Hi everyone! This video is going to be about soul mates, ways to find your soul mate, as well as a personal story about three people that have changed my life. This is going to be a long one. You will hear about what a soul mate is, followed by how to find yours. And then my personal examples you can perhaps relate to your own life to help you realize the significance of the people you’ve encountered. Additionally, you can check the description of this video to go to specific segments.
Many of us have heard the term soul mate, but do we actually know what it means? What do you think of when you hear the term ‘soul mate?’ Take a second to understand your views of the term and what definition you apply to it, and then be prepared to open and expand your mind. Many of us have heard the term ‘soul mate’ and perhaps think of the perfect romantic relationship. Someone who makes us feel in alignment with our true self and raises our vibration, who is always there for us when we need them, and even someone who will love us unconditionally. In other words, they are a reflection of ourselves, someone who compliments us and makes us feel whole. Someone who already possesses the traits we long to have within ourselves. In essence, we view a soul mate as a romantic partner that we connection with on a highly spiritual level. Someone who just gets us, understands us, and most importantly, loves us, and we do the same to them. We may think about them the same time they think about us, or may feel their emotions the instant they have them which also turns our focus to them. They may even look familiar to us, despite never meeting. We may often feel like we knew them from another lifetime, perhaps a past life, or even have thought about or dreamt about them before actually meeting them. This is because of the spiritual connection we share with this other person. It can be so intense that we may not understand it ourselves, and it could feel like déjà vu, surreal, or we are just in utter disbelief that a person like this could possibly exist, and that we met them.
While these are all true indications of a soul mate connection, it’s not just limited to romance, nor is it limited to just one special person. In theory, everyone is your soul mate, because we are all one, oneness, as in everything being interconnected, equal, and working together. Your friends, enemies, and everyone else in between are here to help you grow to discover your true purpose on this Earth, that which is what is destined by your higher self. They are here to allow you to be the best version of yourself that you can fully love and accept. But, it is your choice to see the relevance these people serve in your life. For instance, perhaps the constant fighting between you and your enemy has allowed you to learn the important trait of acceptance, accepting views outside your own. Soul mate connections may not necessarily be all positive either, as they can be quite disastrous, dysfunctional, and harmful. Since we are all one, meeting someone that is familiar to us allows us to recognize this truth, that we are all one. It gives us the perspective that we are all one.
We often hear about people finding their soul mates, which again is mostly in the romantic sense. But, it is not limited to romance. Sometimes our closest friends can be our soul mate because they hold the ability of helping us achieve inner peace. We may be even closer to our friend than we are to our romantic partner, as they just get us, and understand what we are going thorough, yet our partner doesn’t. They are always there for us to help us through the times we are feeling upset by our partner’s behavior. In other words, this person is here to help you figure your life out and overcome the challenge that has been presented to you in life. We may begin to think that perhaps a romantic relationship with our friend could be better than the one with our partner due to the connection we share. Yet, this may not actually turn out for a variety of reasons. Perhaps our friend is already with someone and/or not interested in us in the romantic sense, or perhaps there are several core fundamentals of the relationship that simply wouldn’t work. Perhaps if we were to actually try a relationship with our friend, it may end in extreme disappointment and a disconnect, in that we are no longer friends. This can and does happen to many soul mate connections, but the purpose of it was to allow you to grow and make your own decisions, since only you can make your own decisions. So, parting like this, or even perhaps the death of your friend, is your way to take away what your friend had given you throughout the years and learn to apply them to your own life. In other words, you are to learn from the experience and incorporate what you got out of the relationship into your own life to benefit and gown independently.
With that being said, how can you find your soul mate? I’ll talk about that now.
Finding Your Soul Mate
Now we will discuss how to find the soul mates in your life. The honest truth is, you cannot find them. You cannot look for or seek out soul mates, but rather they will come into your life when the time is right. Yes, if you try to search, often out of desperation or loneliness, you will only end up with more pain as you will not find anyone that can truly be of help to you. Rather, soul mates come into your life when the time is right, when life is about to teach you a valuable lesson. Our most influential soul mates often appear during our journey in life at just the time we need them, often due to a synchronicity. We may think to ourselves, “What perfect timing that I met you.” Because the timing is not a coincidence. Furthermore, we will often have an intense, immediate connection with them. They just get us, and we get them, even without any spoken words. There’s something so familiar about them, yet we may not be able to put our finger exactly on what that is. Like we both know one another, and connect so well, and yet we’ve never met them in this physical form. We often love them unconditionally, in that we accept their flaws more than anyone else, even if it was something that would initially turn us away from others.
