The Problems with My Mother | An Abusive, Neglectful, Manipulative, Self-Centered Woman

A mother that has an addiction problem, substance abuse, and doesn’t know how to deal with her problems is a terrible mother. She doesn’t deserve to be a mother because she has made it clear that she would rather relive her youth than be a parent. She cannot accept reality, and as a result, her children have to suffer and keep quiet about the illegal activities that unfold behind the door of her home.

—CHAPTERS—
6:53 – The Problems She Caused Me
12:47 – The Problems She Is Causing Her Other Children

—RELATED VIDEOS—
► My Past – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dn0aYm3Mik

Table of Contents

    Introduction

    Hi everyone! This video is going to be about my mother and the problems she caused me and what she continues to do to make the current children she is raising suffer with severe psychological problems. This video can be triggering and upsetting to others, and it’s very emotional for me to verbalize as well. So, please be prepared for a lot of negativity, trauma, and abuse that will come from this video. I would rather not refer to this woman as my mother since she is a disgrace to the family and a pathetic excuse for a mother. She’s an abusive, neglectful, manipulative, selfish, self-centered, immature, and irresponsible woman who has no respect for others, takes advantage of others, and refuses to acknowledge any problems she has. She will be the last person to admit she has done anything wrong and will deny and blame it on someone else. She is constantly looking for people to blame her problems and miserable life on, and it’s mostly the children that get blamed. While she refuses to go to therapy since she claims it doesn’t help her, she has not been officially diagnosed with any disorder. When the going gets tough, she shuts down and leaves. However, it’s clear that she has a severe acting out borderline personality disorder. Again, she will not admit any of this and will instead make fun of others and say they have problems, while saying she has nothing wrong with her.

    Here are some reasons why it’s clear to me that she has borderline, again the acting out and classic textbook case of borderline. These will all become clear as I describe her actions and ways of behaving towards me and her children later on, but this is what describes her. She is extremely emotional and let’s her emotions control her actions. She will feel an intense emotion of anger and act upon it without holding back. This can be in the form of yelling and screaming, hitting and beating. She is incredibly insecure and covers it up by putting on a front of a woman who has all the confidence in the world. For a 45 year old woman, this means acting like a teenager, mentally and physically, by dressing in a manner that is inappropriate for her age, let alone someone who is a mother. She only dresses this way when she is going to concerts or dates, which she goes on many, sometimes multiple times a week going on dates, or perhaps even random hookups and sex. She requires sex in her life to fill the void of loneliness and insecurities she has. Without this false front of security, she would feel insecure, which is the last thing she wants to admit. She is in so much denial that it greatly affects her and the connections she makes with others. As a result, she lies and exaggerate things to draw attention to herself and make people feel bad for her by playing the victim. If the conversation is not about her, it’s not a conversation worth having. She manipulates others and any information she tells to better suit her thoughts on life and how things should be in her eyes. She requires sympathy, again for her insecurities. She has intense fears of abandonment to the point of having severe paranoid delusions of others betraying her and going behind her back. As a result, she does everything in her power to keep friends in her life. She will do anything for them so she doesn’t have to feel alone. This includes things like spending money she doesn’t have, putting herself out for her friends, and even tolerating abuse directly afflicted to her or an immediate family member, because of the fear of the other person leaving, and that she cannot accept rejection or defeat, or even ideas that are against her own. Whenever someone suggests something to her, the first inclination she has is to do the complete opposite to prove them wrong. To prove the other person wrong so she can say she was right and can do it her way without any other people telling her what to do. However, things never go the way she plans and she is in a constantly downward spiral. She has an emptiness inside that is filled in various ways, including addictions such as marijuana, spending money, and most harmful of all denying and repressing any issues and putting the blame on another because she cannot deal with her problems or take responsibility for what is really going on in the world around her. When things get too difficult, one of these methods of coping come into play because it’s easier for her to escape than it is to actually address the problems.

