Hi everyone! This video is going to be about how you can find positivity in even the most negative circumstances. This is not always something most people consider since when something negative arises, whether it be emotions, events, traumatic experiences, whatever else we consider negative, we may often see it as negative and not something we want or see as important. But, the truth is that there cannot be negative without positive. And while you may be fixated on the negative of what happened, there are other aspects of the situation that are not always obvious to you that are positive. Ultimately, I see it as a learning experience. When you see everything as an experience to grow and learn, those situations that appear negative start to have meaning to you that you can use to benefit your life and be driven on the right path.
The first thing to note is that we cannot escape negativity. Negative events will happen, negative memories and emotions will surface, it’s just how it is. When you try to avoid the negative, it will hunt you down. Many times when we are feeling negative, we do not embrace it but instead try to run and hide from it, deny it, get rid of it. But in those emotions, there is something to learn. Let’s look at an example of someone trying to avoid a negative outcome. The person is trying to avoid having cancer by changing their diet and lifestyle, making attempts to avoid the negative situation. But on a deep level, subconsciously, it’s all that is on their mind and how they can prevent it. And as a result, they will manifest the exact same thing they are trying to not have. Instead of this person changing their lifestyle to avoid a negative situation, the cancer, a better route would be to focus on the positive reasons for wanting a healthier lifestyle. Reasons that are to not avoid negative outcomes.
The reason this would work and why trying to avoid the negative wouldn’t is quite simple. This person is trying to avoid the negative which turns into a subconscious obsession with avoiding the thought. But, focusing instead on a positive future goal and making steps at achieving that will work better because the person is not obsessing over avoiding something and instead have dismissed it altogether. I talked much more about this in my denial and resistance video which I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description. [Denial & Resistance]
But anyway, that is what I mean by we cannot escape the negative, because it will just not work. So, if you are in a negative space or having negative emotions or memories surfacing in your mind, many people may try to escape it since they don’t want to feel those negative emotions. Another thing many of us do are to obsess and sit in the negative space and we go into a downward spiral of feeling worse. We make ourselves feel worse just by our own thoughts. So if we can make ourselves feel worse, then we can make ourselves feel better. And, I think one of the most important things is to embrace the negative emotions you are having, analyze it, understand it, and ultimately learn why you are having it and see the positive reasons for it and then positively overcoming it.
It can be challenging at first to see how a negative event can be beneficial, but the more you begin to see the meaning behind it, and what it’s trying to tell you, then it adds up and you begin to see more positive situations in the negative ones you have had in your life. So, let’s start of small. Think of a recent time things didn’t work in your favor. Something minor that you were upset about or were anticipating the worst. Once you have this event in mind, ask yourself some of the following questions:
- Why did this event happen?
- How did it make me feel?
- Why did I feel that way?
- Did I benefit from this event in any way?
- Why do I feel that way?
- What did I learn?
When you ask yourself these questions, you may start to see a pattern if you dig deep enough. It may start of with negative reactions, that you do not know why it happened, or it happened because of insecurities you have about yourself. It may make you feel bad and negative. But, how did you benefit? That is the main question to ask because if you immediately just say, “I didn’t,” you haven’t thought about it enough or gotten to the core of what is going on. Like if you said, “There was nothing positive to come of it. It was strictly negative.” This is where your emotions are deterring you from seeing the full picture. They are focused on the negative, and if you were to let that attachment go and see how you benefited from it, even if it’s minor, then you are making progress of letting go of that negative and seeing the positive of the negative situation.
Start small and work to more deeper issues or trauma you went through. Yes, even if you suffered severe abuse and trauma, there is something to learn from those events. With those circumstances, it can be very challenging to see how it could be positive at all. But, when you can learn from the experience to grow and become an even stronger person, then it starts to make sense that your focus is important. Focusing on the negative will yield you even more negative, but seeing the positive reasons why the negative event happened and focusing your attention on your positive future goals, free from trauma, then you will get out of the negative space and be in a more positive one where progress can be made and you can find happiness in yourself and achieve your goals.
When dealing with negative aspects of a future event you are anticipating, you work on it in a similar way. Let’s say a person has to present a paper in front of class and are extremely anxious and think they will have a panic attack. They may ask some of these questions:
- Why do I feel this way?
- Why would the negative outcome be bad?
- How could things be better?
- Do I realize I can make the outcome better just by focusing on how I want it to be?