This brings us to the next point, soul mates completely change your life and help you grow. There is something valuable to learn from soul mate connections. Life is giving you the opportunity to learn from your past, your mistakes, and overcome the problems to be the person you wish to be that resonates with your higher self. Think about people you’ve encountered in your life that have changed your entire world around. Before you met them, things were very different for you, but after you met them, you feel different. This can go both ways depending on what you take away from it, in that it can be positive or negative. Perhaps you are someone that believes everyone dislikes you. You feel that you cannot make friends since you despise yourself and criticize yourself to no end, which often makes people leave. Yet, someone comes into your life and talks with you, and continues talking with you. Even when you try to push them away, they stay and are there to support you. This person allowed you to find inner peace and love for yourself. They allowed you to not be so hard on yourself and find things you like about yourself which developed into respect for yourself and accepting the person you are. This friend of yours has completely changed your life and helped you grow.
Relatedly, it can be of disastrous consequences. Perhaps after you’ve made all this progress, they leave you. They completely stop talking with you. Perhaps you are concerned that something serious happened to them. Yet, you realize that they are doing just fine. You see them with other friends and begin to get upset that they no longer talk to you. No matter how many times you try to contact them, there is either always an excuse or no reply. This is where life is testing you to see if you have truly learned from the experience. While it is perfectly reasonable to be extremely upset and feel like you no longer have this wonderful friend, you have a choice to make here, repression or progression. You can either develop a hatred towards this person, and regret everything you two shared and say to yourself, “I have to keep a better barrier to keep people away so I am not hurt.” You fear being hurt. This way, you will only be blocking out people even more than you were before meeting this person. In other words, to you it’s like this person did more harm than good. But, there is alway another perspective. Perhaps you forgive the person, and thank them for allowing you to be happy with yourself and experience a genuine connection. They served a relevant purpose in your life during the time you needed them, and now that you have progressed, it’s time to move on. In other words, you’ve taken away something positive from the relationship, incorporated them into your life, and grew from the experiences. You now are not afraid of being rejected and accept it as a part of life and go on to create other meaningful connections which are even better. In all honesty, this was the person I was. This particular example I’ve personally experienced and I would never learn the lesson until I found the love within myself and accepted rejection.
This is why a soul mate connection is not completely perfect, as no relationship is perfect. In fact, a soul mate connection can be quite disastrous, and/or end with an enormous amount of pain in one way or another. They may last for just a brief moment, being very intense, and bringing about an array of emotions and lessons to be learned. Or they can last for a lifetime. Even if it is destructive, perhaps right from the start, since the timing may not always be right for the both of you, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t lessons to be learned from the encounter. With that being said, soul mate relationships do not necessarily last. People can come and go, or may even pass away. They come into your life when you need them, you learn and grow, despite the difficulty that may be brought by the relationship, and then the relationship fades as the lessons have been taught. You’re in one place in life, then you meet someone who completely changes it, which you learn so much from, and then the relationship fades and it’s time to for you to take away what you learned from the relationship to be the person you want to be on your own. These people help you achieve what you want within yourself, and help you grow and develop. And the true test is to put the lessons learned into practice when they have left.
But, the true key of all is to develop a love and acceptance of yourself. The reason this is crucial is because many people try and change who they are to better suite someone else, often a romantic partner. If we look at why we may do this, it’s often because we do not accept an aspect of ourselves and think our partner won’t either. So, in order to attract this partner that we already know doesn’t accept us as we currently are, we desperately try to change ourselves for them. We are not changing ourselves to better our own life, but to change it so someone else accepts us. You will never attract someone meaningful until you can accept yourself and all your flaws. You will then not worry about or expect your partner to accept those flaws because you no longer view them as flaws and your partner would already accept those aspects of yourself. The most genuine love you can have is the one for yourself. Since everything in your life is a reflection of how you view yourself, and if you love yourself, you will attract meaningful connections to help you grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That is the key to forming soul mate connections.
