Hi everyone! This video is going to be about bullying. Why do people bully and what you can do about it. I’m sure all of us have been bullied before, as well as being the bully. There are all various forms and degrees of bullying. We’ve all made fun of someone behind their back, without them knowing. We’ve all been judgmental and ignorant before. That is human nature. But, some of us are much more insensitive when it comes to the feelings of another individual.
People can be discriminated against and bullied for so many reasons. It’s literally for any reason. Anything you could imagine, someone could be made fun of about. It is never ok to make fun of someone. Not if they are different, or have a mental disorder, or if are gay, or anything else. It is never ok to do that.
One needs to learn to imagine what it would be like to live as that person. Think about what it would be like to be them and made fun of for trying to be yourself. This is why many people have a difficult time and fear expressing who they really are. Because they fear criticism from others, because they know people would make fun of them. They think they are weak because they are different. But, that is just not the case.
From personal experience, I’ve been bullied my entire life. I did talk about my middle and high school bullying in a video about my past if you are interested. [My Past] But, all the abuse I endured is what made me retreat from everyone for several years after high school. I felt so low in my life, hated myself, hated being transgender and in the wrong body. Then when I started this YouTube channel in July of 2013, I never anticipated the type of hatred I would soon get from people.
I am verbally harassed, threatened, on a daily basis, multiple times a day. I don’t like for it to get to me, but it does. It leads to a lot of negative emotions. And at times I will spend hours of time obsessing over it that I don’t even know where the time goes. Hours go by and I don’t know why I was doing that.
Some people have gone as far as to subscribe to me. They would comment on several videos, take their anger out on me, pointing out how flawed I am. Yet, not a single one of them would ever dare to say it to my face. Though, what I find ironic with some people that think I am an attention seeker is if they truly thought I was seeking attention, why watch, comment, and even share my video to external sites? Why spend even a single minute of your time watching what you think is an attention seeker? Do you realize that gives me even more attention? Don’t you think that’s a bit contradictory? If they thought I was seeking attention, why not just avoid it and leave it alone, why provoke it and make it gain even more attention? So see, these people don’t make any sense. These types of people are the ones that want attention not from express facts about themselves, but from making fun of someone else. They are hypocritical.
Now, I don’t like to delete any comments on my videos. I believe everyone has the right to express whatever they want. However, I have broken this rule for several comments before that would be at the top, would get so much attention and replies, people ganging up on me, talking about me like I wasn’t even there and wasn’t reading what they had to say. But, I was reading it all and would get so deeply hurt by it.
And, it would get so bad to the point where I would get so depressed, hurt myself, contemplate and attempt suicide, and would lose complete control of myself and my thoughts and actions. Not even knowing what I was doing. It literally felt like those people who affected me so badly took over my mind and body and I would not even be aware of what I did until I hurt myself and then there I was with a knife in my hand not knowing what just happened. Then having a complete breakdown.
The power of words alone can really affect someone so always thinking before jumping to conclusions and writing someone a hateful, nasty message or talking about them like they don’t even matter. Because words are powerful enough to make someone commit suicide.
Why Do People Bully?
Why do people bully others? Well, it’s actually quite simple. They judge and hate you because they are the ones that are truly struggling. They criticize, yet they fear criticism themselves. They think they are always right and are not open to new ideas. Many times they don’t like to explain their reasoning. They have one opinion and are not open to anything else. They ignore mostly anyone else that disagrees with them. In other words, they cannot accept being wrong.
It’s people who are struggling so much with their own problems that their defensive mechanism is to take it out on someone else. To compensate for feeling so low and unworthy. They don’t even want to look or think about their own lives. They can be in denial about their own lives. Instead, they turn to someone they see as an easy target. They pray on, what they think, are the weak minded individuals. People, who they think, are vulnerable and have low self-worth and esteem. When it is actually them that has the problem. They could also pick on someone who is happy, or well liked, or whatever, and point out every one of their flaws. Perhaps envy or jealousy is also a part of it. So many factors can go into this.
They could also act like you are invisible and will talk about you, but not to you. They have nothing better to do with their time than to spend it hating on someone. Instead of focusing that energy bettering themselves and being a person that can be accepting of others, and help others, they instead project that negative energy onto others to make themselves feel better, a bit of a morale boost. But, while it may make them feel better in the short-term, it’s actually making their problems even deeper.
