Hi everyone, I thought I’d answer some more of your questions and read back weird messages. Be sure to check the description to go to specific questions if needed.
Q: how long does it take you on average to do your makeup?
A: It use to take me a really long time. Like an hour and a half. But, I don’t do it the same anymore and many times just don’t feel like it. So, it can take anywhere from ten minutes to an hour depending on how detailed the look is.
Q: Do you miss school? Like the teaching and the classes?
A: Can’t say I really do to be honest. I like learning my own things and that’s exactly what I’m doing now.
Q: What kind of exercise/s do you prefer?
A: I enjoy dancing, all by myself in secret so no one sees. As well as stretching. I would love to do yoga, but there really is no space for me to go about it. Furthermore, I would love a room in the house dedicated to exercise equipment. Upper body strength specifically since I have problems due to the amount of time I spend on the computer. But unfortunately, there is no space in the house, and no room that can fit equipment.
Q: Do you drive?
A: I can drive, yes. However, the only place I really drive is to my psychologist. That’s really the only time I leave the house as well. And lately, the ride back home has been quite difficult for me since I’ve been talking about some very traumatic things that are very triggering to me and I kinda lose myself in it and don’t really feel like I am in control of myself when I drive.
Q: Considering your seclusion, do you ever get ill? (Cold, flu, stomach bugs etc)
A: I haven’t been sick in a very long time. I would always be the last to get a cold. But now, my immune system is excellent since I eat healthy and haven’t been sick in years.
Q: how long in general does it takes you to make a video like this one for example, because of your perfectionist trait you told once about?
A: A long time. Doing YouTube is an all day, everyday commitment. Not just doing the videos, but also the correspondence, comments, messages, all sorts of things. I am always thinking about and working on YouTube since YouTube is my life now. And, I think anyone who makes videos regularly would agree that it is quite tiresome and are always busy with it.
There are multiple phases that going into every video. The first phase is to decide on a topic. I have tons of ideas written down so I go through the list and decide on one that I am in the mood to do or can do. Then, comes the time to write the script. Essentially this is like writing a paper for class each week. It’s multiple pages of detailed information. The script usually takes several days depending on the content.
A majority of the information in my videos is based off my own knowledge and views on life, as well as my experience and learning from other people’s experience. So, only a small portion is actually based off research and documentation. I don’t find those resources as helpful as actual accounts of the experiences, including my own and my perception of it. So essentially, while I do research for the videos, it’s not where the majority of the info comes from.
So, after I have the script. I re-read it and fix or add things where necessary. Then I set a date to record. Sometimes videos are recorded weeks, even a month, before the release date. Sometimes I record multiple videos a day. The recording process is quite tedious and is my least favorite part. I hate it. Have to make sure everything is all working perfectly. The camera, the microphone, the way I am positioned. I get very anxious when recording and by the end I am sweating profusely which is why I like to wear my hair back to keep it from separating when I get very sweaty. And, I’m also just constantly getting it out of my face as well. A 12 minute video could take about 16 to 18 minutes to actually record.
After I am done recording, I edit which is actually my favorite part of the process. While I edit I have the video editor and script side by side and follow it so if I said anything differently in the video, I correct that in the script so it is accurate with what I actually said. When I am done editing, I recheck my text in the video to make sure it is accurate and spelled correctly. Which unfortunately, some mistakes I don’t realize until after the video has been published, and I cannot fix after it’s been published. I render it out which takes some time. After I’m done with that, I edit the thumbnail and finish any miscellaneous info about the video.
Then, I import the video into my captioning software along with the script. This takes some time to go through and make sure the timings and positions for the closed captions are correct and what not. This is also where I re-check my work for the final time. So, the video is all done, including captions, several days, or even a week, before it gets released on YouTube.
I always upload my videos a whole day before publishing them. This gives YouTube enough time to encode the video into the various formats, which it rarely fails, but it can happen. Then, I publish the video the following day after uploading it. I share it to Google+ and Facebook which are the only two sites I have a profile on. Then I look at feedback and repeat the process all over again with the next video.
So, a lot of work goes into it. My Q&A videos are the most tedious due to the amount of text I use in the video which is copied directly as the person asked, or worded it. They’re my least favorite videos to edit, but they tend to be one of the most liked by my viewers.
Q: how do you make an income to live
A: I do not make an income for myself. Or rather, cannot support myself with the income I do have. I would love to be able to one day, but even if I could financially support myself, I think other factors are preventing me from living alone like I would like.
However, all my income comes from various sources online, all ad revenue. This YouTube channel is actually where I make the most income. I did a video all about this, “Making Money on YouTube,” so if you are interested I’ll have an annotation and a link in the description. [Making Money on YouTube] It’s based on advertisements. Advertisements are placed on my videos where advertisers promote their products or services and I share that revenue with YouTube. When the ads don’t show or the person blocks the ads, there is no money because it wasn’t a monetized playback. Ads help pay for many online websites since the website and content is free. So, they rely on ad revenue, just as I do, to make an income.
Q: what (if any) psychologists have inspired you? Maybe Jung?
A: I don’t study any in particular, but I’m finding that more and more information I am learning about is from Carl Jung which is fascinating.
Q: do you believe that immersion therapy, where an individual is put face to face with their phobia is an effective way of adapting and overcoming their fears? Obviously with your (presumed) social anxieties creating a youtube channel is a way to cope, do you think that this has increased your threshold for stress induced by social situations?
