Hi everyone! This video is going to be about rejection and failure, and how to accept it. Being rejected and failing at something is, let’s face it, part of life. We all have been rejected by others, perhaps a friend or someone we are romantically interested in, as well as us rejecting others. We also have all failed at something. This is a part of life and we all go through it. However, just because we all deal with it, doesn’t mean it’s easy to accept failure and rejection. As a matter of fact, many of us are fearful of being rejected and failing. We may see it as a personal attack on us and try to avoid it at all costs. The truth is, there is no avoiding it and when it happens we may feel ashamed of ourselves, like we let ourselves down, like we weren’t good enough. Some of us have such intense fears of rejection that we tend to reject others before they can reject us, not allowing anyone in and not allowing ourselves to fail, which also means that we are not allowing ourselves to progress and succeed. This is the type of person I was which I will be talking about later in this video.
Some reasons one may fear rejection is because we dislike hearing that someone else doesn’t accept us or approve of us. And we do not like to hear about our own failures and flaws. Perhaps we were rejected by a job looking to hire someone, which we meet all the criteria for. This can make us feel like we weren’t good enough, despite meeting the criteria. Or perhaps another example would be someone we are romantically interested in doesn’t feel the same when we tell them. This may cause us so much pain that we begin to hide how we feel about anyone else. Perhaps someone else we are interested in feels the same and are also scared of being rejected. How would we ever know unless we face that fear of rejection and go for it? We won’t. We all face rejection and failure and that is a fact. Running and hiding from it only makes it harder and doesn’t allow us to succeed. Regardless, there are ways of dealing with this which I will discuss now.
Facing Rejection & Failure
If you fear rejection and failure, there are several things that can help you begin to accept it as a part of your existence so you can learn from it. And that is the place to start, learn from past failures and rejection. Take a negative event where you failed or were rejected and ask yourself what you learned from it. There is always something to learn no matter what. The truth is, the negative is here to teach you the positive. I have a video dedicated to finding the positive in a negative situation so there will be an annotation and a link in the description. [Positive of Negative] I recommend viewing that one for more information in this area. But essentially, by analyzing your past self and the reasons why people rejected you and why you failed, it will give you important life lessons to be an even greater version of yourself. If no one ever told you that you had to do better or rejected you, how would you know how to improve the things about yourself so you can truly achieve the things you want?
This leads me to the next crucial step, to realize that failing and being rejected does not make you a failure. In other words, don’t let it define you. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t good enough, but rather you haven’t found your full potential. If you are interested in someone and ask them out and they decline, this doesn’t mean that you will ever have anyone in your life again that will make you feel the same way. Rather, it shows that you are confident in your position and opened up how you truly feel, despite the possibility of being hurt. If instead you take this rejection personally and constantly think to yourself that you are a failure, then you will not attract the right people into your life, but rather situations that continue to make you believe that you are a failure.
If something wasn’t meant to be, then something else will come along. A perfect example is with a job opening. You find your ideal job and apply for it, only to be turned down. If you let this define you and become depressed to the point that it affects your ability to find your true calling in life, then you will miss an important opportunity since you are not giving it your all. If instead you focused on what you can improve about your work and yourself so you can find what you really want in life, then something will come along and you will be an even greater match to it because you realized what you needed to improve. In this case, an even better job comes along and you are thankful that you didn’t get the other one and could improve your skills in the meantime.
Next is to be assertive. Go for the things you desire, even if it does end up in failure since you don’t know until you try. Many people are so scared of being rejected that they don’t even allow themselves to be rejected, or accepted, in the first place. This means that they will feel even more alone since it will feel like no one has accepted them. But, it’s because they have not let anyone accept them because they are too afraid of being rejected that they let it define them and control their actions. Being assertive can be challenging since you may still have that fear of rejection, but if you have confidence in yourself, being assertive becomes a whole lot easier despite the potential for rejection.
