Hi everyone! This video is going to be about learning to take responsibility for your actions and problem and not blame them on other people. All of us have blamed other people for our own problems and mistakes. We may do so consciously, but there are times that we do so subconsciously, in that we deny within ourselves what the problem actually is, ourselves, and instead blame someone else because that is what we truly believe. Both of these can be quite challenging to overcome, or even realize. But, there certainly are ways of dealing with it.
First, we must discuss why someone might not take responsibility for their actions. Blame and excuses, not take responsibility, often is because we may feel ashamed of our decisions, that we are not satisfied with our life or do not have the life we want. Whether it be consciously or subconsciously, when you deny something and blame it on someone else, usually that indicates that you are not happy with your decision. Perhaps you are embarrassed by it, ashamed of it, whatever else. You do not want to take responsibility because you do not want to admit you were wrong to someone else and don’t want them to think differently of you. In other words, it’s covering up what you truly feel are your weaknesses. A conscious attempt of not taking responsibility could be as simple as a child blaming something they did on another person in the family. Let’s say they broke something in the house, and when their parent confronts them about it, they say it was their brother or sister. The reason why they don’t want to take responsibility is because they may fear their parents and being punished. They may not want to disappoint their parents so they deny it. Yet they know, as usually everyone that lies knows, that denying something you did and then later being caught guilty of it results in even more trouble and punishments. In other words, this lying is more of a quick escape to avoid the inevitable.
Now, what about subconsciously not taking responsibility? This one is a lot more difficult to deal with since the person truly believes it’s not their fault. This is especially what I will be addressing in this video and it can get quite complex. An example would be someone who behaves a certain way. They steal from their family and friends. While they can consciously deny and not take responsibility for stealing the items in question that they are being accused of, perhaps they are caught on many occasions and they always give the same excuse. This excuse is something many of us hold within ourselves. The excuse that they use is that they blame their behavior on their father for being so abusive towards them when they were a child and not growing up in a proper household. Is this an excuse, or is this reasonable? Well, to them it’s reasonable. They identified the problem, their father, and behave the way they do because of their father, at least that is what they think. They have not been able to let go of the abuse done to them by their father, so they blame their own behavior on their father since they think he is the one responsible. This is subconscious, in that they truly believe their father is the reason why they are the way that they are. And the truth is, that is a perfectly reasonable excuse, to a degree. The thing is, how you were raised certainly makes an imprint in your mind of the type of person you should be. This particular person was abused, and developed negative coping mechanism for the abuse that was done to them. They have been unable to address it and let go of it which is why they behave the way they do. While their father is no longer actively involved in their life, they still hold their father inside themselves and blame their own behavior on him. But, at any point then can say that they are done with it and ready to move on. Yet, they choose not to because often they do not know how or want to address it.
Let’s look at a better example that most of us that have been through a rough situations can relate to. Let’s say someone close to us abuses us or betrays us. This leads to negative views of the other people around us. Perhaps we become paranoid of others, thinking everyone will do us wrong because of the initial person that did us wrong. It affected us so deeply that we fear it happening again. Due to this fear, we try to avoid it as much as possible, which leads to feelings of isolation. We say no one likes us or wants to be our friend because they always betray us. Yet, do we ever actually think it’s because we allow it?
This described me and what I use to do in the past. I would feel so alone and wonder why no one liked me. Yet, was it because no one truly cared about me or was it because of my perception of those that did betray me? In other words, I felt alone and would blame other people for my isolation. I would say, “No one likes me and I am so alone.” Yet never did it cross my mind that I was alone because I pushed people away due to the fear of being abandoned by them. Yes, the answer was inside me all along. I blamed other people because I thought they were trying to do me wrong, and yet what I really should’ve been doing was taking responsibility for my own life. I didn’t let myself move on from the past so it kept repeating itself and I would not take responsibility for it. The reason events repeat themselves in your life, which is very common for anyone who has not moved on, is simply that, because you have not moved on. In order to move on, you have to take responsibility and rise above it to better yourself. You have to learn from the experiences so you can be a better person. Yet, many of us are stuck where we are in life.