When it comes to cyber-bullying, primarily people you don’t know, it’s easy to be anonymous online. [Cyberbullying] Many cyber-bullies are. People with no pictures, videos, no nothing. Some don’t even go by a proper name or have any accurate info about them. So, this too should confirm that people who are like this and are harassing others online, bullying them, don’t even have the confidence to show themselves while doing it.
What all this means is that bullying is compensation and a coping mechanism for how low these people feel about what they are lacking in themselves. They pass on how they are treated or how they feel. If, for example, they are being abused at home, they may go to school and be the abuser to someone so they feel superior. So they can take out their repressed emotions from home out on their victim so the victim knows what it’s like for them. It may seem like they are covering it up well, but it’s actually a hallmark trait of a bully.
Another example is that they could be repressing part of themselves and are in denial about it. For instance, someone hating on a gay or transgender person may in fact be in denial about being gay or even transgender themselves. This is another hallmark trait of a bully. They are actually quite predictable. But, what can we do about bullies? I’ll discuss that now.
What Can You Do About It?
An abuser wants attention, they want a response. Not necessarily always from you, but for people to be on their side. They may also enjoy being provoked and starting fights. So then, the number one thing is that bullies should be ignored at all costs. Do not provoke them since that is what they want. They want to get people on their side, to approve of what they do, and to gang up on someone, so they can hate on them and take their anger out. Or they could also enjoy seeing other people get worked up over what they say. That is how they get out their issues of low self-worth and esteem. To take it out on someone else, most likely someone that seems vulnerable and insecure, and to see them suffer. They pride themselves in this because it makes them feel good about themselves.
Instead of giving them the attention and response they want, it’s about positivity. Making them feel good with themselves and accepting and loving who they are. Showing them that they are worthy and not as low as they think. In other words, they need to be shown compassion and that they are cared about because they may feel unloved and angry with themselves and the world for hurting them. Maybe when they realize they are accepted and cared about, they will see that there is no reason to take out their negative energy on others.
But, many times this is not an easy task since you may want the person to know how badly they hurt you. You want them to feel the pain they brought to you. You may want to fight them and get revenge for what they did. When you are repeatedly abused and made fun of, you thinking becomes distorted. You can constantly think about suicide, escaping from all the pain, perhaps a mental escape by sleeping, dissociating, there are many ways. Or, it could drive you to the point where you get very violent, you take your anger out on someone else, or even fantasize about getting revenge on them, harming them, even killing them, whatever else.
I have personally experienced both of these. Wanting to escape from the pain by ending it all or just dissociating from the experiences. As well as fantasizing about revenge and murder. These things are obviously not right to carry out, but if they help you by imagining them in your mind only, and they do not lead to you actually going through with it, then it can offer some escape. It is very normal to feel these things because these people drove you to feeling this way.
That is what you have to understand. You are picking up on their negativity. They are practically handing over their negativity and hatred towards themselves to you. You are now burdened by it and need to find a way to constructively release it without hurting yourself or anyone else. By getting revenge or returning the abuse they did to you, you are further adding to their suffering and are mimicking their behavior. You then become the abuser.
Instead, finding inner peace is a great way. Spreading positivity around, offering to help those in need, eliminating suffering. This is what being alive is all about. It is something that has help me tremendously with myself. I still struggle greatly, especially with abuse and negativity, but it’s the positive I project, the people that look up to me, as well as all the people that have said I have helped them that has made the biggest change in my life.
Of course, when I am feeling down due to the hatred that is thrown at me, I don’t always think about the positive since it’s generally difficult to see it as legitimate. But, when I do come back to my self and realize that focusing on the negative, giving it even the slightest bit of attention, is irrelevant, then I see the situation as personal growth so I become stronger and more positive to help those in need that cannot always stand up for themselves.
So, in the end I believe in love and acceptance of everyone, no matter how ‘bad’ of a person they are. Love and acceptance is the key. Our lives are about loving and accepting others for who they are. Eliminating the abuse and suffering in the world, by not repeating abuse that is done to us, but so we can all get along in harmony.
I wish for a day where we could all get along and not hate on one another. That we could not judge others so harshly. Acceptance of everyone, no matter how different they are. And I can only hope more and more people can realize this because that is the only way we can positively change the world.
So, I hope this video was helpful. Thanks for watching!