Q&A 8 + Weird Messages (September, 2014 – October, 2014)

Questions and answers (September, 2014 – October, 2014).

—CHAPTERS—
0:10 – Q&A
15:37 – Weird Messages

—QUESTIONS—
0:13 – Do you like graphic design?
0:23 – Why do you feel comfortable sharing this information in such a public place?
1:14 – How would one go about making sure they are properly diagnosed?
1:54 – Do you think psychiatrists lie to patients, and then sell them pills.
3:10 – DID is a mental disorder created by the therapist and patient during therapy.
3:52 – Was there a defining moment in your life that you think may have caused these personalities to emerge?
4:40 – Why do you feel like your alters needed to have such drastic wardrobe and makeup change?
5:30 – Is it possible for an alter to have an alter?
6:21 – is it normal to hear the alters talking/arguing to one another?
7:02 – because I’m hearing them argue, is there anyway to block them out.
7:53 – does unification exist properly?
8:51 – Did you ever worry that your disorders may have been confusing you about your gender identification?
10:27 – Do still need to take estrogen and or other types of hormones?
10:43 – After SRS wouldn’t you have to take some sort of testosterone to balance out your hormones?
11:07 – Will you need to dilate for ever?
11:45 – Do you know how not going through srs would affect sexual function?
12:44 – Having had both male and female reproductive organs, what do they feel like in comparison?

—RELATED VIDEOS—
► False Memories – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKVirKqGjNo
► Subpersonalities – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxCyf20ltUc

Table of Contents

    Hi everyone, I thought I’d answer some more of your questions and read back weird messages. Be sure to check the description to go to specific questions if needed.


    Q&A

    Q: Do you like graphic design?

    A: I think it is quite interesting. Can’t say I’m a pro at it by any means, but I have experimented with Adobe Illustrator.


    Q: Why do you feel comfortable sharing this information in such a public place? Do you believe that you are helping yourself by posting this? Do you believe it’s helping others?

    A: Absolutely. I know for a fact it has helped not only me, but also others. There have been so many people that have said how much I have helped them, and it’s quite amazing to hear that I could have a positive impact on another person. But also, it has helped me because I have changed and grown so much since when I started. Even my psychologist has seen major improvement. Of course there is still a long way to go, but I know I will get there and it’s that belief I have in myself, along with the support from you all, that will get me there.


    Q: How would one go about making sure they are properly diagnosed?

    A: Well, if someone is diagnosed with a disorder, it could potentially be an incorrect diagnosis. And treatment for different conditions is different, even if the disorders have similar symptoms. Regardless of if the diagnosis is proper or not, I don’t think it should be important considering that the primary focus of therapy is not the disorder itself but how the individual is coping with the symptoms. No matter what struggles you have, there is always a way to cope which is what I see as the definition of therapy.


    Q: Do you think psychiatrists lie to patients to convince them that something is wrong with them, and then sell them pills.

    A: I cannot speak for everyone, but yes I do believe this. Of course there are many therapists with positive intentions, but remember, we are all human, and humans can be greedy. I believe psychiatry is a corrupt industry. You visit a therapist one day and are diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety, whatever, and are prescribed medication. It takes a therapist a long time actually to get to know someone, and if there is no extensive conversation or testing done, the diagnosis may not be accurate.

    Then there are false memories. I discussed this more thoroughly in a separate video, so I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description. [False Memories] Therapist can, subconsciously, get you to believe things that never happened. But, they are real to you when you believe them. This is especially dangerous to those with PTSD and/or dissociative disorders since they are already a lot more suggestible.


    Q: What’s your view on people saying that DID is a mental disorder created by the therapist and patient during therapy (unintentionally of course).

    A: I understand that and I agree with it to an extent. For some individuals, this can very well be the case. But, it’s not always unintentional. Therapists can also implant false memories into their patients, again unintentionally or even intentionally, and the patient believes them and accepts them as true. There are certainly people who have trauma and dissociative disorders that have memories of trauma that just didn’t happen. But regardless, it’s real to the sufferer.


    Q: Was there a defining moment in your life, some dramatic event that you think may have caused these personalities to emerge?

    A: I had no idea to be honest. I think much of it is trauma related. That and not being able to be myself when I was a child. The earliest time I remember, only looking back now, was when I would be at a friends house with a group of kids I didn’t know and would behave like a five year old. This lasted for I don’t know how long. But, then I came out of it and had no idea what I did. It was very out of character as I was very shy back then. But, I am aware of it now, many years later.


    Q: Why do you feel like your alters needed to have such drastic wardrobe and makeup change? Do you think it makes them feel more separate? Or maybe it individualizes them?

