Hi everyone! This video is going to be about monogamy, polyamory, and the ability to love more than one person. Is it possible to love more than one person, primarily at the same time? Wouldn’t that be considered cheating on your partner? What differentiates a monogamous relationship of just two people, and a polyamorous relationship of more than two people? Theses are all questions I will be covering in this video.

Society is a determining factor in many our actions. Society may say it is wrong to love more than one person at a time, marry more than one person at a time, even for a while it was not legal to marry someone of the same sex. But, the ability to love more than one person is something we all have experience with to some degree. Usually the first person you fall in love with, and perhaps have a relationship with, may not be the one that will be in your life for the rest of it. Things may happen and the relationship may fade, and you find someone else to love. This is something most of us can relate to that have been involved in more than one relationship. Or perhaps what if there is a love triangle before a commitment? You are in love with two other people, and they love you, but you feel as though you can only choose one, at least that is what society may say. These are just basic examples of the ability to love more than one person, but it goes much deeper than this.

The ability to love is something we all share in common. We, as human beings, naturally love other people and want love and acceptance in return. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, the ability to love can extend further than just to one other person. A monogamous relationship, which is what many of us are familiar with, is having one partner. It may be for a lifetime, but often it’s not. But, it’s still considered monogamy when with the one person during the relationship period. Polyamory on the other hand is having more than one partner at the same time, but not in the cheating and lying sense. I’ll discuss that in a bit. But, monogamy is not natural to human beings, in that it’s often a state instilled by society. Being told that it’s wrong to be in love with more than one person, and even to the extent in some societies of it being unethical to have more than one partner in a lifetime. Even religion can have a say in our relationships. These are depictions that society or religion gives us, but certainly not the rules to live out our own lives by since human beings, as a species, can be in love with as many or as little other people as they choose to be with.

With that being said, it’s not so much a question about how it’s possible to love more than one person, but rather to ask how you can let love into your life. Love is not something we should ever feel ashamed of since it’s natural to all of us. However, how we were raised certainly plays an impact on how we view love and relationships. If we had neglectful parents, we may not want love in our life because we fear it, or perhaps crave it so desperately in a destructive manner. These people may avoid relationships, or be involved in as many as possible, which are generally spontaneous relationships. The former was actually the type of person I use to be. I avoided all contact with others. I feared being judged and disliked. Whereas other people who were shown love as a child may grow up to be open and accepting of love and express that. This is the person I am becoming. Someone who is more open. Someone who has made significant progress of becoming open. Regardless, allowing love into your life, whether it be from one dedicated partner, or multiple dedicated partners, is something that should allow you to grow as a person and express yourself. Showing love and consideration to others, even in the non-romantic sense, is what is important. And, opening up to that allows you to reconnect with your true self, which is the most true love of all, the love you have for yourself.

Now, I think it’s time to discuss some common misconceptions of polyamorous relationships. One of the most common misconceptions is that it doesn’t show commitment, or is like cheating in a sense. People who are involved in a poly relationship are committed to the people involved in the relationship just as much as a monogamous couple are. The only difference is that it’s commitment to multiple partners. On the topic of cheating, this has nothing to do with poly relationships. A cheater is someone who is usually dissatisfied with their relationship, who goes behind their partner’s back to fulfill a need that they are not getting in the current relationship. This can happen in any relationship. The person may feel pressured to stay with the person or people, become detached, and then cheat on their partner to get the satisfaction they want that they are not getting, that they are lacking in their current relationship. The only real difference within a poly relationship is that there may, and should be, more communication amongst the people involved. So, if someone were to become less interested, this should be addressed, just as in any relationship.

Another common misconception is that it is kinky behavior, or that it’s all about sex. This is as far from the truth as it is to say that other relationships are all about sex. While sex can certainly be a part of any relationship, it’s not the only factor in a relationship. Some polyamorous couples may have sex with their partners together, or separately, or not at all. It depends on the relationship. Relatedly, someone may think that someone involved in a polyamorous relationship is not getting enough of love or affection from just one partner, in that they must have multiple to fill a void within themselves that is deprived of love. This is the opposite of what a poly relationship is all about. The ability to love and receive love from others is a sign that you are comfortable and confident with yourself. That you love and accept yourself. It shows your ability to be open-minded and let love into your life without resisting it, allowing you to love unconditionally in return. And showing love and accepting love from multiple partners only validates this further.