So, certainly think about these things and see what people you’ve met in your lifetime, or are currently in your life that you feel a connection with that cannot be explained. Perhaps you’ve grown so much just by talking with them and getting to know them, and they’ve benefitted as well. Then think about why they are here in your life. Learn what they are here to help you learn so you can continue on with your own life and not rely on them. You can do it yourself, and that is what they are here to help teach you, that you can grow to be the person you truly want to be. And certainly remember that pain, such as a breakup, the death of your soul mate, or any kind of parting from one another will be excruciatingly difficult, but this is a part of life. This is your test to finally put what they taught you into practice so you can do it on your own. The pain can be unbearable at times, but you can view it as a sign of progress, in that you’ve learned and grown from this other person. Nothing will last forever, and holding onto something because you don’t want to lose it, perhaps out of fear of pain, or even worse, avoiding the pain altogether by distancing yourself from people and never forming any sort of connection, will not result in any of the lessons being learned that life is trying to tell you. You’re here to grow and become the person you truly are, and it’s by forming these types of connections with others that will allow you to realize this and help yourself get to where you want to be.
With that being said, I would like to share my personal story about three people that I’ve meet during my journey that have helped me become the person I am today.
3 People, 3 Life Changing Events, 3+ Lessons Learned
During my journey, I’ve met three very special people that have changed my life. This isn’t about family, but rather people that have come into my life because of a synchronicity, because I was ready to learn and grow. They all came into my life just when I needed them and completely changed my life in so many wonderful ways. It was a very intense, familiar, and yet intimidating feeling all at the same time. Yet, what they taught me has been what has allowed me to get to where I am today. This is extremely emotional for me to talk about for multiple reasons. For one, it brings me so much happiness. When I reflect back, I see how much they have helped me grow and how much I have learned over the years to be the person I truly am. Starting with the first person which was a disastrous encounter right from the start, which is exactly what my life was at the time, to someone who could be a wonderful friend and be there for me when I needed someone to talk to and helped me develop a love for myself, to someone who could love and accept me, that I was able to form a more profound and romantic connection with. These are all wonderful things I’ve learned. But, on the other hand, all these people are no longer in my life, and it was difficult and painful for me to come to terms with, primarily because of just how it ended, which was another lesson for me to learn. These are just a few reasons why this is extremely emotional for me, which is something else I’ve progressed with over the years, getting in touch with my real, genuine emotions and how things truly make me feel, instead of hiding them.
I will be sectioning off each person individually as I talk about them and what they brought to my life, what I learned, and what I was able to take away from it to better myself.
Person #1 : The Enemy
The story for the first individual goes back to 2012. This was at a time in my life that I was a bit lost. It was shortly after I transitioned to female. I felt so much happiness with myself for finally being who I truly was on the inside, but I still felt so alone, I still had all my problems from the past that were buried deep inside. I was disconnected from my true self, in that I didn’t really know what I wanted in life and was a bit lost. I was not defined at that time, primarily because I was getting use to my new identity as a female. I was still finding that inner woman that I was. This feeling of being out of touch with myself started four years prior, in 2008. That was when I felt as though I became separated from myself.
So, after working on myself and transitioning, in 2012 I felt I was ready to face the world and meet people. I put myself out there which I never had before. I felt so alone and lonely, so I decided to join an online dating site to meet new people, to see if I could form any meaningful connections since I didn’t want to feel alone anymore. Within the first day, I found someone who completely opened my eyes as to who existed in the world. I never thought there was anyone in the world that was even remotely similar to me. I thought I was the only one, and there was no one that was even remotely close. I’m not talking about being transgender, because this individual was not, and I knew I wasn’t alone with that. But, it was the personality. Never had I up to that point met anyone with similar interests as my own, and never was it to the degree that it was with this individual. I felt such an intense connection with her before I even began talking with her. It was like I knew her, but I didn’t know her. I looked over the questions she answered on the site and answered the ones I hadn’t yet. And, I could predict what she would answer for every question, and I even gave an explanation, and it was practically identical to what she wrote.
So, I reached out to her because I was intrigued and interested to get to know who she really was. Unfortunately, due to how similar our responses and profiles were, she instantly assumed I was an ex of hers, someone else she dated in the past. She played games, and I predicted every single move before it happened. I would dream about her, or rather have premonitions about what was to come, and it was right. To this day, there has not been anyone I’ve dreamt about as much as I did her and predicted so many thing. I opened up a bit to her and she explained how she thought I was someone from her past. We talked briefly, and things just got unbelievably more crazy. It got to the point that I was absolutely terrified of her and the people she associated with that I somehow was in contact with. Multiple profiles, exes, friends, and just a bunch of weird things.