    While this is hard enough for one individual to deal with, being a mother and having these problems causes serious psychological harm to the children. I am her oldest child of five. As of posting this video in February of 2016, I am 25, my sister is 20, my one brother is 11, and my twin brothers are 10. None of her children were planned and she doesn’t want to be a mother, and she have even told her children this and her actions reflect this. She does not assume the responsibility of a parent, and thus has no right to even call herself one. All her children were to trap a man in her life. All of which has been unsuccessful since amongst all the children, there are three fathers and none of the fathers are active in the picture. There is my father which I lost touch with probably before the age of five, my sister’s father which was active for a little bit in her life, and then left and then came back when she was in her mid to late teens, and finally the father of all the three younger boys which was active in the picture for a while, until the divorce. This father was the most problematic one which I’ll discuss shortly. But first, I will now discuss how the mother’s methods of parenting have affected me.


    The Problems She Caused Me

    There is no question that I had the problems in my life because of my mother and how she treated me. She was physically and verbally abusive towards me. My grandmother is the one that knows a lot of what happened and has told me. My mother was physically abusive, in that she would slap and hit me, push me down, kick me in the testicles. Verbal and emotional abuse came in the form of name calling, belittling me and making me feel worthless, putting all the blame on me. Neglect came into play because she didn’t want me. She said to my grandmother that she hated me and wished I was never born at such an early age. She didn’t want to be involved with me, so we never really did anything together. I don’t have any memory of my mother and I going somewhere and doing something fun because it never happened. My grandmother even made mention to me that my mother allowed a friend of hers to tie me up to a chair when I was out of control. I was maybe five years old at the time. What kind of psychological trauma does that cause a child?

    She neglected and abandoned me and caused me so much anger and rage at such a young age. As a result, I wanted my mother’s attention so I acted out. I was violent and angry because of how she treated me. She still has memory, and continues to be deeply disturbed by the one day I was holding a screwdriver in my hand and threatening to kill her. While I do not remember this, what child threatens to kill their parents? I’ll tell you, a child that is abused and put through a life of torture and neglect and is pushed beyond what they can handle. I hated my mother for what she did, so I wanted to end her abuse at such a young age which is why I behaved the way I did. Then the worst thing of all, when my sister was born when I was five years old, I saw all hope for getting attention from my mother vanish. I needed her so bad and she was never there, and then my sister was born and there was even less chance of my mother paying any attention to me. As a result, I hated my sister and would be mean to her. Before she was born, however, her father was even abusive towards me. I remember being terrified of him and would hide because he would hurt me. My mother didn’t care of course. She just wanted to go in the back room and have sex with him. Or what about the time when I was getting piano lessons and my mother and the teacher, which was a friend of my mother’s, would just leave and go in the back room. What do you think they were doing back there? I was all alone having to learn piano. Some teacher that was.

    The abuse and neglect continued with my mother after my sister was born and what saved me was when I was able to move out of her house and in with my grandparents at around age 10, probably a little bit before as I also would spend the weekends there. Those were just some of the things that I was told by my grandmother that happened to me, and it’s rather disturbing. It makes me wonder just what that woman did to me when no one was around. What kind of abuse did she do to me? My personal issues emerged when I became a teenager and I was still very angry and unable to control myself. This was also when I started to have some gender identity issues and later was when I transitioned to female. I feel that in one way my transition was to distance myself from my mother and the abuse she caused me. Changing my gender and how I presented myself to move on past the male side of me which was severely abused by a woman that didn’t want to bother with children to begin with. I did change my gender and sex, in addition, I even changed my entire name, again to distance myself from the name my mother gave to me since I wanted nothing to do with her. In ways through the years growing up, I took on traits of my mother. But the truth is, I’ve done everything in my power to not become someone like her since she is not someone I want to be or that I even look up to. I’ve lost all respect for the woman, and especially for someone who doesn’t learn from their mistakes and continues to inflict the pain she feels deep inside onto her children.