In addition, sexual orientation in regard to being in a polyamorous relationship can vary. With that being said, not everyone involved in a poly relationship may have a relationship with one another. Let’s say there are five people involved in a relationship. They may not all be in a relationship with one another. Let’s say out of these five there are two men and three women. One woman is straight and is only with the men, while the men are bisexual and are with the other women. Things can get complex. But, the point is that not all poly relationships are the same, nor are the people involved in them. But regardless, it’s still a polyamorous relationship if it involved more than two people.

And lastly, another misconception has to do with a related term, polygamy. Usually the word polygamy has stigma associated with it. Polygamy basically means a marriage of more than two people. Usually this term has stigma associated with it because of history and the term referring to a more male dominating society that oppressed women. This and the other misconceptions associated with poly relationships and the ability to love more than one person at a time is often why people have a hard time accepting it. It may not be accepted by society because people don’t fully understand it and grasp the concept that all of us share, love.

Another thing to discuss is raising children. How does a child fair being raised by so many parents? Perhaps some of the parents are not really a part of their child’s life, but others actively are. There are many things that can occur within a poly relationship and raising children. But, like any relationship that has children, special attention needs to be dedicated to the child. There needs to be time for the child to spend with their parents. No matter how many people may be raising the child, if no one truly dedicates time to the child, then they will be raised with an attitude that no one really cares about them and feel neglected as a result.

Communication is even more important in a poly relationship for the simple fact that there are more people involved. In order to have a healthy polyamorous relationship, you have to be willing to communicate. Relatedly, jealousy can and will happen, but it can also be a way for you to understand the emotions associated with jealousy. However, when truly diving into the feeling of jealousy, and experiencing it, and facing it and letting go of it, you will better handle these emotions when you feel them. And for people in a polyamorous relationship, they have to face that there are times they will become jealous. Perhaps one person is spending more time with another and you are feeling neglected and unloved. This is your chance to communicate. Jealousy is a common theme in monogamous relationships as well. Maybe your partner is spending a lot of time with their friend and you feel neglected and like you don’t matter to them. Again, communicate. These are common themes in any relationship that give you the chance to learn about it and effectively communicate with your partner or partners.

How I view things, a romantic relationship of any kind, straight people, gay people, monogamous people, polyamorous people, and anything and everything in between, is all the same in a sense. It’s a relationship between two or more people that should include love, communication, enjoyment, and the ability to learn and grown from one another to become a better person. That’s how I view relationships. It doesn’t matter the term or label that can be applied to it, you just love who you love, no matter if it’s one person, or multiple people, or someone of the same sex, opposite sex, whatever. As long as you and everyone involved are benefiting and growing from it, as well as communicating effectively, then that’s all a relationship is. It doesn’t need to be complex, or have a variety of labels applied to it. It is whatever you make it. So, I hope this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!

Additional Info

I could never understand the ability to love more than one person. It didn’t make sense to me why anyone would want to share their life with more that just one partner. However, this was when I was missing out on the most important love of all, self-love. This was also when I was closed off to love and viewed it as a threat since I didn’t feel as though I deserved it, saying I was not worthy of having someone in my life. Yet, as time progressed I became more open to love and began to accept it into my life. Even since just earlier in 2015 when I posted my “I’m Single” video significant progress has been made. So much to the point that I no longer view love as something that is disgusting or trying to do me harm, and thus no longer avoid it. Rather, I no longer am filled with hatred of someone that could tell me they were interested in me since that is what I use to do when I was closed off from love.

What this all means is that during this period in my life I became more open, I realized that love is not something we should ever feel ashamed of, nor have people, society, or religion tell us what is “right” and what is “wrong.” I realized that it is possible to love more than one person. We may all love multiple partners in our lifetime, sometimes at different times, and maybe not necessarily in the romantic sense, but it’s certainly possible by allowing love into one’s life without resistance. In fact, I view it as being completely open and expressing yourself to your partner(s), and most importantly, loving and accepting yourself, which is the most genuine love of all.

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Cécile Adam
Cécile Adam
April 28, 2019 6:24 PM

Hi Autumn Asphodel, Just came across your video, article as I am looking for examples of a situation that I am in. A classical one. Highly mutual love on all aspects with a man who is luckily married. Now we are all friends and feel warm sympathy among all three, and many family events are shared. The romantic love part though is between us two, and not with the married friends. We are struggling in the question of how to be inclusive in what is happening to us, to the wife, who we both love and won’t hurt. I agree… Read more »