This is when I developed an overwhelming sense of paranoia. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just feared her and her friend. I could just imagine them coming to my house, seeing them when I left the house, and just would hear their abusive words repeated in my mind, validating that I wasn’t worthy of having any friends. It hurt me so bad and it felt like I was living in a constant nightmare that wouldn’t end. Constant thoughts about it. The only way it lessoned was when a year and a half later I made a video about the experience and heard opinions from others. I was struggling with it for nearly two years from the time it started. Because of how I was feeling at the time of the event, I retreated from the world and said, “I will never let anyone into my life because they’re all out to get me and do me harm.” This was a familiar feeling to when I was a teenager and constantly abused and bullied in school. It made me aware of just what I was truly struggling with, which was eye opening. Then, all those past thoughts of who I was in the past came to the surface which was even more difficult. But, during that period of isolation and reflection, I realized that how I was living from 2008 until 2012 was disconnected from my true self. I didn’t know what exactly made this click in my mind, but it was there. I think one of the major things was that this girl mentioned her spirituality, which was the same as me. I would always say I was a spiritual person, and would practice meditation and how it helped my life, which it certainly did. But, it was starting in 2008 that I lost touch with this, which also meant losing touch with my true self.
During our conversations, I told her that she helped me and how she made me realize things about myself. But, it was always invalidated by her and her friend that I also was in contact with. It made me feel like I had to constantly hide myself and not tell anyone how they truly made me feel because of that pain she would cause me. I felt I was being shamed into not telling someone if they helped me because she would criticize me for sharing with her that she helped me and thanking her for doing so. There was no getting through to her, and I truly tried, on many occasions. Which was another lesson I learned in time.
In theory, this girl from the dating site came into my life when I needed guidance with my life. I was lost, and due to this turn of events that felt like it completely ripped apart my life, making me incapable of forming any further connections with others since I would always think the person was somehow linked to this girl, it instead helped me so much. Almost like it allowed me to reconnect with my true self. Of course, everything she said about herself could’ve been fabricated, which I certainly did discover many inconsistencies, but it’s not important. It was significant, intense, and meaningful to me and allowed me to seek help for the problems I was having. I saw a therapist in 2013, nearly a whole year after the event occurred and she helped me not only reason with this particular event, but everything else I was dealing with. There were certainly times that things got worse, way worse, since you’re going back and reliving that abuse from the past when talking about it.
If it wasn’t for this girl, and how the events unfolded, I don’t know if I would be true to myself today. I think I could possibly still be lost, and struggling with the mental problems and trauma that I buried for so long. It was life-changing for me, despite how much it hurt throughout the whole situation. It did take quite a while to reason with what happened, and there were initially more steps back, but it helped me finally address what was preventing me from being who I truly was.
This was an example of how a connection right from the very beginning can be disastrous, yet still hold significant meaning to your life and change it for the better in the long-term if you learn what you are supposed to. So, I think it’s time now to move on to a more positive connection.
Person #2 : The Friend
The story of the second individual to make a huge impact on my life was one I feel as though I took a bit for granted, as I did with the third person as well. It was at the end of 2013, only a few months of making YouTube videos, that I met this individual. I still was having a very difficult time making friends, or even considering people friends, and would think they were all associated with the first person I mentioned in the previous section. I genuinely thought that that girl was still after me, commenting on my videos, messaging me, trying to lure me into another trap to hurt me. But, at the end of 2013 I met someone who changed much of that.
From the very first message with her there was an immediate connection. It was like she was my friend for my entire life. Like, we just understood one another so well that it felt remarkable to connect with someone on that level. We didn’t connect on some things I am passionate about or she was passionate about, but there was a connection in many other areas. This was strictly friendship, there were no romantic elements involved. But, she took a level of interest in me that I thought no one would. It was confusing to me that someone could be this interested in getting to know me because I felt I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve people in my life that found me interesting. But, she proved me wrong. She was patient, kind, and understanding. In my mind I still worried intensely about being abandoned, betrayed, and hurt. I didn’t want to go through that anymore.
