Hi everyone, I thought I’d answer some more of your questions and read back weird messages. Be sure to check the description to go to specific questions if needed.
Q: Do you speak other languages ?
A: Not currently, but I would love to learn Japanese, Persian, and Danish.
Q: What is a normal day like for you? Routines?
A: Well, I have a pretty strict schedule that I must keep. It’s not good to deviate from it. I usually wake up around 8:00 or 9:00am. I eat breakfast, which is always cereal. While eating I go on YouTube and read the comments from the night before, then reply to private messages. I don’t know the exact time frame I am doing this, but probably 30 minutes to an hour.
After that, every other day I have to dilate so I do that on the days I’m scheduled to do so. This takes an hour and a half. After that, it’s practically almost time for lunch so I prepare something. I eat at noon and I do not like to eat later.
Usually about 12:45 or 1:00pm is when I am completely done and I do a meditation / hypnosis session which usually takes a half hour to an hour. This is a crucial part of my day. I can do guided meditation, hypnosis recordings, audio frequencies. I switch it up. Though, I prefer guided since I tend to fall asleep too often unfortunately. When I am done this it is usually around 2:00 or 2:30pm and I like to exercise for 20 minutes.
Then, I can finally get to work. I work on video scripts, editing, whatever I’m currently doing. I’ll admit, I can get distracted quite easily. I eat dinner at 5:00pm so I need time to prepare that. After dinner which is usually around 6:00pm, I will take a shower if I dilated that day. Otherwise, no, I don’t. I only take a shower every other day. After that, I log back on YouTube, read comments, and dedicate another 30 minutes to an hour of replying to private messages.
Then I can work some more on videos until about 10:00 or 11:00pm which I usually am done for the day and watch some TV, depending on the shows I watch. Then usually right before bed I’ll do another meditation session. Then I usually fall asleep right after that which is usually around 1:00am, or a little later. Then I repeat the process the following day. So, I really don’t have much actual free time since I am always busy. I don’t get bored since I am always active doing something. And, I think that has been really helpful to me actually.
YouTube has kept me very busy and active. And, I really enjoy dedicating time each day to reply to people’s messages. That is a very positive part of my day. Though, the one thing that upsets me now is that YouTube has changed it’s message system over to Google+ private posts, which are not messages at all, and it makes it more difficult for me to communicate. So, I’m very upset and disappointed with that. And, I apologize if I cannot keep up or reply to everyone’s message.
Q: have any of your old classmates found your channel and written to you?
A: Not yet! That would be quite interesting. The only way they could tell is if they saw my videos where I show myself as a male, and that is not many. So, I’ll keep waiting.
Q: what type of person would you consider dating?
A: Well, I’ve never been in a relationship. And, I don’t feel like there is anyone that I would consider dating. I don’t feel as though that person exists. I’ve never met anyone that I felt a connect with. There have been some people that have been close, but it’s always the same thing where I would find out something about them and it would disqualify them as being a potential partner. I am very strict with what I would want and am looking for and I am not going to settle for anything less.
With that being said, I like femininity, so besides the obvious of openness, honesty, supportive, perhaps someone that is healthy, exercises and eats right, enough energy to keep up with me when I have tons of energy, but also can calm me down when I get out of hand. Someone that is quirky and weird, but not neglectful, and can handle when I become neglectful of myself or them. Who has an understanding and knows how to deal with me when I start acting a bit weird. Adventurous, likes to try new things. And a very spiritual individual, that I could really learn a lot from. Someone that I could connect with on every level possible.
Q: Since you don’t like crowds what are your shopping habits like?
A: I haven’t gotten any clothing in a long time. I’ve never gone out clothes shopping by myself. I’m always with my grandmother. And, that doesn’t happen very often.
Q: If you could choose, would you rather be blind or deaf? And why?
A: Blind. I could never go without music!
Q: Do you watch a lot of youtube videos, if so, what do you watch (who are you subscribed to)?
A: I do watch YouTube videos, but am not subscribed to anyone. I don’t know…it’s strange. If I were to subscribe, I would create a new account with nothing on it to subscribe, but I just manually go to the channels I watch. There is a variety of things so too many to list. Also, I don’t ever comment on other videos. I don’t know. It’s just, weird what I do. I’d rather leave a private comment or have a private conversation with the person about the video.