So, this person may feel like they will freak out because of their preexisting anxiety they have in crowds. To them, they feel like it would be bad because they would look like a fool in front of the class and other people would hate them and make fun of them. Let’s stop right there, immediately you can see that the person is having issues because of how they think others will perceive them. Essentially, their anxiety is coming, not from the crowd itself, but from how they think other people will react to them. How they feel about themselves is dependent on how others perceive them, and that is where the problem lies. Keep asking the questions until you get to the deepest level to figure out the true cause of the problem.
Then, how they think things could get better is if things went smoothly, without anxiety, which again is a problem for them since they feel as though other people influence their behavior. Then they ask if they realize they can make the outcome better by focusing on how they want it to be. At this point it will be clear to them that if they let go of how others interpret them, essentially causing them the anxiety, and instead think things will go positively and how they want, without that underlying, subconscious fear of having a panic attack and having others perceive them negatively, then they will, in fact, succeed at this presentation. And, even if they were to have a panic attack, if they let go of how others perceive them, it would not make them feel as bad with themselves since there is no feeling that others have control over them and how they feel about themselves. In other words, their own happiness and feelings about themselves becomes independent of others and thus the anxiety wouldn’t manifest.
I would like to use a few examples from my life that may be able to help you understand it a bit better to start out with. The most recent minor inconvenience in my life wasn’t anything major, which is usually what you want to start with so you understand how it works. But, I ended up catching a cold which is very rare for me. And at the same time, our Internet connection went out in the middle of the night. And, when your life revolves around doing things on the Internet and talking with people and what not, having no access to the Internet is like panic mode. So I called up the cable company and they said it was the router and I will have a new one the following day in the mail. The following day, nothing came in the mail. So the day after, third day without the Internet, I called up again and apparently the person I spoke with the first time never processed the request. So, I had to wait another day for the router to come in. So, four days total without Internet. And when the router came in, same problem, no Internet. So, I called up a third time and the person I spoke with rebooted the entire system in the house, and it worked, and that was all that was needed to have Internet. So technically, we could’ve had it day one if the person I spoke with didn’t screw anything up. And all this happened while I was sick and in bed most of the day and didn’t feel like doing it to begin with.
So, how could this inconvenience possibly be positive? Well, let me ask the question as if it was my first time figuring this out, since I already know the positive outcome.
- Why did this event happen? – I don’t know, but I wish it hadn’t.
- How did it make me feel? – Upset, angry, disappointed, and of course exhausted and tired from being sick.
- Why did I feel that way? – Because it was a lot of stress, especially when I was ill.
- Did I benefit from this event in any way? – Well, I got plenty of rest. I took a break from the computer, YouTube, messages, which was causing me stress. I was sick at the most opportune time, when there was no Internet. Plus, in the process of getting a new, updated router, our wireless Internet speed is now twice as fast.
- Why do I feel that way? – Because I felt I was stressed before and not having access to the Internet eliminated the stress.
- What did I learn? – Because the problem wasn’t solved day one, it allowed me to have four days without the Internet to rest up, relieve the stress of being on the computer, have faster Internet in the future. But most importantly, allowed me to realize just how much I have stressed myself out with the Internet and trying to read and answer every little thing. I was sacrificing my own time, not taking care of myself, and distracted at every little thing. So, this event allowed me to realize that and change my ways so I dedicate more time to myself.
As you can see, how the questions began was that it was negative, I didn’t see any reason for it and didn’t want it. Then by the end, I realized why it happened and what I learned, what I must do to not be so stressed out. As well as the added benefit of faster wireless speeds. So, that is how I saw my experience. It may take you some time to get to that point if your mind is constantly thinking negatively. However, the thing to note is that, for me at least, many times I cannot see the positive until after the event happened, or until there is a moment of clarity in my thinking. It was only until after those four days, or in the middle of them, that I started to realize some of the positive signs of the event.
Other events, well let’s take my childhood trauma. I didn’t have a good childhood. It was terrible. Yes, it’s negative to say that, but it’s true in my mind. But, there are positive things that I have realized that have come of it. Due to my struggles and the hard times I had in the past, I was able to overcome that and be a stronger person in the present to help myself and aid other people into helping themselves as well. If it wasn’t for my past, I would not be here right now. You would not see videos of me, and if you did, they certainly wouldn’t be about this. So, I saw those severely traumatic experiences as chances to learn and grow to be a better, happier person. And all you really need to be happy is just yourself.
By getting in a positive frame of mind to understand and learn from negative memories or emotions, things will be more clear in your life, such as your decisions, emotions, anything else really. Given enough time, you can see the positive of even the most negative situations. And by doing so, you will see the negative as relevant to you and not pass it off or try to escape, deny, or dissociate from it. Let me know how this works for you and what you have learned from negative situations and memories you have had. Thank you so much for watching!