One year ago today, on July 13th, 2013, my very first YouTube video went live. [Hi everyone, my name is Autumn and welcome to my channel.] I was so incredibly nervous and never thought anyone would watch. The video was uploaded late at night before I went to bed and I was terrified. I had nightmares and kept waking up. But, when I checked in the morning, my video had about 10 views and I had one subscriber. I was scared of getting any more views or subscribers. I truly thought people would dislike my content, say hateful, nasty things to me.
But, that is not what happened at all. Everyone that has watched my videos, supported me, said positive things, and also those that I have managed to help, I am so thankful for. [Thank you so much!] I could’ve never been anything without all of you and you don’t know just how much all that means to me. [You all have completely changed my life.] You have made such a wonderful impact on my life and I just can’t thank you enough. [I would like to thank all you wonderful people.]
When I look back at how I was prior to making the videos, and during the first several months of the videos, [It’s not that I don’t want them, because I truly do, it’s just that I don’t want to be hurt.] I was so different than I am now. My experience on YouTube has allowed me to learn so much about myself by sharing my experiences. It has been very therapeutic for me. I never thought I could discuss my traumatic past, but I managed to do it. [Ever since I was a child I was severely abused.] I am finally, after a year and a half of therapy, getting these and many other things from my past that I didn’t discuss online, discussed with my psychologist so I can handle the situations better.
But, on top of that, I learned so much about the various topics I discuss and it’s something that fascinates me. I’ve learned many new coping mechanism and have applied them to my life and it has tremendously improved the quality of my life. I have learned from you all as well. All of you that has commented or sent private messages and shared your experiences, that has helped me so much as well. We are a community that helps and grows from one another. Which is what I envisioned from the very beginning. [I don’t just see you all as subscribers or fans. To me, you are all friends.]
I started making videos for a variety of reasons. To express myself and my struggles and experiences in life. A coping mechanism for myself, so I can move beyond my past and things that trouble me each and every day, so I can live my life. [I mean, it doesn’t matter how many times someone says, "I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to deceive you. I’m going to continue communicating with you.” You know, why should I believe that if people in the past have said that so many times as well and then they end up lying to me and not talking to me anymore?]
And, after watching so many people online that would discuss their experiences and I could relate to, I knew of so many ways I could help them. I knew I had a natural ability to help people, so I wanted to make informative videos to aid people in recovery, while at the same time, heal myself. And, this was even more successful than I imagined. And, I truly cannot put into words how thankful I am at the change you have brought to my life.
There have been so many changes being on YouTube. Not just changes in my life, but many other people’s lives as well. Many people have told me that I have helped them when they are in a bad place or depressed, even saying that I have prevented them from committing suicide. And, there is nothing that makes me happier than knowing that I have helped so many people through these rough times. Because you have returned the favor as well. [I[I will fight through this because I know my life will get better as things progress.]p>
I received so many wonderful messages from you all and I dedicate time each morning and evening to reply to practically all of them. And, that is something that is very important to me. I’m very sorry if you sent me a message and I never got back to you. But, know that I value any and all messages and thank you for sharing your life with me.
Regarding what I have planned for the future of this channel. Well, I plan on continuing just the same as I have been doing. I still have over 30 videos in mind, which is pretty much the same number I had planned from the very beginning. New topics come to mind, I expanded upon certain topics, so many things. Whenever you do suggest a topic, I keep note of it. So, please feel free to let me know any ideas or suggestions. I cannot guarantee that I can get around to all of them, but I try my best.
I also plan on adding closed captions to all my videos. I already have scripts for all but two, so it shouldn’t be that difficult. But, still quite time consuming. Yes, I’m creating even more work for myself because staying busy has helped me.
I still have plans to do a live stream at some point. Don’t know when it will happen, but it’s something I would like to try out. I would like to do more makeup tutorials, if I get around to it. But, I have, not necessarily lost interest in makeup, but just gotten lazy with it, and many other things for that matter which I am trying to get motivated so I can accomplish the many, many tasks I have started but never finished.
So, that is my first year of YouTube. It has completely changed my life. You all have completely changed my life. There is still a lot I am going through, but I am working so hard at having the life I envisioned. And, I honestly cannot thank you enough for the support and positive change you have brought to my life. Thank you!
[A[All of that really means a lot, it really does.]p>
[I[I think some of the strongest people are those that have suffered greatly.]p>
[I[I hated myself so much, whenever I would look in the mirror I would see an ugly disgusting slob.]p>
[I[I didn’t see any future for me at all. There was no future.]p>
[E[Everything feels right to me now. To finally have both my body and mind synchronized.]p>
[E[Everyone deserves to be accepted and loved no matter how different they are, or how rude or inconsiderate they are. Everyone deserves respect.]p>
[G[Go out and accomplish your dreams, whatever they are, and finally be who you were always meant to be.]p>
[H[Happy, confident, and successful.]p>
[A[And, you can be that person if you try.]p>
[Y[You are a strong person and don’t let anyone, especially those saying you are wrong, trying to get you down, criticizing you, say otherwise.]p>
[A[And, hopefully my videos will be informative and helpful in someway. Thanks for watching!]p>
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