Q: Have you ever had paranormal experiences or do you believe in the paranormal?
A: Yes, I have had what people could consider paranormal. Though, I do not believe there is anything paranormal in the universe, just our limited capability of understanding the world around us.
Q: did you have any problems with spelling, grammer, math and remembering things?
A: I love math above all else. Spelling and grammar I use to have a hard time with since I hated writing, and now it’s like I’m like a pro at it. Remembering things, mostly short term, is where I have the most difficulty now. I could be talking face to face with someone and then like, “What did we just talk about?” Because, I’m there responding to them like I’m listening, but I’m off somewhere else in my mind and getting distracted.
Q: Did you ever have experiences with drugs and alcohol?
A: I do not believe in drugs or alcohol. Honestly, it creeps me out seeing people do it or talk about. It just makes me sick. I refuse to be around it. I don’t see what is so great about putting toxins in your body that damage your brain number one, then mess up your body.
I’ve had this mindset for as long as I can remember and I said to myself that I would never do anything like that. But, when I was 16 or 17, I was just not myself. And, this is something that is very difficult for me to talk about. One day, I did end up with some alcohol. It was in the house and I just took it, by myself. I started with very little diluted with some juice, couldn’t even taste it. And, after a few minutes I got a headache, like a small hangover, and that lasted for a few seconds. From that moment I feel as though so much was taken from me. Things were different after that in my mind. I just couldn’t sense things as well as I could prior to doing it. And, I wish I never did it since I would increase the amount I drank every time, and I don’t know how many times I did it.
And one time, I even combined a bunch of herbs and spices from the cabinet and tried to smoke that for some reason. It wasn’t very successful and I don’t know what I took. But, it could’ve really done some damage like other things I ingested that were not drug related. But, it was all an escape from my miserable life at the time. It just wasn’t me. I don’t know who that person was that went against so many of my own rules. But, it was a very low point in my life that drove me into doing those things that were against my character. I wish it never happened.
Q: Do you think that some of your mental health “issues”, if you will, stem from a victim complex?
A: As in persecutory delusions? Thinking that I am the victim and people are out to do me harm? That’s definitely been a strong belief. But, I don’t let it control me any longer. Not sure if I quite understand the question, but yes, I have felt most of my life like I have an inferiority complex in addition to being the victim.
Q: before you got gender counseling and/or transitioned, were you able to tell depression due to mental health issues apart from depression due to gender dysphoria?
A: No, because all my depression was due to not being able to be female, so I contributed it to that. Back then, I never questioned my paranoid behavior like people spying on me, putting black constructions paper on my window and closing my door every chance I got was because I always felt watched. That’s just how I thought I was, it was natural. But looking back, I realize most of it was self-hatred I had towards myself.
Q: What was the first item of female clothing you ever bough?
A: I don’t remember actually. When I started dressing feminine, I started with androgynous clothing to ease my way into it. So, what I wore was more on the female side, but not entirely feminine.
Q: Regarding feminization, how important do you consider female mannerisms such as walking, sitting and posture in general?
A: It’s only as important as you make it. If you think it’s important to you, then work at those things. For passability, this could be very important if you want to pass because everything about you could be feminine, including your voice, but your mannerisms may give it away.
Q: What in your opinion would be the oldest a person should consider going through transition
A: I don’t think it is ever too late to transition, especially if it brings a person happiness.
Q: Did you ever second guess your decision? If so, how’d you get through it? [SRS]
A: Can’t say I regret anything. But, nothing can prepare someone for SRS. It is very difficult. Even after a year, things are not back to normal. I DO miss having no dilation schedule and not worrying about healing or having pain, or that granulation tissue. But, one day things will be much better, and they certainly are better now than they were during the first year of recovery.
Q: Before your SRS, did you have a small penis? I mean, was it average size, was it reeeeally small or was it just small-er?
A: Quite a personal question but I’ll answer. No, it was not small. It was about average or on the upper average range. Yes, I’m bragging about my phantom penis.
Q: Do you have any surgeries left to undergo?