    It took me so long to recover from the abuse she inflicted on me. While I was a problem child, she liked my sister, and as a result didn’t treat her the same as me. Of course, she was still abusive towards her and emotionally scarred her as a result, but my mother actually wanted a girl. But the ironic truth is, out of five children she only had to raise one girl, and that was my sister. I did a video about my childhood and teen years that goes into much greater detail about my past, so I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description. [My Past] I did this video not too long after I started YouTube, so at the end of 2013. It was helpful to go back and reflect and from that moment forward, I realized that the problems I had were because of the childhood I had, and primarily my mother’s abuse and neglect. While I’ve managed to overcome what she bestowed upon me, things are not so easy for the current children she is raising.


    The Problems She Is Causing Her Other Children

    I wasn’t the only one who had to deal with my mother’s abuse and neglect, let’s not forget the rest of the children. They all have to deal with it. But, it’s the 11 year old that has the most problems. The family and I believe this to be because the twins that are 10 years old have one another, while the 11 year old does not. He has no one. So, this section will be mostly about him. There are parallels between how I was raised by my mother and how my 11 year old brother is being raised. As a matter of fact, it was practically identical. He and I were violent, defiant, and didn’t respect authority. All of this of course is learned behavior and to act out to get attention from the mother that doesn’t want to be bothered. Additionally, I hated my sister when she was born since that took away any attention I could get from my mother. For my brother, it’s the twins that take away the attention since the mother does show favoritism. She’ll blame everything on the 11 year old, even if he didn’t do anything wrong. Additionally, near the end of 2015 my grandmother came across a letter she wrote to my mother back when I was a child and all you had to do was swap out my name for my 11 year old brother’s name. That’s how similar our situations are, and why I am so emotionally invested in this, because I look how she treats him and compare it to how she treated me. I know how hard it was to overcome what she caused me, and my brother has it so much worse. He was not fortunate enough to be taken out of the environment. And an additional nearly three years of continued neglect from the mother makes a huge difference which I’ll discuss in just a moment.

    All along my grandmother has been telling my mother the mistakes she has been making in her life. All of it being in hopes that my mother would realize where she has gone wrong and learn from her mistakes. The problem is, my mother is in resistance to anything my grandmother says. In fact, she tries her best to do it her own way so she can prove my grandmother wrong. The problem is, she never learns from her mistakes and her life has deteriorated to the point that she is an even more lousy mother than she was when I was a child. My grandmother kept warning my mother that my brother would turn up a certain way unless my mother learned to be an active parent in the children’s lives. And sure enough, many years later it’s exactly as my grandmother predicted. All my mother says is that it’s not her fault he is the way he is, violent and disrespectful that is, and that she wants him on medication, which he actually is taking because that is what the mother wants to help his anger. She will never admit that it’s because of her that he is the way that he is and he has the anger that he does. She’s considered medication for practically all the children. I was going to be on medication, but my grandmother stopped it. My sister was on medication for a brief period of time. And, my 11 year old brother is actively on medication, and has been through several of them.

    Moving on to what my brother has experienced, well the first thing to note is that his father, as well as the 10 year old twin’s father, is an alcoholic drug addict that steals and lies. He has been that way since him and my mother met. My grandmother warned her to not marry him, but she did anyway because it was what she wanted. She had three children with him. What those children witnessed from such a young age was fighting, screaming, and yelling. Even physical fights on occasion. There was constant commotion and fighting, and those kids got to witness all of it. The father had even driven the children around in the car while drunk. My mother never learned and every time he was kicked out of the house, he was right back in there. Even after stealing and all the fights, she would invite him back to fulfill the loneliness she had within her. Even after he was permanently out of there and moved back in with his mother, she would travel like an hour away to go see him over the weekend and even multiple times during the week. She had an unhealthy obsession for this man, and we think it was even due to drugs. She would even protect him and defend his decisions and actions to help him out. For instance, she lowered his child support to help him out since he didn’t really have any income from his job. She did everything she could to make him happy because she feared the abandonment.