    And another:
    Q: why do they change cloths and makeup? As son as they gain control do they immediately change cloths?

    A: I’ve been asked questions like this a lot. It’s just personal preference. The makeup or style does not define them by any means. It’s mainly just for individuality. But then again, it’s irrelevant since it’s not about what they look like. One cannot tell from appearance alone. And no, they would not change clothes or makeup since it’s not the determining factor that defines them. It’s not a big deal.


    Q: Is it possible for an alter to have an alter?

    A: Interesting question, seems like a paradox. Well, when you really think about it, an alter of an alter, would be an alter of another alter would it not? The question then is, where is the non-alter? Is there a non-alter, such as in the host, original, or core personality? Or is that an alter of the others? I think when you are dealing with something like this, it’s not necessarily easy to say this one is an alter and another one isn’t. I think that could make it even more confusing for an individual that already has a difficult time since they may question if something they are experiencing is real or not.


    Q: is it normal to hear the alters talking/arguing to one another?

    A: Yes, it is very common actually. As a matter of fact, to a lesser degree it’s normal for anyone to have those inner voices of good, bad, anything else really. They are often referred to as subpersonalities. I have a video dedicated to this that goes into much greater detail so I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description. [Subpersonalities] But, subpersonalities are not the same as DID since DID is more on the severe end of dissociation. Subpersonalities are normal and common for everyone, but the severity of dissociation makes it DID, which is not common.


    Q: because I’m hearing them argue, usually at night, is there anyway to block them out because it has had a tendency of disrupting my sleeping pattern.

    A: Blocking it out would only make it worse since you are trying to force yourself to not deal with what is going on. The opposite needs to be done actually, to let it pass. Letting go and focusing your attention on something else versus those inner voices. Of course this isn’t always the easiest and if the voices in your head get too loud, I personally find ear plugs to be very beneficial. I know that seems a bit weird since the source of the voices are internal, but it works for me. It’s worth a try at least.


    Q: does unification exist properly, because many people claim to have had DID and they’re alters unified, but others say it doesn’t work or only works for an amount of time?

    A: I think it is subjective since one individual may want it, and another not so much. The way I view integration is simply getting to a point where the individual is aware of their altered states and can work in harmony with them, versus destructively. That’s it. It’s not about merging them or getting rid of them. That would result in resistance which would only amplify the problem. However, conflict is always present. Think of it as choice making. Choice ‘A’ or choice ‘B.’ But, when you can lower that dissociation barrier, things get a lot easier.


    Q: How did you come to terms with your gender identification and your schizophrenia and other disorders? Did you ever worry that any of your disorders may have been influencing (or confusing you) about your gender identification? If you had any concerns, how did you work through that to a point where you felt comfortable with your feelings about your gender ID?

    If you didn’t have any concerns about your disorders influencing your gender ID, could you explain what it was that made it clear to you that they were not involved.

    A: Back before I transitioned, I had no idea that what I was experiencing, primarily delusion and paranoia wise, was out of the ordinary. Or rather, I never gave it any thought. I thought I was some weirdo back then, but I never questioned my beliefs since they were real to me. Also, I knew I was a female, but was living as a boy which was not who I was. It was only until after transitioning, and after self awareness and uncovering my traumatic past, when I questioned if I was trans because of the abuse I went through. I thought about it, obsessed over it for a while, then let go of it and determined that it doesn’t matter the reason for me being trans. I am happier now than I have ever been, and that’s all that is important.


    Q: After all this time after your transition do still need to take estrogen and or other types of hormones?

    A: Yes, estrogen is taken for life since your body cannot produce it on its own. After SRS, testosterone sometimes needs to be taken as well.


    Q: After SRS wouldn’t you have to take some sort of testosterone to balance out your hormones?

    A: Usually yes, if it’s too low. I know mine is pretty low, which could be contributing to low energy I experience at times. But, my endocrinologist doesn’t see it as a problem since it’s supposedly at the low end of normal range.


    Q: Will you need to dilate for ever? Or just for a very very long period? How would you know when to stop if so?

    A: It’s a life-long commitment. But, the frequency does lessen. And, if one is sexually active (penetration) then it may not be needed. I’ve heard of people after several years of surgery stopping dilation, and not having any major issues besides width. But, if it ever gets too difficult, just resume dilation. It’s not as bad when you are down to every few days.


    Q: Do you know how not going through srs would affect sexual function? Wouldn’t being on antiandrogens and estrogen for a prolonged period make it nearly impossible to have erections and stimulation?