A: No, I don’t think I want any additional surgeries. People have thought I’ve had facial feminization surgery. No. The only surgeries I’ve had are sex reassignment surgery, and reduction of the adam’s apple. Future surgeries, maybe only the brow bone since I don’t like that and still see it as male, but that’s about it, and that’s not a necessity.
Onto the weird messages. People have definitely stepped up their weirdness factor since last time we checked.
The first is:
WM: are you a vampyre?
A: Yes! Yes I am.
WM: your eyes shall be mine
WM: BURN IN HELL EMO SCUM
WM: her eyebrows are giving me bipolar
WM: What’s up with your makeup disorder?
WM: Is wearingk soo much make-up very thic part of one of these personaIity disorder??
WM: Your make-up reminds me of a party clown.
WM: Uh, are you a clown, or did your eyeliner blow up?
WM: You are scary. Does anyone else think she looks like a clown, I mean, I like clownsc:
WM: Why are you dressed like a clown?
WM: Goth clown.
A: So, now the obsession is with clowns. Gosh, what is the obsession with clowns!
WM: How much LSD have you done in your life time?
WM: i wonder if she’s on heroin?
WM: result after of overdosing on acid..
A: Ok, what is up with the drug jokes too? Is this popular now? Come on.
WM: I’ve never been more turned off in my life.
WM: This killed my boner.
A: Rest in flaccidity boner.
WM: ARE YOU READY FOR A SATANIC TRANSGENDER SOCIETY? God made this person a male- however he had his genitals removed and thinks he is a female. Does God make mistakes? NO- NEVER. This is demonic oppression – demons have taken over this person’s will.
WM: Michael?……..Michael Jackson, is that you?
A: Why do people keep comparing me to Michael Jackson? I’ve heard this a lot, and it’s mostly people trying to insult me. So, I’ll take this as a compliment. Thanks!
WM: Does one of your personalities like anal?
A: And get this, this comment was posted by Jack Mehoff.
WM: I wanna bang all of your personalities.
WM: fake and gay i can see the pixels this is photoshopped.
A: So…my video is Photoshopped?! Speaking of which, I now know you can do video editing in Photoshop which is interesting. You taught me something I never knew about.
WM: I can clearly see this is fake, your basically saying each time you change personalities you magically change clothes too. Magic.
The next one is a sample of multiple comments from one user.
WM: DID is only created between the ages of 2 and 4 exclusively through sodomy.
There is a nerve at the base of the spine. A type of gland which purpose is unknown. When the gland is harmed through sodomy it sends blinding white light to the brain of the victim.
Other personality can be created simply from electroshock and non sexual torture.
Drownings and revival is another way to produce DID..
THis person is no doubt sick. But in my very experienced opinion with working on DID patients, she does not have DID.
A: Oh my gosh! No. No, that is not the only way DID can form. Seriously? Are you serious? I apologize if you really believe this and I am being offensive, but seriously? Are you serious? That is not the only ways DID can occur. Gland at the base of the spine? Blinding white light? What? And, you’re an expert. Not sure if this was a joke or it was being serious.
WM: This is exactly why Hitler should have won.
WM: I like your videos and your tits autism asphodel ;00)
A: Autism Asphodel?!?! Nice one. Shoulda said Au-TITS-m Asphodel.
A: Is that it? Z?
WM: You’re like the embodiment of Tumblr.
WM: Is this what tumblr looks like?
WM: Liberalism + Feminism + tumblr + political correctness = this video
A: Wait, what? What does all that even mean? Tumblr? Tumblr is a blogging website right? That makes no sense. I don’t talk about Tumblr, I don’t use Tumblr, I don’t know anything about Tumblr, yet apparently I am the embodiment of a blogging website. Yeah, that makes sense?
WM: I can’t help but think how all her problems could be solved with one boyfriend. Here is what you do.
Take one week off of everything. Unplug. Skip the rent worries. Skip the job worries. Skip worrying about everybody else. Skip the phone, tv and the internet.
Just spend a week off and the two of you fuck your brains out all day and night. Rent a hotel if you have to. Cheap one is all that is needed.
Eat together. Bathe together. Shit together. Wipe each others ass.
Make it a life time memory.
A: OH MY GOSH!!! Are you serious? Are you serious?
So, that is all for now. Thanks for watching!