She was someone that I could speak with about very personal things that were troubling me. Like, I’m having a bad day, or a bunch of people said some ignorant things to me online, like commenting things on my videos, that would drive to wanting to commit suicide. I literally was about to do it one time in April of 2014 because of how bad it was. But, she was there for me. She stuck by my side and supported me no matter what. She helped me through the difficult time. She saw the best and worst of me and accepted all of it, proving to me that she could always be there for me. I developed a trust for her, which was the first time I was able to. She opened me up and allowed me to be more social. What I mean is, I would write to her on Facebook and she would always immediately respond to me. I didn’t like to reply same day so I just waited until the following day. But, she was eager to talk with me and get to know more about me. After some time, I decided to actually stay on and chat with her in real time. She was so thrilled that I was actually doing it, as I was quite scared of it. But, I took that step despite how difficult it was. And as a result, we talked for hours during that first chat and learned so much about one another. I wasn’t nervous anymore about talking in this fashion and became so much more open. Even during our chats, we would make dinner. She would take photos and tell me the steps to prepare whatever meal she was fixing at the time. It was so much fun. Some time after, we decided to video chat, which we both were rather nervous about. It was the first ever time video chatting for me and it wasn’t uncomfortable. There was so much to talk about and we had so much fun talking for several hours. We did this periodically, maybe three times or so, and I always was so much fun.
However, this didn’t come without a downside. There were times that I would try to get her out of my life. It felt like it wasn’t me talking with her. Looking back now I determined that it was this controlling personality I had. It was the abuser within me. It would try to sabotage anything that could end up hurting me, and in this case it would mean to lose such a wonderful friend that had helped me. It was triggered by paranoia. I thought she was someone deceiving me and sending me other messages from another profile on Facebook. I thought it was her and would even mention this other person’s name to her and she would say that she had no idea who that was. All I could say was, “Oh yeah! I think you know who it is.” But, this controller was triggered one night and had a full conversation with her saying I wasn’t her friend. Saying that her friend, me, was not actually her friend because it was all to do me harm. In other words, it was for me to believe that she was my friend and then for it to make her leave and not talk to me anymore, causing me pain. It was self-destructive and it was like I wasn’t in control. But, she continued talking with it, saying how she will be my friend no matter what and that there was nothing that the controller would do to sabotage that friendship. With that it said that it didn’t have any further use for the conversation and got off Facebook. Maybe under an hour later I returned to myself and was like, “Oh my gosh, what just happened?” I immediately had memory of this entity talking with my friend, trying to take the friendship away. I immediately logged back on to ensured her that I was safe, and that things were alright, and that I didn’t know what just happened. I looked back at my messages to her with disgust. Seeing me talk to her in that way just upset me. But, it made me happy that she continued to talk with me and remain my friend. We only got closer from there.
However, there came a point at the end of 2014 where we started to drift apart. Neither one of us were really interested in one another anymore. The messages got shorter, more spaced apart, and we just lost communication with one another. But, during February of 2015, I did reach out to my friend again, and we did begin to converse once more and talked about various things. But, it was different. We both changed and that connection was just not there like it was. After a few more months, she would take a long time to reply. It turned into weeks and there was always an excuse. I realized at that point that I didn’t mean anything to her anymore, that she no longer valued our friendship, and I began feeling the same way. Instead of actually telling her how I truly felt, saying that we should work on our friendship, I would simply just say, “Oh, it’s ok that it took like a month to reply back to me. I understand how busy schedules are.” I guess I was afraid of telling her how it made me feel that we didn’t talk anymore because I didn’t want to lose her as a friend. But, there came a point when many, many weeks went by and I can see that she’s read the message but never replied. So, I had to end it and say goodbye since it became frustrating for me and I felt like I didn’t matter anymore.
But, let’s rewind a bit now. Let’s go back to literally the last few days of 2014 and during the beginning of 2015. During that time, the most profound person came into my life.
Person #3 : The Lover
At the end of 2014, I had already overcome so much in my life. Each year brought about a wonderful amount of change and positivity. 2014 in particular was about personal growth and recovery. I learned to not let the negative opinions of others affect my own thoughts of myself, as well as learned to cope with many of my emotional and mental problems. But at the end of 2014, I knew two things that had to be tackled next. The one was this controlling personality I talked about in the previous section. It was getting stronger and stronger, and I didn’t know how to handle it. It would even show up to my therapist, and she wanted to record it so I could see it since I was not aware of what it would do or say when in therapy.