    There were times when the kids would stay at their fathers over the weekend. And when my brother was there, there was a sibling under the age of 18 that were doing drugs, marijuana, right in front of him, and I think even asked if he wanted to try it. He didn’t do it, but I can just imagine how traumatic this was for a 7 or 8 year old. All the cussing and violence he witnessed was psychologically damaging enough. My brother always said that he would never do any drugs because he didn’t want to be like his father. From those moments forward he said that he would hear voices in his head. One voice that was nice and told him to not do bad things or he would get in trouble. This voice being almost like my grandmother or a guardian spirit. And then the other voice being a sinister one telling him to do bad things because it’s fun. The voice of impulse, defiance, and anger, acting out. Well, that sinister voice has fully taken over at this point. And, I know so well what it’s like to hear those things in your head. And, it’s so scary to have to deal with that and to hear it verbalized from an 8 year old.

    After the father was completely out of the picture and my mother divorced him and no longer went to see him, someone else came into the picture. There had to be a replacement for the loneliness my mother felt, and this time it was a female friend. She is a loser just like the father of the boys. No job, no place to live, no goals in life, nothing. My mother associates with these people because she too is a loser with no goals in life. You are who you associate with. My mother ended up letting her friend move into the house and did what she could to keep her happy. She spent so much money on her, that she didn’t have, such as buying a car, paying for insurance and cell phone, you name it. The woman paid very little rent living there, if any, so she was using my mother. My mother didn’t care since she was keeping her friend happy and in her life. She spent so much money on her and literally had no money in the bank because she blew it all. She was addicted to spending and her home was in foreclosure and yet she would get nails done, coffee, concerts, new phones, you name it. A paycheck to her was money to blow on herself and her friend, and not the bills or the kids.

    It wasn’t long after the friend moved in that she started being verbally and physically abusive. Not towards the mother, but the children, mostly the 11 year old that already felt neglected and like no one cared about him. No one is on his side, and here comes another person to cause him more pain. And then at the end of 2014 she got arrested because of an incident of abuse between her and my brother, which was caught on video. My mother, being home the entire time of the fight, came up from the basement telling the kid to behave, not telling her friend, “Get off my son and stop punching him in the face.”

    After the arrest, my mother never brought my brother into court, so the charges against the woman who beat him up were dropped, but a restraining order remained for six months. Well, my mother moved her back into the house, violating the restraining order, and said to my grandmother that she spoke with her and that her friend has changed her ways, lying about the restraining order being lifted. Well, several months later, the same time of year in 2015, a major incident happened once again where the woman was calling my brother a bunch of hateful names and even pulled her pants down to show her butt. All of which was recorded. My mother wasn’t home, but I’m sure the first thing she did when she got home was yelled at my brother for antagonizing her friend.

    Well, that weekend my grandmother and I went over to my mother’s house and had a talk with her and the friend. My grandmother made it clear that the friend was to be out of the house or she would report her. The friend couldn’t even sit there for the entire conversation and walked away. She did end up leaving the house, but sure enough, about a week or two later, my mother invited the woman over for the day while the kids were there, and she came over. My grandmother did what she stated she would do, which was report her. After the report, she didn’t hear anything back and it turned out that they weren’t going to pursue anything since the woman wasn’t actively living there, and there was no active abuse between her and my brother going on. So, my grandmother went to the police to report the indecent expose and endangering the welfare of a child and they put out a warrant for the woman’s arrest. A few weeks later, she was arrested. This was the week of Christmas, four days before Christmas to be precise. And the woman wasn’t allowed to be around anyone under the age of 18, including her own daughter. But, of course she spent time with her daughter during Christmas. My mother was beyond angry at that point and then received a phone call that there was an investigation on her for perpetrating her friend’s crime. She sent hateful messages to my grandmother saying how it’s all her fault and that she just had to go to the police and couldn’t just leave it when the initial report was going to not be investigated. Saying how my grandmother was out to ruin her friend’s life and her life. “Well I hope you’re happy. You can have my kids now. I don’t want them anyway.” Very paranoid, delusional, and unreasonable thinking. She stopped talking altogether with my grandmother and said Christmas was ruined and never even came over for dinner at my grandmother’s, and neither did the 11 year old because he was acting up that morning. It was my sister that was bringing the kids so she didn’t bring him along, and certainly my mother didn’t bring him over or even get up to make him anything. My brother was all by himself on Christmas and had to prepare his own food. And that mother says she’s not neglectful.