A: Yes, I do believe in this, but it has to be done carefully. As with me, this is true. I forced myself to get out of isolation. I put myself in a position where the entire world had the potential of watching me. It was terrifying, but I kept at it and forced myself since I knew it would get easier, and it has. The only way I could possibly overcome any fear of anxiety or social situations, was to, in fact, be in a social situation. For me, the only method I could do was to enter into the public privately. Which essentially means recording videos privately, but releasing them publicly. I know that is the key to me overcoming the problem. And, it’s the same as traumatic memories. The only way to overcome them, is to face them head on. Which is also what I am doing as well.
Q: do u have trouble communicating with people on the internet? or is it nly in social situations?
A: No problem at all online, because it’s not face to face. But in person, I have a way harder time. This is why it’s been easy for me to talk about my traumatic past online compared to discussing it in person with my therapist. If I could’ve never been opened online, I could’ve never discuss the problems with my therapist.
Q: Do you feel sometimes your decision to be isolated has anything at all to do with not wanting to take on responsibility for others?
A: Yes, I think some of my isolation is due to not wanting to involve myself in the affairs of others. I do not like responsibility, unless I make it.
Q: Can a person with BPD and severe depression have Bi polar as well?
A: There is a lot of overlap there. Borderline, major depression, and bipolar are all mood related disorders. While it may be possible, it could possibly be just one disorder at play. Probably borderline or bipolar since major depression could fall under either category.
Q: Can a person have autism or Aspergers and DID as well?
A: Yes, I’m sure it’s possible. A comorbid diagnosis of DID and other disorders is actually quite common. I don’t know how many people with DID also have autism. But, I’m sure it can happen.
Q: does having DID help deal with lonely feelings? Can your other personalities be like a friend to talk to?
Q: Do you find that talking out loud to you alters or own thoughts make it so you don’t feel the need to be social with other people?
A: I guess it depends on the individual and how well they get along with the various sides of themselves. There is, many times, going to be personalities that cause conflict in the person’s life. But, there are also ones that can help in desperate and depressing situations. I know for me personally, I am always having conversations in my head, both negative and positive. But, realizing that they are not real people to talk with, just in my mind, then that’s depressing to be honest.
Q: Do you think that transitioning improved your mental health a lot?
A: Yes and no. The effects of estrogen made me very moody early on and I could not control it. I always was moody, but the hormones made it even more so. But, transitioning gave me the confidence and ability to learn to love and accept myself and see my achievements, where I couldn’t before. Transitioning allowed me to discover who I really was, learning about my past, talking about my past, and most important of all, get help and overcome the issues I face that interfere with my life. I could’ve never been able to be who I was or address what I really was struggling with if it wasn’t for being able to love and accept myself, which is what transitioning did.
Q: Do you think you can trick yourself into thinking your transgender?
A: Well, one possibility I can think of if you have a delusional or psychotic disorder. You have a delusion you are trans because of the disorder, but it’s not real. But, there is really no way of knowing it isn’t real since it seems real to you.
Q: What’s your favorite feminine piece of clothing to wear? Like a dress or skirt or jeans?
A: I don’t really wear jeans. I have one pair of black jeans. I like dresses but it’s usually too hot to wear them. There is a very limited time window for me to actually wear them. However, I enjoy skirts. My two favorites are this one with the buckle. As well as this long skirt that has a slit up the side. Those are my two favorite, and the only ones I really own.
Weird message time. The first is:
WM: How to tell if someone is faking eyebrows
A: It’s quite easily actually, just…There we go. And the other one. Problem solved.
WM: Her eyebrow at the start of the video look digitally applied
A: I’m glad someone finally recognized my hard work. I go through each frame of the video and put these eyebrows on. See these? They don’t actually exist. I use computer software to generate them.
WM: Can you please not wear that much makeup? You risk giving me, along with everyone else, nightmares.
WM: Lady your eyebrows are borderline.
WM: you have so much potential to be pretty
A: Who needs potential when they already are pretty?
WM: “The Hypocrite’s Guide to Mental Illness” starring “Satanic clown girl”
A: Great idea for a book. I’ll be right on it.
WM: Stoned as they come; look at them eyes.
A: Stewed. Baked. Fried. Grilled.
WM: my gaydar detection is going off the scale this is a tranny listen to the deep voice
A: Goes to show you don’t know the difference. Being gay and trans has nothing to do with one another.
WM: Is this a man, or is this person deaf?
A: What is the correlation?
WM: If I wanted to watch Reddit TrollX Tumblr the movie, I’d watch a new age pseudo feminist campaign.
WM: D: stap it. Jus stap it.
A: Stap it. Oh, jus…jus stap it. Jus stap it. Stap it.
So, that’s all for now. [Stap it.] Thanks for watching!
🎤 Stop it. 🎤
Jus stap it.
Hi! You know, I just have to ask you to stop it. You know? Just…just stop it. Just stop it! Yeah! Just…Stop it.
> Oh, jus stap it.
>> Jus stap it.
> Jus stap it.
>> Jus stap it.
> Oh gosh.
>> Oh gosh.
> Jus stap it.
🐈 Stop it. 🐈
If only…If only it could be stopped. If only it could be stopped. If only we could jus stap it.
Hey, you know. We gotta stop this right now. We gotta stop this right now. We gotta stop this. We gotta stop this. And, we gotta stop this. And, we jus gotta stap it. Oh gosh yes. Oh stop it please. Oh stop it.
So, before this gets too annoying, which it already is way too annoying, I’m just gonna stop it. Or rather, stap it. See ya!