But, the other thing I needed to tackle was love, specially letting love into my life and not viewing it as a threat. This controller certainly didn’t want me to have this which was a major influence on my views. Whenever someone told me that they loved me, such as family for example, or someone else who was romantically interested in me and would tell me it, I developed a hatred towards them. I shut them out of my life because I felt as though I truly didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve someone loving me or being able to give my love to someone. I viewed it as disgusting and to avoid any kind of pain that love could bring to my life, regardless of what positive can come of it, because in my mind, there was no positive, it was strictly negative. The amount of people I would just stop talking with or view differently because they told me that they were romantically interested in me was something I was irritated about. And I knew this was something to tackle and overcome. I wanted to overcome this because I no longer wanted to view it that way. But the problem was, I didn’t know how to approach it. If I don’t feel as though I deserve it, how can I get help for it? I couldn’t bring it up to my therapist because I couldn’t talk about it. I felt so shameful thinking about anything romantic or discussing it. I wanted to tell my therapist, but I just couldn’t because I viewed love as something I didn’t want because of the pain and like I didn’t deserve it. I even made a video in the beginning of 2015 about why I was single. Saying that I wasn’t ready because I didn’t quite fully love myself yet and that I got angry at anyone that would tell me they were romantically interested in me.
But, primarily at the beginning of 2015 I met someone that completely changed my life. The synchronicity and circumstances which we met under were surreal on both ends. She approached me in the best way possible. It didn’t start out as romantic, which I knew she knew would’ve ended instantly if she said she liked me. But, she approached me in a way that caught my attention, like no one else has ever done in my several years of talking with so many people. There was something about her that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. There was an immediate connection, more so than I had ever experienced in my entire life. We began writing very long messages to one another almost instantaneously, we’re talking multi-page essays. We just got one another and she would even say, “I don’t have to explain myself to you because you just get it.” Which I did. We even had dreams about one another regarding things we use to do. She would tell me, “I had a dream about you where you did this and that.” And, I was like, “That’s what I use to do in the past.” And then, I would do the same, share a dream I had about her and she would give me the same response, that she did what I dreamt about in the past. There was no doubt a spiritual connection between us. It was like talking with someone I knew my entire life, yet I’m just now getting to know them. The déjà vu experiences we had with one another were something that was profound, intense, and intriguing. It was something we both were very interested in and wanted to explore.
I started to take an interest in her, in a romantic way, almost immediately after I began talking with her which was the first genuine time I had let myself fall in love with someone after I transitioned to female and began to love myself. Everything prior to this was out of desperation, and feeling lonely. But with her, it felt so different, and I think it’s because I was actually talking with and getting to know someone that I was interested in and because I loved myself more. The connection we shared which we were still trying to figure out was something we both were interested in exploring. I could sense that she was also interested in me. But, neither one of us told one another just yet.
But, this didn’t come without problems. I made her aware, and she knew, that I had problems pushing people away as well as viewing them negatively if they told me they were interested in me. She was understanding and ensured me that I could share anything with her, which I did begin to. Whenever I had those negative thoughts, she listened and gave her honest opinion which helped. I was there for her also when she needed me. During the middle of this, however, life wanted to test me one last time regarding my past. Here was the situation. There was another woman, at the same time, telling me that they were romantically interested in me. I of course was not interested in this other girl. They commented to get my attention to look at what they privately shared with me. I knew immediately, before I even looked at it, that it was about being romantically interested in me. And, I looked at this letter and here comes this overwhelming resentment and hatred towards this person. Her and I would communicate prior to her telling me, but then it mostly stopped after she told me. All I said in reply to her was that I didn’t know how to respond to that. I was keeping in all this anger I had. I made that video about being single and was thinking, “You better watch this so you know I’m not interested in you.”
But, how this other girl was a test life was throwing at me had to do with a connection between her and the girl I was interested in. For you see, both these girls were interested in me, and yet both of them were friends with one another. They both were commenting on my posts, talking with me, with one another. And on top of that, they shared many similar interests with one another and me. I immediately started to think, “Ok, this must be a joke.” In that, I truly thought that because I rejected the girl that told me that she was interested that she told a friend, the girl I was interested in and was forming a connection with, that she wanted her to lead me on so I could be with the original girl that told me she was interested. In the past, I would’ve believed those paranoid thoughts, but due to the progress in 2014, I dismissed it. I didn’t let it affect the relationship.