This is how many of us are. We are in an extremely bad life situation, negative mood, bad people in our life that abuse us, and yet, never does it cross our mind that at any point we can say, “No, I’m going to do what is best for me,” and then proceed to work at becoming a better person. In other words, we end up staying in this negative place with the wrong people because we are not allowing ourselves to move on. We are not owning up to the fact that our life is the way it is because of ourselves and only ourselves. We are holding ourselves back and preventing ourselves from achieving the life we truly want, or even worse, may not even know what we want in life so we settle with abuse and negative thinking because we feel that is what we deserve.
An example I’ve personally seen is someone who had an abusive partner. They blame all their problems on the abusive partner that left the picture years ago. Yet, at any point they can admit that the abusive partner was in their life in the first place because of them. They let the abuser into their life, their home, and stuck it out, with abuse, for many years. They had so many opportunities to eliminate it, or perhaps talked it out with them, trying to work on the relationship, but they let it happen to them because they perhaps didn’t know how to help themselves. So, years later when the relationship was finally done and over with, they blame their current poor choices on their abusive partner instead of owning up to the fact that it happened to them because they allowed it. Often they will not take responsibility because they genuinely don’t believe it was their fault, and deny their involvement being any part of how they are behaving now.
I’m sure this all sounds familiar to many of you, blaming someone else for how your life is, despite you being the only one in true control of your life. So, how then can you recognize this and learn to take responsibility for your life and decisions and work on bettering yourself? I’ll discuss that now.
How to Take Responsibility
In order to take responsibility you have to first want to help yourself. I have a video dedicated to helping yourself so there will be an annotation and a link in the description. [Help Yourself] Helping yourself is crucial to taking responsibility. If you do not want to help yourself you will not get anywhere. This goes hand-in-hand with realizing that you are the only one in control of your life. If you respect yourself you would not allow other people to control you or influence your actions or decisions. When you do not know how to help yourself or respect yourself other people ultimately control you and you would not be living your life the way you would want to. So definitely learned to have some respect for yourself. Likewise what if you like to please other people? This too falls under the same category. Perhaps you lie about something because you don’t want another person to think badly of you. In other words, you manipulate your own image of yourself to other people. This often comes from a place of fearing losing the people close to us. We may fear that if we don’t present a positive image to them that they will hate us. Again, this is often because we may not respect ourselves. If we truly loved and accepted ourselves we would not have that fear of what others think of us. We would associate with people that truly loved and cared about us and can accept us.
This leads me into the next key point, learn to accept the decisions you make. Perhaps every time you make a bad decision you end up feeling regret and embarrassment so you lie to other people to avoid the embarrassment. Perhaps something that could help is to actually think the situation through and learn why you feel as though it was a bad decision. Each decision you make in your life should be something that is thought out and is approached with confidence and you are proud of it. That’s not to say that you will not make bad decisions, but you can learn from the bad decisions. When you feel embarrassed with your decisions you may want to hide it from others, which can lead to you lying and manipulating your own image. So perhaps instead of lying to someone else you work on admitting it to yourself and accept it first. Then perhaps describe how it was a mistake to the other person and what you’ve learned from it and how you’ve grown. Once you have addressed it with yourself first, taking responsibility for your life will certainly be easier. This is because you don’t hold those negative attachments within yourself, and are more comfortable with your decision.
And the final step is to get in touch with who you really want to be. Think about the person you want to be and work at making the decisions that are appropriate for you to achieve your goals. When you do something with confidence, even if it was a mistake, it will be easier for you to take responsibility for it because you will not feel ashamed of it. Furthermore, when you are living your life with confidence, living as the person you feel you truly are, then you would not feel ashamed of your actions or decisions. Your life will feel successful and free from trying to escape from bad decisions. In other words, you addressed the root issue of your problems, you, and have broken free from the grip you held so desperately and allowed yourself to move on. Your let go of other people’s opinions and views and have learned to do what is best for you. This has allowed you to have a successful life which comes with confidence and appropriate decision making.
So in conclusion, taking responsibility for your actions can be difficult since you may fear what other people say or think about you, or do not want to disappoint another person. But, taking responsibility can be done by learning to accept your decisions yourself and realize that you are the only one in control of your life. Only you can hold yourself back. But, only you have the power to move on and can get yourself out of the negative situation. So, by discovering the person you really want to be, you can have a successful, confident life if you work hard at becoming that person. I hope this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!