What is Asexuality | The Asexual Spectrum

Asexuality is when an individual does not experience sexual attraction. Demisexuality, which is in between sexuality and asexuality, is when an individual only experiences sexual attraction once a strong emotional connect has been formed.

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    Hi everyone! This video is going to be about asexuality and the asexual spectrum. Asexuality is generally a type of sexual orientation, but when an individual doesn’t experience sexual attraction. So, it’s the opposite of someone who does experience sexual attraction. But, there is also an in between area as well. This gray area is in between sexuality and asexuality. Someone may identify with being demisexual or perhaps semisexual, or any of the other labels there are out there to identify with. Choose to identity as you above labeling yourself.

    The Asexual Spectrum
    The Asexual Spectrum

    But anyway, regarding this gray area between sexuality and asexuality, it is when an individual experiences a mix of both sexuality and attraction as well as asexuality and no sexual attraction. Demisexuality specifically is when an individual is asexual until a strong emotional connection has been formed. They do not experience sexual attraction until they are able to connect with someone on a much more meaningful level. This is personally what I am which I will discuss later in this video.

    There are many misconceptions about asexuality. One of the most common ones is that asexuals never fall in love, have sex, or even masturbate. This is incorrect. Someone who is asexual can fall in love and they can even be any orientation, such as straight, gay, bisexual, whatever else they choose to identify as. This doesn’t mean they will experience sexual attraction, but they can still fall in love with someone. Additionally, having sex or masturbating is independent of sexual attraction. You do not need to experience sexual attraction to experience sexual urges and pleasure. What this means is that asexuals do not necessarily hate sex, they can very much enjoy it actually and even have a high sex drive, but they do not experience the attraction towards another person in a sexual manner. Some asexuals may not like sex, others may. It depends on them. So, that is one of the biggest misconceptions.

    Another is that it is a choice and that the person is refraining from having sex, sexual abstinence. This too is incorrect. Asexuals do not refrain from sex, it’s that they simply do not experience sexual attraction. For someone who does experience sexual attraction, sex is often a major motivator. Many people may seek partners they are attracted to for example. For asexuals however, sexual attraction is not what will drive the relationship.

    Another thing to discuss at this point is that if abuse can lead one to being asexual, or cause a lack of interest in sex or sexual attraction. Like any other orientation, abuse is not what causes one to become asexual. However, if you were abused, especially sexual abuse, this can cause one to question their own sexuality, because of the abuse. Or if one was sexually abused, any kind of abuse for that matter, can cause one to become uninterested in sex and their own sexuality. Perhaps if the abuse was done by a member of the opposite sex, the person that was abused may identify as gay. This is why I personally believe that one’s identity can change depending on what they have been through and their views of what happened to them. While this is a topic to go into much greater detail at a later time, if you have been abused and are having identity issues, or that you are having a difficult time figuring yourself out, perhaps having very negative views towards sex, getting to the root of the situation you’ve been through can bring a lot of clarity to your life and help you reconnect with yourself and figure yourself out. Sex is not something to ever be ashamed of since it’s something we all have a desire for to various degrees, regardless of if we experience sexual attraction or not, or even what gender or sex we are or whom we are attracted to or find interesting and would want a romantic relationship with.

    Now I thought I’d briefly discuss my own experience on the subject. Personally, I am demisexual. Meaning that I fall between being sexual and asexual. I am asexual until a strong emotional connection with another person is formed where then I can experience sexual attraction. And this is exactly how it works for me. I am primarily a lesbian, in that I am attracted to femininity. The type of female I would be attracted to is not how they look or how sexy they are since that is not what I see initially. What I do see is who they are on the inside and when I get closer to them, that is when I start to become attracted to them. First it’ll always be an emotional attraction, doesn’t have to be romantic, but rather shared interests and compatibility, friendship or romantic. Once I was even able to experience a spiritual connection and attraction with another person which was the only time I’ve ever experienced that level of connection.

    After a connection has been formed, even if it’s just friends, if I feel a connection strong enough to them, then I may become physically attracted to them. This doesn’t necessarily mean I am romantically interested in them, but rather it means that I have formed a strong connection with them. I don’t usually feel that way about most people I’ve met for the simple fact that I tend to reserve physical and sexual attraction to people I am romantically interested in. But, for those that I have been romantically interested in, and after I feel a strong enough emotional, and once spiritual, connection with them, is when I will be physically attracted to them in a romantic sense, and then sexually attracted to them. It’s like I can see all of them. Who they are on the inside which is what sparked my interest in them, and then physically and sexually. I can then feel a connection that is powerful and profound. And while I’ve only experienced something of that nature once in my lifetime, it allowed me to understand myself and who I’m attracted to and how I tend to be attracted to people, friendship or in the romantic sense.

    So in conclusion, asexuality is when an individual does not experience sexual attraction. Demisexuality, which is in between sexuality and asexuality, is when an individual only experiences sexual attraction once a strong emotional connect has been formed. I hope this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!

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    Notes

    I’ve always felt somewhat asexual and sexual. It was something that was hard to explain in the past, but is much clearer to me now. In the past, I would certainly experience sexual attraction, but it was mostly in form of a fantasy and not with actual people. But, I never looked at a female and immediately felt attracted, not even now. I would never really have sexual fantasies as the thought of being sexual with another person didn’t interest me. Well, no that’s not true actually. It did interest me…a lot. But, I never acted upon it, and never fantasized to turn myself on. Rather, what I would fantasize about is the level of closeness I require before being sexual with another person. I require a meaningful connection before I feel attraction.