So from that point, I continued to talk with this girl that I was interested in and she was interested in me. I didn’t let those negative thoughts affect our relationship. But, it did become difficult when she actually questioned the post this other girl, her friend, made directed to me about being attracted to me. But, I told her what it was about and we let it go. I felt proud of myself since that felt like I passed the test life was giving me, to learn to trust. Continuing from there, our relationship only got stronger. We wrote super long messages, and even started video chatting every weekend. One time we did it for nearly 12 hours. I even dreamt that she was saying romantic things to me and that we were in a relationship. And, I told her my dream and said, “I’m dreaming it because it’s something I’ve thought about with you.” And that was the first time I ever told someone something like that, and what better way than telling them a dream I had. I was scared that she wasn’t going to reply after that, but she did and said that she liked me too. There was no resentment towards her at that point. I felt so thrilled that finally someone I was interested in was also interested in me, because I never thought it was possible. I never thought anyone could love me. But, she truly did care about me.
After nearly two months of talking, we actually met in person and we both just were in shock. It felt surreal, like a dream, and yet familiar like it happened before. We met twice, being spaced apart a week and spent nearly 24 hours together during each visit and I truly cannot express in words the level of connection that was there. It was something that was so familiar to me, yet I never had any kind of experience being that close to someone. It was meaningful to me and she meant so much to me. Here was this person that I cared so deeply about, actually here with me. But, it was much more than that. Before I even met her, I would think about a girl that was my partner. I knew she existed and I would think about her and knew she was thinking about me, but we didn’t know one another. I would clearly see us doing things together, like even some of the more basic things such as going to the grocery store, and so many other things. And, when I met this girl in person, it was exactly that person that I thought about for so long. They were finally here and we actually were doing exactly what I envisioned for so long, like going to the grocery store for the basic example. Something as simple as that made me feel this connection with her since it was so familiar to me, yet this was the first time of it physically happening during this lifetime. This connection was certainly something remarkable. The most enjoyable experience, I think for the both of us, was the spiritual connection we shared. During our time together we even did some meditations with one another, which was something else I envisioned and wanted to share with someone else. And, here we were doing exactly what I had envisioned for so long. And, I cannot put that into words, because it was very meaningful to me. I accepted all of her, and when she told me certain things that were difficult to hear, that could turn me away, I accepted them, and was even more attracted by what she had been through and learned to overcome. This allowed me to learn unconditional love since I cared deeply about her, and it was a genuine feeling of love and acceptance. There wasn’t anything that turned me away from her, and everything was only making me more attracted, which I felt as an attraction on all levels. The personal things she told me were all things she said she never told anyone else, and I was one that could truly understand, which I certainly did.
But, this positive didn’t come without negativity and pain. Several months after we met in person and were continuing to talk, there came a point when things started to turn bad. I think due to the frequency we would communicate, we started to get annoyed and bored of one another. I felt I needed a break for maybe a few weeks, but I never told her. And, I could sense that she felt the same, but also didn’t tell me. Due to this lack of communication, we started to drift apart. We started talking less and then excuses starting coming into play. Then came the point when she made the decision to not reply to me anymore. I then opened up about how she made me feel, and I felt she just invalidated it by not taking me seriously. I felt that because I opened up about how it made me feel that she stopped talking with me that she didn’t want anything more to do with me, like I was being ignored because I opened up. It hurt me so bad. I never thought anyone so close could hurt me so bad. It was so rough for me to have to deal with that. I felt like I no longer had anyone to talk to. I didn’t want it to end this way. I think it really could’ve worked out if we had recognized the issues soon enough and actually discussed them and worked on them. But, it didn’t work out that way.
What made this so much worse was that all my friends left at the same time. The previous person I talked about, when we lost contact with one another for the second time I also began to lose contact with another long-term friend. I remember thinking, “At least I have one friend that understands me more than anyone else. I know she will never just stop talking with me.” And then, within a few weeks after I thought that, she left. I became so frustrated and depressed. It was like I no longer had anyone to talk to. And, I couldn’t send any messages to them because it would take like a week for them to even see it, and they would’ve never replied. So, I had to do what was best for me, which was say goodbye. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I truly wished something could’ve been worked out, but I couldn’t continue going on where I wasn’t wanted. If someone doesn’t want me, then they don’t need to be in my life. So, to do what was best for me, I had to say goodbye and deactivate the Facebook account and just leave it until I could straighten things out with myself, which I certainly have since then.
