Hi everyone! This video is going to be about moving on from past relationships. Moving on from a relationship is not easy. It can be very difficult, especially if you’ve been with the person for a long time. The longer you are with the person, the longer you know them, the more difficult it’ll be to let go and move on. But the truth is that it is possible to move on. Whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship that no longer works, moving on from something that no longer serves you that you are still holding onto is possible.
I actually wrote the script for this video to help with my own problems in a relationship. The relationship itself wasn’t necessarily bad, but it simply didn’t work due to the lack of communication on both ends, followed by personal issues on their end that led to, “I’m not going to talk with you anymore, nor am I going to even let you know why or what’s going on.” It was difficult for me to move on, primarily because of how it ended and the lack of understanding and open dialogue about what was going on. But, after writing the script for this video, I learned so much and it gave me the strength to move on because I realized I was ready to move on. As a result, I saw the relationship that I shared with this other person as meaningful, life-changing, and something I learned from and do not regret in the slightest. That is what has personally helped me.
But anyway, not all relationships work out. You cannot expect to be with just the person you are happy with now and have it last a lifetime. It may, but it may not, and that is something that needs to be realized before even being involved in a relationship. Learn to not be scared of a breakup. The most compatible people can drift apart. It does happen. I have a video that goes into much greater detail about how to form and maintain healthy friendships and relationships so I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description if you would like to check that out. [Forming Relationships] A healthy relationship is important since if you are in an unhealthy relationship and cannot make it work no matter what you do, then it’s time to move on.
A lot of times there will be cycle that turns a healthy relationship into an unhealthy one. Perhaps if your partner cheated on you, it’ll begin with anger. You say you hate your partner, that you knew all along that they were cheating, that you should have never married them, regretting being with them, whatever else. Later, you feel depressed and hurt by what your partner has done. Still thinking you made a bad mistake, regretting marrying them, asking why they would do that to you. And then comes the point where you think about past relationships and realize the same thing. “Why does everyone cheat on me? Do I deserve a loving partner? Am I worthy of having love and loving someone?” What starts out as anger turns into sadness, regret, and then blaming yourself and feeling guilty. After you blame yourself, you may begin to feel lonely, maybe even desperate, like there is no one for you. This is where you can either stay in the relationship you are in now, an abusive relationship filled with lies and secrets, or perhaps start to work on your current relationship to better it. If both you and your partner work on the relationship and nothing can be done for it to work, it’s time to break it off and learn to move on and do what is best for you.
So, now I will discuss ways of being able to move on and let go of past relationships. This can apply to any sort of relationship, romantic relationships or friendships. While remaining friends after a romantic relationship is feasible for some, it’s not for others. Even just talking about the issues in the relationship with one another, and even perhaps a third party, like a friend or a therapist, is important but is not possible for a great deal of relationships, especially those that end in a very negative way or with no communication. So, think about your own relationship and figure out the best road for the both of you and remember that you are not your partner. You are only you so you cannot possibly expect your partner to do things or talk with you to get closure. It may happen, but it may not happen. So, be prepared and learn to move on and let go on your own.
Moving On & Letting Go
One of the first things to moving on is to recognize that you are ready to move on. This is one of the hardest steps since you may be in denial about the relationship and still have some hope in your mind that things will work out. You want the two of you to be happy, but are unhappy since it’s not how you want it. That is very difficult to let go of because you may have hope, but the other person simply doesn’t and is no longer interested in you. Perhaps you are thinking about the person too much that it makes you upset that they are no longer with you. These thoughts can be intrusive and you may have a difficult time letting go of them. Perhaps you want them to know how badly they hurt you, even hate them. Kinda like love and hate kind of thoughts. Just random things may bring back a memory of them, perhaps you even talk about them in conversations with others. Whatever else, these are all signs that you have not moved on, primarily if it’s still affecting you and you still have an emotional attachment. So, view your thoughts about this person and realize and say to yourself, “I’m ready to move on.” Only then can you allow yourself to move on and let go.
With that being said, it’s time to move on. What you can do here is to realize that they are not the person for you. If you are thinking at this point, “Maybe they are. We had a great relationship after all.” Then it’s time to revisit step one and realize that you are ready to move on, since if you are still holding onto attachments and hope, then you will not be able to accomplish this step. So, think about the situation and realize that if it was meant to be, that it would’ve lasted. If you try to fight that force, then you are worrying about things you have no control over which causes stress. Even other people may say to you that this other person is not the right person for you, or that there is someone else. And yet, you may remain in denial, holding onto hope that simply will not be, then that is a sign you have not moved on and it’s negatively affecting your life. When you have those attachments, that is when the bad feelings come into play. Depression, anger, and regret are all common when going through a breakup since you may not want it to end and are trying to hold onto something that simply will not work out. In other words, you are resisting the inevitable which causes an enormous amount of stress and anxiety.
Relatedly, recognize what you learned from the experience. No matter how long it was or how it ended, there is always something to learn. The reason for learning from it is to form even better connections with other people in the future. If you are unable to learn or get anything out of the experience, then you may end up repeating your mistakes over and over again, which is not what anyone wants. So, think about the relationship, feel the emotions, both good and bad, and think about what it taught you. What things made it go right? When did it go wrong? How can you work on yourself to form an even better connection with other people in the future? What did you learn from it?
