Welcome to 2016 everyone! At the time of posting this video, it is January 1st, 2016. This means 2015 is over and a new year is upon us. I know I certainly have made a lot of progress in 2015 that I would like to share, in addition to some plans I have for 2016. First and foremost, since I began YouTube in 2013 I have been making update videos at the end of each year to document my progress and announce new plans I have for the coming year. If you would like to see any of these past videos from 2013 and/or 2014, I’ll have links in the description.
Anyway, 2015 in particular was about bringing love into my life, in multiple ways, as well as clearing out past friendships and making new friendships. At the very beginning of the year, I met a wonderful girl that changed my life by accepting me, being there for me, in addition to the connection we could share with one another. We became such great friends and just got one another. She was a soul mate in a sense, and there was even a romantic connection. I talked much more about this in my video on soul mates, so I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description if you would like to know more about her and the connection we shared. [Soul Mates] But in short, we shared an amazing connection with one another that I never shared with anyone. She lived about eight hours away from me, but we got the chance to meet up, twice, after about two months of talking. This was because of a trip she was planning to go see family that happened to practically go right by my house. We shared an amazing connection with one another and she was the person I had envisioned in my mind for so long. During that time, I got to experience my first kiss. Well, hundreds and hundreds of kisses actually. Yes, that certainly occupied a great portion of our time. We even did meditations with one another, such as one for the heart chakra and sharing each other’s energy, as well as an eye gazing one where we looked into one another’s eyes for about ten minutes to understand one another better. It was the most amazing thing that I will never forget. In addition, look at the special friend she got me. His name is Roostah. Roostah the rat. You know, like rooster. He’s the best and sleeps with me every night. I love him so much. He goes ‘squeak a doodle doo’ each morning. [Glass break]
Anyway, she came into my life when I had this controlling personality that tried to sabotage everything that was helping me. I knew it was the final major obstacle that I needed to pass in order to truly love myself. This girl that I met assured me that 2015 was going to be the year that I would overcome it, and I was able to because of her and what we shared together. She helped me overcome so much just in the first quarter of 2015. After I learned this lesson, just as soul mates connections usually do, she left and we went our separate ways. This was excruciatingly painful for me, but in order for me to overcome my fears of being abandoned and betrayed by those closest to me, it needed to happen with the person I was closest to. I use to believe that there was only one person that would be romantically involved with me, and that it would last a lifetime. Well, when she left, it made me truly realize that this isn’t the case and any relationship can come and go and it’s here to teach you want you need to in order to become a better person and then move on with the lessons learned. That’s what needed to happen with her, and it did, and I learned what I needed to which was to be more open and honest, not let others take advantage of me, in addition to not feeling a sense of betrayal in the back of my mind, wondering when and how a friend is going to leave me. Those were the major core lessons learned.
Of course, I still think about this person, but it’s not negative or filled with sadness. I enjoyed our time together and it came to an end when it was meant to. Well, there was one dream I had at the end of November where she was over at my house at a family party. I saw her, but she was facing away in the distance. I was talking with a family member behind her and was saying things that I knew she could hear to try and get her attention, but with no success. But, I kept looking and thinking of ways to get her to acknowledge me. I suddenly woke up from the dream and a song, “Back in My Life,” instantly began to play in my mind. I hadn’t heard the song for a long time, and use to listen to it when I was a child. But, there it was playing in my mind the instant I wake up and I just lost it and began to cry.
From my perspective this relationship ended by her stopping talking with me. I reached out several times, gave her enough time to reply, saw she looked at the message, but there was nothing from her. However, this was also after I neglected to be more open initially about us having some time apart and taking a break from the hours and hours of video chatting each week. We were both responsible for this, and I learned what I needed to learn, and I can only hope that she has as well. Of course, I could narrow her actions down to multiple things such as her age. She was six and a half years younger than I was. I began talking with her after she turned 18 and I was soon to be 25. That certainly can play a role since one has not fully matured yet. A second reason is impulsiveness. I think both of us were rather quick and eager to get to know one another and share the connection we did. This could’ve been too quickly for one or both of us. Impulsiveness started the relationship and it’s how it ended. And the other problem being that I felt that she started having some personal problems, perhaps past issues coming back or whatever else. No matter what it was or still is, I have wished the best for this person and have moved on from it.
