Hi everyone! In this video I will be discussing bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder generally described as cycling between highs and lows. A manic state and depressive state. There are variations such as type I and type II bipolar.

Type I is when the person has manic episodes that may significantly impair their abilities, usually to the point of psychosis.

Type II is when the person has hypomanic episodes that are similar to mania, but are usually less severe and don’t include psychosis.

These can also be rapid cycling and can occur much more frequently, like within the same day.

I can relate to bipolar type I since I have had psychotic episodes related to my mood. My cycle pretty much consists of depression for four weeks, followed by mania for six weeks, then a normal state that varies in duration. As far as I remember, I’ve always had mood problems. But, it got a lot more severe after being on estrogen. So for me, hormones definitely played a big role in my mood, and it can be very difficult to control at times. So, I’m going to go over some of the symptoms of bipolar and how it affects my life.

Depression Symptoms

So, let’s start with depression. One symptom is low energy. I would have very low energy, sometimes not being able to get out of bed. I can either oversleep or have insomnia. Just overall not being able to do much without feeling completely exhausted.

The next symptom is lack of interest. I lose all interest in almost everything I enjoyed before, including eating. Though I still force myself a lot of times. I try to do the things that use to make me happy, but sometimes it is so difficult to function.

The next symptom is loneliness, worthlessness, hopelessness, guilt, low self-esteem, those sorts of things. I’d feel so worthless and hopeless, like nothing would ever get better. I become so anxious and secluded from everyone. I can’t go out and be seen in public. It becomes very difficult to concentrate and focus on tasks. No matter how much I try and talk myself up, I just can’t be happy because I feel as though there is nothing to be happy about.

And, the last symptom here is self-harm and suicidal thoughts and feelings. It can get so serious as to causing self-harm or even suicidal thoughts and behavior. I will make a separate video dedicated to this since it is a very serious topic. [Self-Harm & Suicide] But, I will say now that this has been an issue for me.

Now, the thing that helps me is forcing myself to do at least something for the day. Because, when I don’t do anything at all, I end up feeling even worse, since I dislike laziness. But, if I get something done then I generally don’t feel worse. I may not necessarily feel better, but I’m not going to slip into an even worse depression.

Mania Symptoms

So, after the depressive state comes the manic state. The shift for me is almost instantaneous. One day I’ll be depressed, and then the next my mood will go up dramatically, especially the first week. It’s really crazy.

The first symptom is increased energy. I would have an enormous amount of energy. I’m so hyper, running around the house, practically jumping off the walls, doing my tasks so quickly and always rushing around. I can go with very little sleep and it’s actually quite difficult sometimes to fall asleep. I feel as though I can accomplish anything and I end up taking on more tasks than I can handle which causes me a lot frustration and anxiety. I can also be very annoying. So much that I’ve even driven people out of the house, which is not a good thing.

The next symptom is racing thoughts and excessive talking. Yes, this very much applies to me. My thoughts become so rapid and out of control. Just, 100 different things going on in my head at once. My speech becomes so fast that many people have a very difficult time understanding what I’m saying. And when they do, it’s usually some off the wall thing that I made up on the spot. And, later I would have no idea what it meant.

And, the next symptom is impulsiveness and this can include damaging things such as risky sexual behavior, drug and alcohol abuse. I personally don’t do these things at all. Though I do generally have a higher sex drive during my manic phase. But, I still do have impulsive decision making that I would normally reconsider if I actually gave it some thought.

One of my unusual impulsive behaviors I’ve recognized is when communicating with people. I end up saying too much about myself. This is especially evident with online messages. I’ve had several episodes where I’ve sent these completely ridiculous messages to people. At the time I am doing it, the consequences don’t even cross my mind. I am not even in the present moment thinking of what the consequences of my actions would be. The next day usually when I kinda lower down, I read back the message and it makes no sense. And, I end up feeling so guilty and embarrassed by what I did. I’ve certainly scared off a few people by doing this. And, it’s not intentional by any means, it’s just a very bad impulse that I have.

I try to calm myself down, but it can be difficult, especially within the first week after switching to the manic phase. That’s when I have an extreme amount of energy. After that, I am not as hyper, but still very much so.

Normal Mood

Lastly, for me, after the manic phase comes, what I call, the normal phase. This is when I am pretty much stable and there is no severe depression or mania. Things are just even and normal. Nothing much to really talk about there. But, it is kinda boring actually. I like the manic state so much more, besides the rash decision making and impulsiveness of course. But, I just feel as though I can accomplish more during my manic phase then, of course the depressive state, and even the normal state as well.

Now, some days there will be outliers. So for example, during my depressed state, I may have a day that I am happy. Or during the time I am in a very elevated mood, I’ll have days where I am depressed. But, usually my mood will return to whatever it was the following day. It’s more of an overall emotion for the timeframe. Though my mood has switched so many times in one day before, and sometimes it is very, very difficult to control especially when it just rapidly switches so much for no reason whatsoever.

So, I hope you enjoyed this video and it was informative. Thanks for watching!

Additional Info

My second video on YouTube. This time about a topic, bipolar disorder. I started with this one because I wanted to cover a variety of mental disorder and decided to start with this one. I experience depressive episodes and manic episodes, as well as times of completely normalcy. I had to record it multiple times and was incredibly nervous about this one too. I tried to record with just notes about what I wanted to cover, but simply couldn’t do it without it being so unorganized. So, I wrote up a script (and continued writing one since).

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