And lastly, continue focusing on what you want in life and how you will achieve it. The truth is, if you continue to focus on the rejection and failure, you will continue to draw this to you. When you think about the negative aspects of yourself and the things you do not like, you will set yourself up for scenarios to come about that will make you even more aware of why others have rejected you, instead of why people have accepted you and what you actually like about yourself. This is the same as not taking it personally since you are not a failure, but rather failure is here to help you succeed and realize what you can do to achieve your true goals.
My personal experience with rejection and failure is something that I let define me for so long. I feared rejection to the point that I would block people out of my life before they could hurt me, before they could even get to know me. It was very rough for me to find people that could accept me, and even then I was extremely cautious and feared the pain my own friends could cause me. Failure came into play when someone proved to me that I was wrong. It was difficult for me to accept being wrong about something because this would mean accepting failure and that what I initially thought was incorrect. I could not face that. So, these were some of the things that I was dealing with.
The truth is, when I feared rejection, it was like a brick wall of friendships. I had a bunch of people trying to be my friend and I didn’t let them in. I only let a few people in and when they did me wrong, I removed them from my life and built another layer to block out even more people. Every time I built another layer, the emptiness started to consume me and I felt even more alone. It was darker and harder for me to trust people. I got more anxious and fearful of people abandoning me. Because I couldn’t face being rejected by others, I couldn’t make any friends since I blocked them out before they could even have a shot at being my friend. I was not assertive and didn’t let anyone know who I really was. Due to my intense fears of being abandoned by the people I called friends, it was people that ultimately abandoned me that I would attract in my life. It was that underlying fear that I had that was controlling me and determining the people in my life.
This lasted for a long time, and I didn’t really have anyone I could call a good friend. Then, I started letting people in and this brick wall started coming down as the light began to shine again. I began to let myself make friends that I normally would never have given the opportunity. This allowed me to experience very meaningful connections with others that changed my life. But, here is where it gets even better. When the people I was closest to at the time rejected me by breaking off communication, I didn’t let it define me. I didn’t rebuild that brick wall. Rather, I felt what I needed to at the time, which was very difficult dealing with departing from some of the best friends that I had. I dealt with it, I learned from it, moved on from it, and almost just like that I became so much more confident, assertive, and all that fear of rejection just diminished. I needed to be rejected by the people that mattered most to me so I could overcome my fears. And when I did, I was able to form even better connections than I ever have since I no longer have that fear in the back of my mind of being betrayed by my friends, and I can actually trust them now.
One of the biggest moments was a romantic relationship. It was painfully difficult to face that fact that someone that I formed a meaningful connection with to this degree didn’t want to speak with me anymore, or rather, that I was rejected by them. It took awhile for me to admit that to myself. But the moment I did, my entire life turned around. How I did it was to really think about the situation and understand that this person rejecting me is not the end, but rather the beginning. This person taught me something that I never knew was possible. In my mind I visualized and reminisced on the positive things we shared and what I learned, and then I said goodbye. Despite not having any final words, I made final words in my mind when thinking and going back to the situation because that helped bring closure to where there was none. I admitted that I was rejected, and that I learned, and that it is only the start of better things to come. That was my goal and that is exactly what happened since facing rejection.
If any thought of that person comes back, which they do, I mentally tell the thought and person in my mind that we had our time together and that they are no longer welcome here. In other words, I am the one rejecting them and the negative thoughts that come to mind. Those negative thoughts can be painful and hurtful, but I realize that they no longer serve me. So, I say goodbye to them when they enter my mind. I learned what I needed to during that moment in my life and am even teaching that right now. That’s how I see it and how I managed to face rejection. I do not have that fear anymore and people come into my life, and I allow it. If something wasn’t meant to be, then something better will come along. I don’t let it define me and know that rejection is something that I must face and will continue to face so I can continue to progress to be the person I truly am.
So in conclusion, dealing with rejection and failure is a part of life. We all have experienced it and there is no escaping it. Nevertheless, many people fear the idea of rejection since they let it define them. But, you are not failure. Rather the failure is here to help you learn to be the person you truly want to be since there is always something to learn from it. Being assertive when you have confidence and have tackled the feelings of rejection shows the progress you have made of accepting rejection as a part of your existence to help you find your true self. I hope this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!