The last time we ever really talked was at the beginning of May. It just suddenly stopped and we never video chatted or talked again. I tried reaching out, but there was no response besides the initial one of that she hasn’t had the chance to get on the computer to reply to my message. We never spoke again. However, I got off Facebook, said goodbye to all the friends I had that made me feel being taken advantage of and being used, and it felt amazing to get rid of that stress. Several months later, it was her birthday and we hadn’t be talking for like three months. However, I sent her a birthday card in the mail that I made myself, in addition to getting back on Facebook and sending a happy birthday Facebook message. I was not looking for anything in return, but she did reply, but it was a simple, generic ‘thanks.’ There was nothing else and I thought about replying but then thought, “No, I’m not going to reply. It’s done and over with and I’m letting it go.” I even told another friend about her and they were just like, “Yeah, she didn’t deserve you.” And I thought to myself, “You know what? I don’t deserve to be treated like that. I don’t deserve to be wondering if someone is going to be here one day and then gone the next.” I realized that I deserve people in my life that are stable and truly care about their friendships.
This leads me into the friendships I have made this year. I have in my life now people that I didn’t consider friends until the people I thought were my friends left. For you see, these people I’m about to talk about now have not only helped me realize what a genuine friend is, but have been there for me no matter what. I’m not asking myself when they are going to leave or have fear of them leaving because I can trust them. These people are the ones that I never considered a friend earlier this year because I had inaccurate views of friendships. For you see, I was considering my best friends the ones that ultimately left me and were always making me wonder that they were going to leave. It was only until after the event I described just a moment ago with the romantic relationship that I realized that I’ve neglected people that can truly be considered friends. While I no longer use the term ‘best friend’ since I’ve realized to not prioritize my friendships, I can say that I have a variety of people in my life that have been there for me and have helped me open up, and have opened up to me, and opened up new possibilities for me. In just a moment I will mention these people, but first I want to say that because of them, I’ve been able to trust others and be open about myself without fear, in addition to video chatting with them which I never would’ve considered prior to this year due to how I viewed friendships, and even meeting in person.
Let me start off with Simiana and Bridget. Simiana and I have been talking since the middle of 2014, but it was this year that I felt I could consider her one of my closest friends. I feel I can share with her and she won’t judge. She is supportive and genuinely cares about the friends she has in her life. She has supported me and helped me in many ways just by being open and honest. Bridget and I, on the other hand, have only been talking since the beginning of 2015 and it didn’t start with much of a connection, at least I didn’t really feel it, but during the last half of the year we become very close and we can share so much about ourselves, even stupid dumb stuff that would turn most people away. She is one of the most honest people I have met. But, these friends have not only been there for me to be friends, they have even helped me with a task that I never thought I could trust anyone with. This task is Facebook messages. Both these two women are moderators on my Facebook page and reply to people’s messages that I may not be able to reply to. I am extremely grateful for that since without them, I would be overwhelmed with messages and not able to answer them. I am thankful that not only I could trust others with the task, but that they continue to help and support me, that they volunteer to do this work without asking for anything in return. That is the true definition of a friend and I will not take that for granted, but will rather reward that generosity with the same in return.
Let’s also not forget my friend, Amanda. Her and I were talking for a while and she kept asking about video chatting, but I was so hesitant and withdrawn. Deep down, I didn’t want to do it because I wasn’t ready and didn’t feel I could ever be since I didn’t trust her. But, due to the trust I managed to form in time, we went for it and I opened up as did she and it’s amazing how well we get along. All the friends I mentioned I video chat with regularly, and I’m adding more people as I go along. I can call her a friend, as anyone else I mentioned, because I let myself make meaningful friendships. I never would’ve had that if I didn’t go for it and let myself make friends. This could only happen when I could eliminate that fear of being rejected and losing my friends. I found friends by letting them into my life and now it’s so easy to make friends since I consider everyone a friend in a sense. And this includes all the people that may remain anonymous in this video, but truly mean a lot to me. All the wonderful people I can share a connection with from different countries, those that I message on Facebook, those that support me on a variety of levels, and anyone else because you’ve helped me become a better person. You all know who you are and I am appreciative of each and every one of you. Just know that our conversations and what you’ve done for me has changed my life. Thank you for everything you’ve done. I may not always remember all the details of our conversations, and I’ve certainly forgotten what some people have told me which makes them say, “We’ve already discussed this,” but I always try my best to remember since I value the friendship.