    Sometime after, my mother sent a long text to my grandmother saying how my grandmother never considers her feelings and her telling her what to do pisses her off. In addition, the most childish, immature part of the message that was sent was that my grandmother never even sent home any food for her or my brother. What gives her the right to even get any food if she couldn’t be bother to come over and is being stubborn by not talking to my grandmother after saying all those hateful things to her and didn’t even make an attempt to apologize, which she usually does via text and always has conditions so it’s not ever a genuine apology from her. And, that’s what happened sometime afterwards, a disingenuous apology to my grandmother which is done via text message and has conditions. The relationship between the two of them may never be repaired since my mother will never see what she did wrong.

    After this all happened, the charges were dropped on the woman who abused my brother. She was initially being charged with indecent exposure and endangering the welfare of a child. They were lifted because the law stated that for it to be indecent exposure that it would need to cause the victim, the 11 year old in this case, shock or alarm. My brother was laughing and calling her dirty when she pulled her pants down. He’s learned to hide how he truly feels so of course he wouldn’t show those reactions. We were all extremely disappointed by this since now the woman can legally move right back into the house any time my mother allows her to. And again, my mother defends her friend and neglects her own son, saying, “All she did was pull down her pants. She didn’t flash her boobs or vagina.” But, the one thing she did admit to was that my brother’s anger got better after the woman moved out. This is evidence that she was one major cause of his problems.

    During this whole mess, primarily before the friend of my mother was arrested, my grandmother, sister, and I went to my brother’s therapist with him because my mother couldn’t make it. The therapist had no idea of what was really going on in the house with the friend of my mother. She was disgusted by the fact that my mother kept it from her and how she even lied to the family saying that the therapist did know about it and was fine with the woman living there. My brother couldn’t share any of his feelings because my mother is usually there and he fears his mother, just as I did until early in 2016 which I’ll get to in just a moment. My brother knows that if he shares what goes on in the house with outsiders that he would be punished and belittled by my mother. Her quote, “What happens in this house, stays in this house.” She constantly tells the kids to ‘not tell’ because no one is to know her business and the illegal activities that occur from behind the doors of her home. She has conditioned the children to lie to protect her, and that’s exactly the problem the 11 year old has. He is a manipulator, just like his mother and father, and lies to twist things to go his way.

    Getting back to the therapist, her knowing the information changed everything. The following time we all went, including my mother, and the therapist asked her why she never mentioned the abusive friend living in the house.
    My mother’s response: “I didn’t think it was important.”
    Therapist: “But, she beat up your son.”
    Mother: “I don’t see it that way.”
    Therapist: “If she beat up on the twins, would there be a different reaction from you?”
    Mother: “Possibly.”
    The therapist even asked her what makes the woman a friend to her. My mother paused for a moment and had to think and what came out of her mouth was nothing meaningful. “She helps me clean and we talk.” The real connection that they have is drugs, primarily marijuana. Any person who has a genuinely good friend will list a bunch of reasons why they are friends. My mother couldn’t come up with anything significant, which is a sign that the friend is just using her and my mother is being taken advantage of.

    And here is where I come into play, since there are so many parallels between my brother and I, the therapist asked me how I felt about my mother. I said that my mother was neglectful. My mother immediately said, “I was not neglectful.” And shortly thereafter, “I feel like I’m being attacked.” Again, playing the victim because she cannot face reality and what is really going on. She is so use to constant numbing from drugs, impulses like spending, and sex. That was the first time my mother heard how I felt about her, but I dive much deeper into how she made me feel shortly there after, which I’ll discuss in just a minute.

