that you perceive the relationship to be different from how your friend does. Perhaps you consider the person more than just friends, and they see you as just a friend. But, you believe that they perceive it the same way you do. This creates conflict. Perhaps we may be intimidated by how the relationship is progressing and thus want to back off a bit. Instead of saying this to the other person, we find it easier to just stop replying to them. Or another scenario, we may be too busy and not realize just how much another person cares about us and we end up upsetting them as a result. We may then view this person as too dramatic, clingy, and desperate when we believe that we never let on the wrong impression. So, this makes us turn away from them. But, when we just stop talking, this does more harm than good. We may think that just stopping talking may be best thing for us, and for them. But, it’s actually quite a disastrous combination. Let’s look at this rationally. Instead of telling them that we were just friends, we stop talking. This makes the person who has the attachment feel even more hurt then they would’ve been if you just came out with saying that you were not interested. Again, it goes back to what is easier for us. Is it easier to talk to someone we are not interested in and essentially tell them ‘no?’ In other words, letting them down directly to their face. Or, is it easier to just cut all ties with them and never speak to them again? The latter seems easier and like the quicker way out, but it’s actually the more difficult of the two because you don’t address what you need to, and the person you broke off communication with has then become deeply hurt. A pain that you cannot understand unless it’s happened to you, which may be another reason you do it, because you’ve been hurt by many others. Regardless, it’s always best to have proper closure, communicate, and be open and take it at a pace that is right for the both of you. Without proper communication, you’ll never be able to have healthy friendships because you will lose them due to the lack of communication. Furthermore, you also cannot consistently tell your friend how much they’ve hurt you by stopping talking and expect sympathy from them. You can tell the how you feel, but when you continue to repeat the same thing over and over again, it makes your friend want to not have anything to do with you. Rather, a better approach would be to get it all out, and then change topics if they don’t want to get into it right now.
Another reason a friend may stop talking is due to emotions and hidden conflict. Perhaps you do something and it upsets your friend, but they never bother to tell you how it upset them, which they take very personally and stop talking with you for a brief period of time until you apologize. They may even say to you, “You know what you did wrong.” And yet, you have no idea. Jealousy fits into this as well where your friend could be overly jealous of you spending more time with another friend than you are with them. If your friend cannot open up about how this is affecting them and expect you to know when you’ve hurt them, then it’s simply not your fault. Your friend is expecting too much from you. If they cannot be open about how your actions have made them feel, then how are you supposed to know when you’ve done something wrong? You simply cannot and you also cannot waste your time asking yourself, “Did I do something wrong?”
How many times does a friend stop talking and you blame yourself? Well, the truth is, it’s not your fault. You may ask, “Is it me? Did I do or say something wrong?” The truth is that it could be you and something you did, but it’s more about them since anyone genuinely interested in maintaining a friendship with you will try their best to resolve the conflict and get to the root of the problem. Otherwise, they are simply not interested in the connection you two share and thus don’t put any effort into resolving common problems in any sort of relationship. If they are genuine and open, they will do whatever it takes and let you know what is going on and will try their best to keep a healthy friendship with you. If you would like to know more about real versus fake friends, I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description to a video I did about it. [Real vs Fake Friends] This can help you determine what a real connection is from one that is not genuine and perhaps one that is used for one sided purposes and you are being taken advantage of.
So in conclusion, friends come and go. They are here to teach us important life lessons so we can grown independently. We cannot rely on them since they will not always be here for us. For those that stop talking, it’s ultimately not your fault, but rather it’s a problem with them. Whether it be a personal problem they are having in their life, or that they simply hide how they truly feel because it’s easier than addressing the problems. Regardless, when you don’t get closure, it’s painful, it hurts so bad, but this is where you can learn from the experience you two had and become a better person and stand up and do what is best for you. This friend was a friend, and you cannot continue to focus on what you two could’ve shared since it’s done and over with. You can move on and be a stronger person as a result. Please feel free to share your experiences with me since I enjoy hearing them. I hope this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!
I’ve had many friendships end in my life because of stopping communication. It was primarily always on the other person’s end so I thought it was my fault and blamed myself each and every time. I thought everyone hated me and no longer want to be my friend because I was too weird and different. While I would view these things as negative in the past, it no longer affects me since I embrace the person I am. I’ve learned to not blame myself when someone stops talking. It can have something to due with me, but how am I supposed to know if the other person never bothers to actually tell me what problem they have. Rather, it’s their loss that they lost a loyal friend like myself and they are only doing themselves a disservice by not being able to be open about what they are feeling. This will ultimately hinder any and all friendships and relationships they have with others until they can learn to express their views and actually deal with the conflict that arises in any sort of relationship.
Also, first introduced in this video is another new change. I invested in some lighting to better cover the area where I record, in addition to a teleprompter so I could look directly at the camera. My room is very small, so it’s an ordeal setting all this up each and every time I go to record. But, I really like these changes and there are more to come in the near future!