Hi everyone! This video is going to be about how my sexual orientation changed. This is an update video to one I did last year about being single. So, I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description so you can check that one out. [Why Am I Single] In that previous video, I talked about being single my entire life and never having any romantic relationship experience, including not even being kissed. And the honest truth is, shortly after posting that video some of it became inaccurate. I did end up having some experience with a female and it was wonderful. It certainly changed my entire life around and I learned so much about myself in the process. And while it was short-term, in that we were only actively talking for about four and a half months, I learned a lot from how it ended. I learned to not fear abandonment and betrayal and have since learned to not worry about such things. I discussed this relationship much more thoroughly in my video on soul mates so I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description. [Soul Mates] That too ties into my beliefs about relationships which I will discuss in a minute. I am still single and am not looking for someone since the right person will come into my life when the time is right.
But first, the relationship I had allowed me to better love and accept myself which in turn allowed my sexual orientation to change. Now I’m sure some of you may be wondering how one’s orientation can change. Isn’t it something one is usually born with or just simply is? Yes and no. Many people who are not just simply straight have to find themselves, and this journey can be long and confusing. And, there is no shame if it changes or you second guess yourself because that can happen. Sometimes you may feel one way, and then something significant happens in your life and it makes you realize who you really are, which can also mean that you change who you are attracted to. And, this is exactly what happened to me. I use to be strictly a lesbian, in that I was interested in other women. I had no interest in guys and didn’t want to be romantically involved with them. However, perhaps this was due to past abuse, or perhaps not really having any male figures growing up, for instance my own father was never in the picture. Whatever the case, I wasn’t interested in men and was just disgusted by them. However, there had to be a reason why I was turned off the way that I was. Well, it also had to do with my own gender identity. Since I was born a male and transitioned to female, I despised that male me. And, to distance myself further, this meant to not be interested in guys either. Once I found that peace with my male self and started expressing my masculinity, in addition to my femininity, is when I started to become more comfortable and confident with myself. The relationship I had with a female further gave me this confidence and made me feel worthy of accepting love from others. Then I started finding myself more attracted to not just women, but anyone that I found interesting, regardless of if they are male, female, transgender, or any other sex, gender, or gender identity. Since these changes took place, my sexual orientation changed from gay or lesbian to pansexual. This is the term that best describes my sexual orientation and I will share what it means.
Pansexuality essentially means one feels attraction to an individual regardless of their sex, gender, gender identity, gender expression, and even their sexual orientation. You feel an attraction to the person, their personality and what makes them who they are. In essence, aren’t many of us like this? We associate with people, such as friends and romantic lovers, that we are attracted to. Maybe not necessarily a romantic attraction, but we still like to associate with those that give us the feeling of oneness and fulfill our needs and desires. But, you may be straight and not able to form a romantic attraction towards someone of the same gender as you. Pansexuality eliminates this and essentially means you can also be romantically attracted to any of these people as long as you are attracted to them as a person. Another thing to note is that I also am demisexual, which is in between asexual and sexual. Essentially this means I am not sexually attracted to someone until a strong emotional connection is formed with them. So generally, I will not just look at someone and find them sexually attractive, but rather mostly after I get to know them I can see them on the outside. Now, that’s not to say that I will not see someone and think that they look nice or beautiful, or maybe even a slight attraction to their looks, but I would never engage in a relationship with someone based on that since I’m all about who the person is and their personality. For the most part, however, I do find women more attractive when it comes to their appearance and personality. While I am more attracted to males when it comes to just getting along with better. For instance, I find it easier to relate to a male more than I do a female, and this is perhaps because I was born a male and lived the first 22 years of my life as one. In addition to having many male interests. While I find females more intellectually stimulating, interesting, and emotional which can be both positive and negative.
I did tell my grandmother about my change in sexual orientation and she was surprised since she thought I only liked women. But, I can now be attracted to anyone that I find interesting because I don’t personally feel that the love I give to someone should discriminate. I’ll love whomever I want to and feel a connection with. And, this includes friends as well since I have a connection with my friends. Not necessarily a romantic one, but feel a connection to them that is beyond just someone who is an acquaintance. I can give my love to them and they give it to me and we help one another be the best versions of ourselves we can possibly be. That’s what a friend is in my eyes.