    Now comes the most troubling part. There is never any supervision in the house, so my brother has smoked a cigarette, lighten up his hand with fire after applying hand sanitizer. All these things being what he has seen online, because there is no supervision or parental controls. But, the worst thing of all is the drugs. My mother is an active marijuana user, and the family suspects other substances are involved due to how much she’s changed. She smokes marijuana in the house by herself, with her friends, and even other people who have come over to smoke with her. They do it in the basement but the scent comes up. Or what about when my brother started becoming interested in marijuana? He was questioning the family about it and what it does, how much gets you ‘high,’ how much it sells for. This is serious, but not as serious as what I’m about to say next. My mother has taken my brother in the car with her when she has purchased it. He overhears everything and knows how much she gets for how much money. My sister even overheard a conversation she had with him about letting him try it. And, the mother told my sister to not tell of course. The 11 year old knows where my mother keeps her marijuana and she didn’t bother to move it when he found out. My brother has since stolen it, which she questioned my sister about which of course she didn’t. My brother stole it and even sold it at school. And now, he’s doing it. And the mother knows and doesn’t care. She’s probably giving it to him and they may be even doing it together. She’s smoked in her room right next to the children’s room and we know he’s smoking it too, and the mother does not care and is proud her son is ‘pro pot.’ There was even an incident when he took Benadryl, or diphenhydramine, into his room and was thinking about taking it. My mother questioned him and he admitted to her that he saw online that you can get high from it. The mother didn’t do anything.

    It’s terrible he has to use a substance to escape his life and problems he has that his mother has caused him. That he has so much pain inside of him from what his mother and other abusers have done to him. Making him feel so alone in the world and like everyone is after him. No one is there for him or on his side. And, even the police can’t do anything about keeping the abuse away and keeping the mother away. He gets in trouble at school, getting suspended, violent and beating up and punching other kids and his own brothers. He’s punched his fist through his window, torn off his bedroom door, and has done many other violent things because of a mother that doesn’t care. What kind of mother offers their child drugs? I’ll tell you, an irresponsible mother that is trying to be a friend and not a caregiver. The brain doesn’t fully develop and mature until one is in their mid 20s. So, imagine what kind of damage marijuana causes an 11 year old, and imagine what other drugs he will be getting into. It’s only a matter of time. And the sad truth is, there are several people in the family that I know that had a mother that has given their child too much freedom and allowed them to drink and drug under their supervision. The children’s father was like this. His mother allowed him to drink under her supervision and look what happened to him. He is now an alcoholic drug addict. Another family member allowed her sons to drink under her supervision, and they’ve had addiction problems and getting in trouble with the law. And finally, a friend I had which I was close to had a mother similar to mine. She wasn’t really there for her and allowed her to do marijuana with her. My friend started doing other drugs, stealing, and selling drugs. And, this was such dangerous behavior. And after many years, she was able to get out of the situation and overcome it, which was something I appreciated about her. But, it’s not easy. And, to think that my own brother, an 11 year old, is already stealing, selling, and using. It’s not going to be easy for him if he is to ever recover from what my mother has caused him. Everything is blamed on him, and not the mother. If he gets into a fight, it’s always his fault. If someone beats up on him, it’s his fault. The mother can never take responsibility and blames everything on him, saying it’s his fault for everything. That’s exactly how she treated me and why I always blamed myself and felt worthless. Additionally, when my grandmother would talk with my mother about something my brother did, including smoking marijuana, her only response is, “Who told you?” All so she could blame someone for telling and disobeying her ‘don’t tell’ rule.

    At that point I had enough. I felt hopeless about this since nothing was being done to help the children. So, I did two things which I am very proud of. The first being that I wrote my mother a letter, one page front and back, detailing how her abuse and neglect affected me as a child and the severe psychological damage she caused me. I said that she is not a mother and is neglectful, and that she puts her friends before even her own family, and that how her actions with her current children are going to affect them and how they affected me. Telling the children ‘don’t tell’ makes them repress how they are truly feeling, which they already do. They deny and cover up what they feel because of fear of what the mother would do and say. I feared this woman for so long because of what she did to me. I could never say ‘no’ to her because of fear I had within myself that she instilled within me, that she wanted to instill within me. I felt worthless and like I didn’t deserve any good things in my life because of how she made me feel inferior and like I couldn’t offer anything to the world. I stood up and wrote her this letter and sent it to her in the mail. At the same time, I made the initiative to report her and outlined every single detail of what goes on in that house. Saying how she smokes marijuana in the same house as the kids, that the 11 year old has stolen it and sold it, that he is smoking it and that perhaps she is giving it to him, and even her drug dealer. I felt amazing and proud of myself after I reported her since I felt something was finally going to be done about her abuse. Within a few days she was being investigated for the second time. Her house was investigated and she was so angry because of all the things that she was being accused of. She blamed it on her father and never suspected her oldest daughter was behind it. After the investigation that night, I called her up and I asked her if she read my letter. She said she hadn’t read it yet. And then I said, “I know who reported you. It was me.” Her response was, “Why would you do that? Just because I smoke pot in the house? Family does not report family.” I said because she was neglectful. She got defensive and said she wasn’t neglectful and hung up on me.