I was able to face those negative emotions associated with this, and even overcome them. But, there have certainly been times that it all comes back and I find myself crying over what I had lost and wanting it back. But, it’s what I learned from the experience with her that helped me grow. When we initially started talking, she said that in 2015 that I would overcome the problems I was facing. She said she was sure of it. I think we both knew that she would be the reason why I would overcome the problems. This controlling personality, early on, would say to me that she was here to get close to me and take me all the way back to when my problems were the worst. I mentioned this to her and she put some reason into me and that made me very happy to hear that she was supportive. And sure enough, what happened was that I was able to overcome the problems. All of them, they’re just gone now. She helped me just by showing me love and acceptance. It was such a remarkable feeling to not have that negativity within myself, to not have that hatred towards myself or thinking I wasn’t deserving of love. She brought light to where there was darkness. Where I had no hope and no way of knowing how to accomplish what I needed to, she allowed me to overcome the problems.
The hatred I use to have when someone would tell me that they were interested in me or loved me is gone. I am so much more open to that now. I felt I didn’t deserve it, but I learned that I do deserve it. It doesn’t have to be strictly romantic for me to show my love to someone. I know show my love to others and express it without feeling ashamed of myself. Such things as caring about others and showing them love and support. Even to the point of sending some hearts in messages to cheer someone up, in a non-romantic sense, which is something I would’ve never considered before. She gave me the ability back that I never thought I could have back. I just didn’t know how and she taught me. I’m sure you can tell just by some of the videos I’ve done more recently about love and relationships. It’s on a so much more positive note now. I’m not avoiding talking about it. I’ve incorporated several of her ways of life and how she does things as my own and it’s greatly benefitted me and helped me love and accept myself even more.
She has allowed me to trust more people now and not fear rejection. I always had a fear of rejection, and not wanting someone in my life if there were not going to be here for the rest of it. Yet, I was losing so many friends and couldn’t keep a single one. After I lost the friends I was closest to just in 2015, I realized it was because of a lack of communication. They would stop talking for a while and I would say it was alright. I wasn’t being open about how it was truly making me feel because I didn’t want to upset them and make them leave. I feared being neglected and abandoned by the people I was closest to, but that’s exactly what happened due to my fear and not being open and honest with them. This event taught me to be the most honest person I can be, without trying to hide things to keep people in my life. Because, I lost people that I truly cared about and wanted in my life, but are no longer actively in my life because of my hesitation. I’ve learned that if I truly want people in my life, I need to be more honest about how they make me feel, even if it’s something negative. I no longer have that fear of rejection and have accepted it as a part of life. This has allowed me to make different kinds of friendships and talk with people and trust them more. I trust the people in my life so much more than I ever have. And it was all thanks to what this girl and I could share together. It was something phenomenal and life-changing and I will never forget it because it truly meant a lot to me.
I can only hope that I’ve made an impact on these people’s lives as well, as much as they have mine. That I was able to help them grow and figure out their life and be who they want to be. While I cannot force anyone to stay in my life or do things I want, I genuinely do miss what we could share together. My friends and the connections that I could share with them all meant a lot to me. I truly valued the friendship, even if I seemed like I took it for granted from time to time. It was something that allowed me to be a better person. I learned from these experiences to better myself, and then project and educate what I learned to help others with similar problems or in similar situations. For any of these three people that I talked about that may be watching this right now, I just want to say thank you, because it’s really meant a lot to me.
Thank you for listening to my story if you’ve made it this far. I appreciate you taking the time to listen to what I have to say and understand my feelings and emotions associated with these events. To wrap things up, a soul mate connection is one that is often life-changing to help one learn and grow to help themselves. It doesn’t just have to be one person, nor is it limited to romantic relationships. Everyone is our soul mate since your friends, enemies, and everyone else in between are here to help you grow to discover your true purpose on this Earth, that which is what is destined by your higher self and to teach you that we are all one since there is no separation. I hope this information could help bring some clarity to your life. Thank you for watching!