Now, there is something I wanted to briefly mention here where someone commented saying that when someone becomes my friend that they are obligated to give me attention and if they don’t that I punish them and cut them out of my life. Saying that I’m dependent and needy and that it stems from childhood neglect. My response to this is, “Ya damn right people better give me the attention I deserve.” Ok, let me clarify. I was neglected as a child and I did become needy and dependent on others to a degree, mostly to fill my emptiness and lack of happiness. However, I’ve overcome that. 2015 was the year that I rose above the obstacle and no longer relied on others to make me happy. I feel fulfilled with my life and don’t need anyone in it to make me happy. It will enhance the happiness absolutely, but will not fill a void I have since it’s already been filled with my own happiness I found within myself. Getting back to the statement, we obviously have very different definitions of what a friend is. What I consider a friend is someone who is here for me when I need them and I am there for them when they need me. We both use one another to become happier with ourselves, in a positive way. If someone is my friend and they ignore me, despite my repeated attempts at reaching out to them to understand why they stopped talking, knowing that they’ve seen the message and make a conscious decision to not reply, then what kind of friend are they? That is not a genuine friend. Neither are friends who constantly use someone and expect them to do things for them, but are not there when I need them to do something for me. Those people are not friends so why should they be in my life to begin with? I do deserve attention, just as I give my attention to my friends. Maybe it’s not every single day we would communicate, but a good friend in my eyes, and something I would do in return, is if I’ve been busy and unable to reply for a while, I would make the time to reply to my friends, or at the very least tell them that I haven’t been able to make the time for them. That is not only what a good friend does, it’s what a responsible, mature person does. So, I don’t really want to form a meaningful connection with those that are irresponsible and immature. That’s not my type of friendship I want in my life. In addition, human connections simply do not last. You can have a good friend one minute, and they’re gone the next. The goal of any connection is to learn from the relationship so one can move on and be independent while retaining the lessons learned in the relationship.
When it comes to romantic relationships, the same applies in that I wouldn’t want to have a romantic relationship with someone who is also not a friend to me. A good friend can be a romantic relationship if there is a mutual connection. Of course I am not romantically interested in most people I meet, at least not until I really get to know them, but the doors are open to me now. However, I’ve also come to the realization that not one friend or partner should be relied on for all your needs. What I mean is, if you are looking for someone who will fill all your needs you have, you will not find someone like that. You may have your romantic partner who fills some of your needs, and a friend who fills other needs, and then another friends who fills other needs. Perhaps your partner is not the best at emotionally supporting you, but your one friend is so you go to them when you need advice and to help you get out of depression. Perhaps another friend you share a lot of common interests with, such as music, games, entertainment, all things you are passionate about, but your partner or other friends don’t have these interests. And finally your partner is able to give you support and love, unconditional love, and helps you love yourself and achieve your goals. Perhaps they are also a major motivator in your life. All these three people are all important to you, but they are all separate human beings that are here to help you and you are here to help them. You more than likely will not find all of these traits in just one person, but rather in multiple people. There are plenty of people here for you, but you just need to be patient and let them come to you. It won’t always be romantic, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be since learning what they are here to teach you is the primary goal.
So in conclusion, my sexual orientation changed the moment I was able to truly love myself and find that love within myself to share with others. I was not confused before this discovery, when I was only attracted to women, because that’s how I truly felt and still am attracted to women, as well as anyone that I can form a meaningful connection with. As for anyone else who thinks they may be confused, realize that things can change. Take things one step at a time and truly understand yourself in the process. Accept the person you are and learn to not doubt yourself. The answers, and people, will come to you when the time is right. I hope this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!
I never thought it could happen, but I feel as though once I truly loved myself and began to express myself the way I truly am is when my interests in others changed. It was when I did start to feel an attraction to, not just women, but males, but more importantly, people in general with similar interests. I’ve been able to connect with others about things we’re both passionate about. It doesn’t matter to me what sex, gender, or how they identify or express themselves is because I would love them for who they are and their personality. That was something I learned from being open with myself and allowing love into my life.