    A: It varies and is also dependent on age. Many people report not being able to get erections after some time on them, or it becomes painful to get one, as well as very sensitive. Personally, I never had any issues with getting an erection. But also, I had my SRS a year and a half after starting hormones. However, as time went on it would become more painful when it was fully erect. Not only somewhat painful, but also incredibly sensitive. If I was sexually active when I still had a penis, I would not have been able to have intercourse as it would’ve been too sensitive.


    Q: Having had both male and female reproductive organs, what do they feel like in comparison?

    A: Fascinating question. It’s interesting because not many people get to experience what it is like to be both sexes, as well as having the sexual organs of both. I’ll try to be as unbiased as I can, but it’s a little difficult when thinking back to when I had a penis since I didn’t like it and it felt unnatural to me.

    So, when I had a penis it was annoying. Getting spontaneous erections, uncomfortable sitting and lying down. It was a nuisance. Well, it was mostly the testicles that were a nuisance. Also, sexually things were just not great. I hated ejaculation. It is possible for a male to have an orgasm without ejaculation, which I was able to achieve on a few occasions, and that was a lot better. But, ejaculation happens regardless, even at times when sleeping which was annoying and disgusting for me.

    With a vagina, I have a surgically made vagina. And, while it may look and function relatively the same as a female’s natural born vagina, at least it should in terms of sex, it is different when it comes to certain factors such as sensitivity since there are much less nerve endings, meaning it is less sensitive than even the penis I had which is less sensitive than a vagina a female is born with. There is scarring and numbness in areas, I cannot reproduce or get periods since there is no internal organs. There is a lot left out of the experience, and it also comes with a lot of healing time and work to keep it at the correct depth.

    But with the vagina, I do not have those spontaneous erections, and if I were to get aroused in public, there would be no way of knowing. There is no bulge or uncomfortableness when sitting or lying down. But on top of that, I have to dilate which is an ordeal and annoying. But, it’s the body I’ve always wanted.

    I don’t miss my penis, but sexually I think it would be interesting if I could snap my fingers and have a penis one minute and a vagina the next. I think that would just be awesome and I could just change to whatever I am in the mood for.


    Weird Messages

    Weird message time. The first is:
    WM: She must have another personality disorder, to paint her eyes like that, something which makes her look like a ghost….


    WM: plot twist : paint on eyebrows is an indication of personality disorder


    WM: whoever did your eyebrows hates you so much!


    WM: change your makeup and I might watch the video…..maybe you think it looks good…….your friends probably tell you that….then they are not friends


    WM: 1. nice video 2. nice jeff the killer cosplay


    WM: Wow, the bride of Dracula giving mental health advice that is the first, do you volunteer at the local blood bank as well?

    A: I do actually. I love that blood!


    WM: Title should be changed to “fake mental illness feminists shows you how it’s done”


    WM: I will tell you how to check if someone is faking a mental illness: Are they on tumblr? Yes? They are faking a mental illness.

    A: I hear this all the time which is giving me a very negative view of Tumblr. I don’t get it. People have explained it to me and it just doesn’t make sense since if someone is faking a mental disorder, that is a disorder in itself. So, if everyone on Tumblr was faking and didn’t have the disorder they claim, there is still something going on that is causing them to do that.


    WM: Is this a deleted scene from Silent Hill? How did I end up here? What is this shit?


    WM: I just wanted to know how to feed a freaking lizard!!! How the hell did I get here!?!?


    WM: U mean to tel me u have a pee pee?!

    A: Yes, I have a pee pee. Just like you and everyone else. Only thing different about me is that I’ve had both male and female pee pees.


    WM: I sure do like squirrels.

    A: Like this?


    WM: Gossk zzz hmm f2f bmp cdha uhh ege that’s mc mms

    A: Ummmm…looks like someone fell asleep at their keyboard.


    WM: Xxxz.  Gxdc👳🎇9⃣👳➡️ b. Be
    L
    Xbx
    X saw !n
    : £.

    D,🐾🐀.    Knw qq.  Xx. £.   V1″
    2!
    -1) q.  ‘, h xx
    Vs

    G  me😁😁🎈
    B1 w x

    A: I kid you not, this is the actual message. What is this? Did you fall asleep too? Because this looks like more than just falling asleep. There is emoji in there and everything.


    WM: Coming up next on WHY WOULD YOU PUT THAT ON THE INTERNET……….


    WM: Well thats enough internet for today….


    Well thats enough Q&A for today….Why are you still watching when I told you that was it? Thanks for watching!

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    Notes

    My eighth Q&A and weird message video. Some people are still as weird as they always were…and that’s not a bad thing!