Internally thank the person for what they have given you, forgive them for what they have done. This is another crucial step since if you can forgive them, let go of grudges, let go of negative attachments, and realize that it simply wasn’t meant to be will allow you to view the breakup from a much more positive perspective which will allow you to learn from the relationship so your next one is even better. I will have a video about grudges which I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description. [Grudges] But, by learning from your mistakes, your partner’s mistakes, as well as learning what made the relationship work and didn’t work, you will be on the right path to learning and taking away something positive from the experience to grow and better your own life.
Once you have analyzed the relationship, you will often still have intrusive thoughts of the person. Letting go of thoughts, ideas, whatever else can be one of the most difficult things. Sometimes you can become obsessed over the ideas and really let it affect you. After a breakup, it is perfectly normal to feel this way. But, after weeks, months, maybe even years if you are still having these strong attachments and it’s prevented you from having other meaningful relationships, it’s time to learn to let go of these intrusive thoughts so it doesn’t have this negative effect on you. This does not mean repress your feelings when you feel them, but rather to let go of them constructively.
As with letting go of obsessions, intrusive thoughts, when the thought of this person you were with enters your mind, let it go. Let it out constructively so you are not obsessing over the thought of them and the relationship you two had. When your mind begins to think of the person you were with, gently bring your attention to something else to distract you from the thought of them. What this does is, with enough time, it will lessen the amount of time you are feeling that strong negative attachment when you think about them because you are learning to let go of them. As I said, it’s normal for them to be on your mind right after the breakup, but obsessing over it for an extended period of time is unhealthy, and you are not treating yourself with the respect you deserve, because you deserve to be happy. So, realize that as well, that by you not letting go, you are not doing what is of your best interest. You should always do what is best for you, and what is best for you is not this person.
Likewise, another way of letting go is to rewrite a better memory for items, events, places. Let’s say your partner gave you a pendant to always remind you of them. Whenever you saw the pendant you instantly thought of them and it was always a happy, wonderful thought. But, after the breakup the memory was gone. Instead, whenever you saw it, you became filled with sadness and regret. Now, with things like pictures of the person on your phone or computer, you can easily delete those so you are not looking at them and not reminding yourself of the person. But, for an item they gave you, or an event you two shared together, or a place you two visited, it’s not so easy. As with the pendant example, yes you can just toss it in the garbage, but you like the pendant and it’s important to you because someone special gave it to you. It’s ok to think of the person when you look at it, but when you feel sadness, regret, hatred, whatever other negative memory comes to you, then it’s not of your best interest to keep a hold of those memories and attachments.
So, learn to associate a new, happy, positive memory to the item, event, or place. Practice looking at the pendant and feeling whatever emotion you have and then let it pass. Look at it again and think of the positive you two shared, think of what you learned from them to better yourself, think of the life experiences you learned when you were with them, thank them and forgive them while doing this. It doesn’t have to be a negative memory of them, it could be a positive one. But the truth is, wiping the memory entirely is simply not possible. You may always think of them when looking at the pendant, but it doesn’t have to be a negative memory.
Next, do what is best for you. If you are having a difficult time moving on, ask yourself this simple question, “Do you deserve to feel this way?” The truth is, no you don’t. You deserve people in your life that love you and care about you. People that you can connect with. You do not deserve someone in your life that treats you badly, abuses you, or makes you feel you are inferior to them or anyone else. This goes hand in hand with realizing that they are not the person for you. Ask yourself if you want someone in your life that hurts you? If this person hurts you, then you deserve better and should always do what is best for you.
And lastly, realize that there are other people. Just because a relationship didn’t work out the way you wanted, doesn’t mean it’s the end of any and all relationships in your life. Quite the contrary. If you’ve followed these steps, you will see that all past relationships are preparing you for even better ones in the future. They teach you life lessons and allow you to grow as a person and become stronger. The one thing to note, however, is that just because there are other people out there for you doesn’t mean to jump right into another relationship when a previous one ends. There are plenty of people who completely skip the most important steps when moving on from a breakup. They jump right into another relationship with someone to avoid the pain of a breakup. That behavior is as unhealthy as not being able to let go of past relationships. What it does is only prepares the person to repeat the same mistakes over and over again, and not form any meaningful connections. There is a natural process of grieving, learning, and moving on, and if it’s not followed, you may end up making the same mistakes which will ultimately make you feel even more alone and harder for you to address your problems and let love into your life.
So in conclusion, moving on from a breakup or bad relationship can be challenging and takes time, so be patient. You may still have memories of the person you were with for some time, and it may make you upset that you are no longer with them. But, you have the power to move on with your own life as well. You cannot live it reminiscing of what could’ve been. You have to work on your own future and dedicate time to yourself and do what is best for you. And, your best interest is not this other person. Feel free to share your experiences and if you are having a difficult time moving on or how you moved on form a relationship. I hope this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!