    About ten minutes later she called up my grandmother, which had it on speaker so I could hear, crying and saying I wrote her a hateful letter. In other words, playing the victim and trying to get my grandmother’s sympathy. The letter was not hateful or an attack on her, but it was honest about how she made me feel. She went on asking why I would report her. And my grandmother said that I was doing what was right to help the children. My mother gets angry and starts yelling, “Fuck her. She’s a fucking bitch. I hate her and I wish she was never born.” My grandmother is disturbed by this and is on my side about what I did, which my mother is very upset about and ends up hanging up when things get too difficult. My grandmother was crying just hearing the things my mother said about me, but I wasn’t affected since at that point, she can no longer cause me any harm.

    A few days later my grandmother was talking with my mother and she admitted that she didn’t read the letter past the first two sentences, and had someone from work read it for her to sum it up. At that point she said to my grandmother that she is not responsible for how I turned up or any mental illness I may have developed. She said that mental illness is just something that happens and you cannot control it. I was diagnosed with PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, and schizoaffective disorder, which is a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar. It was because of her I thought the way I did and had the problems I did, the insecurities, the worthless. And, it was her disregard for this that made me very angry. In addition, my grandmother said that I heard all the hateful things she said to me when on speaker phone. My mother of course won’t apologize and will not contact me. And she also said that the investigation of what I reported is done with since they couldn’t find anything in her house, which was a scheduled visit, that suggested neglect. I was so angry and disappointed at this since, once again, nothing is being done about this abusive, neglectful woman. She’s brought so much psychological damage into those kids lives, just because she can’t take responsibility and be a mother. I tried what I could to help, but ultimately it’s her that wins the battle. I didn’t want them to go through what I went through, but they had to, and it’s so much worse for them. She’s a disgrace to the family. A narcissistic, self-centered woman that I’m done with. Who knows at this point what will happen and if things will get any better for that troubled boy with an abusive, neglectful mother who only thinks of herself.


    Conclusion

    Thank you very much for listening to my story. It was very emotional for me to talk about this and something very serious that I think is not so uncommon. There are so many families that are dysfunctional and have abusive parents, grandparents, or caregivers and guardians. But, the only thing that can help is to speak up about it to someone. There are not only people out there that truly care about you and are here to help, but also others out there going through similar situations as you. It is possible to overcome these obstacles given enough time. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. I’ve done it, I’ve had friends that have done it, and I’ve seen plenty of people do it. All it takes is for you to realize what you are struggling with, discover where your behavior came from, most often it’s learned behavior from your environment as a child, and then admit you have a problem and focus on where you want to be. You don’t have to let these negative thoughts and actions define you, but you can be the positive person you’ve always wanted. I am wishing each and every one of you well at achieving this since it’s a battle that feels like it’ll never, but you can come out on top with enough persistence and dedication. Thank you for watching!

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    Notes

    I never thought I could confront my mother for how she made me feel in the past, but it felt amazing when I finally did in early 2016, even though she dismissed it and continued to not take responsibility and instead blame it all on me. I knew it was not my fault and was actually because of her that I had the problems I did. I feared her for so long and the consequences of what would happen if I ever spoke up to her or told her ‘no.’ All of her children are like this, and it’s terrible to have that fear in your mind and like you have to hold yourself back. I will never hold myself back again and am finally free from what she caused me that affected so many areas of my life for many years.