As for plans for 2016, I plan to continue moving on from the first person I mentioned in this video and not letting what happened influence any possibility of future relationships, including romantic ones. From that experience I become more open and accepting of letting love into my life. And, while there is no one I am currently romantically interested in, that fear has diminished and who knows what 2016 will bring. Additionally, I will be moving on from the other past relationships, forming even better positive relationships, and focusing on my career.
What this means for my career is that I mentioned last year that I would be doing meditation, hypnosis, and ASMR content. The truth is, 2015 didn’t fully bring this into the light, but rather started the Iris Fae channel which will have this content. I’ll have an annotation and a link for you in the description. [Iris Fae] While at the moment it’s just early content, it’s the start of what I have planned for 2016. It’s not about the views or how much subscribers, but if I can reach the same people, and many new ones as well, that I have been able to with this channel, then I think it very much would be a success. The money I make is not the primary importance, but rather the people that my message reach is what I value. Of course I would be lying if I said that money is not important at all since it helps me pay my bills for groceries, software that I use to make my videos, web hosting for my website, and all the other miscellaneous expenses that I invest in my productions here on YouTube. 2015 certainly was not the best financial year towards the end, or even just overall a good year for this channel as all my stats are down. It’s upsetting to login and see my analytics and see all those red arrows pointing down telling me that the current month is worse that the previous month, which was worse than the previous month. But, it’s not something I can really change as I cannot reinvent this channel. The content I produce is very specific and some people are interested and others aren’t. I put so much time and effort into each video because it means a lot to me. And, even if one doesn’t turn out well and wasn’t worth the investment of time and effort I put into it, I will continue to produce the content I love since it makes me happy. I’m not going to sell myself short and put out content that has no value, is not helpful, and is only a means to gain more views, subscribers, and money. That’s not the person I am. So, I will continue on as I have been doing and if things continue to decline, then I will have to look for alternative means to a make a living. But for now, I’m able to continue and am optimistic about 2016.
Thank you very much for listening to the progress I have made in 2015. The year was filled with mostly personal growth in the form of relationships. I was able to form a romantic relationship in addition to many friendships that all mean a lot to me. Everyone in my life means a lot to me and I will always be thankful. My plans for 2016 mostly include continued personal growth, forming better connections with others, in addition to career advances. Please feel free to share with me your own accomplishments in 2015 and what you want to accomplish in 2016. See you in the new year and I thank you for watching!
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Another year down and so much progress was made. I think 2015 was the year that I finally overcame the remaining psychological problems I had, in addition to the self-hate and sabotage. Not to mention being able to make truly meaningful friendships and not be fearful of abandonment by them. I found peace in my life and the connections I have with others and am so much better than I was just at the beginning of 2015. And, I know that 2016 will continue to bring about these types of connections in addition to me focusing more on my career.
As for Roostah the rat, I just had to include him because I love him so much! (And no, I didn’t really throw him out the window!) I had never really expressed any kind of love towards anyone or anything in such a long time so it was new to me. But as time went on, I began to express it more, mostly with the help of the friend that I did truly care for. But when it ended, I was able to move on and get back on track with my life with the lessons learned. I certainly do love Roostah a lot and I feel he helps me quite a bit. What I found interesting was that I don’t have any kind of association between him and the girl who I did have a connection with that gave him to me. This was rather interesting since I thought that whenever I would think of him I would think of her, but I didn’t and have successfully gotten over the pain that was caused by the lack of communication. I will always think of her and am reminded daily when I see the same numbers she did on the clock and elsewhere practically each day, multiple times a day, but I just smile and laugh now. That was one thing that started happening since the moment I met her, and it continues with me now.
As for the friends I’ve made, Simiana and Bridget have been wonderful friends. You can find out more about them here. These were just two people that I never considered friends because of the flawed way I would define a friendship. I was choosing people who were only there temporarily and not when I needed them. These two are always there for me no matter what and I know I can share anything with them and they will not judge me or leave my life. All this time I thought I had true friends when I was completely mistaken. Well, I can’t really say that since everyone I’ve had in my life has helped me grow in some way. But, it comes down to who I viewed as a friend and who I didn’t. It turned out the ones I didn’t consider were better friends than those that I would consider friends.