If you have a fear of abandonment, you understand how difficult it is to trust people. But why do you struggle and how do you remedy this fear?

Hey everyone, welcome back. It’s so nice to see you all. For those of you who are new, my name is Autumn Asphodel and I am a coach dedicated to personal growth and success. Today I am going to share why you have a fear of abandonment and how to remedy it. Share this crucial information with your family and friends who also struggle or who you want to understand you better.

Portrait, Light, Treasures

When you struggle with the fear of abandonment, you often do not trust people, question their motives and legitimacy. You may not even trust your own family or friends, if you even allow yourself to have people close enough to call friends. The fear of abandonment comes in many forms. But, if you struggle with this problem, you understand the struggle, but may not necessarily know the cause.

What Causes the Fear of Abandonment?

The number one cause of the fear of abandonment is childhood trauma and abuse. What happens during childhood, sticks with you into adulthood. If those wounds from the past are not addressed, they will manifest in your reality continuously until you have overcome them.

Image of sad boy,cage or prison with no freedom concept

Another source that causes the fear of abandonment is lack of attention during childhood. A child who doesn’t get enough attention may need to go out of their way to please their parents. This may be due to competition between siblings, where one feels they are being left out, and needs to seek attention from their parents. As the child ages, they may become a people pleaser, and may need others to validate them by seeking attention. This causes the person to become dependent to define them, and thus without others, they would feel like nothing. So, they fear abandonment as a result.

Child annoying his mother

While lack of attention can cause the fear of abandonment, so can giving too much attention to the child. A child who is given too much attention may be unable to develop their unique personality, and may even feel controlled by their parents. This child can also become a people pleaser later in life and need others to define them. If a parent babies their child, giving them everything they want and desire, they will never learn that they cannot have everything, and thus fear when others cannot satisfy their desires.

Parents try hard to please their son. Parenting style concept

Those are some of the causes of the fear of abandonment. It all starts in childhood. But, what can remedy these problems when you are an adult?

Remedying the Fear of Abandonment

We’ve discussed what causes the fear of abandonment, but what can remedy it? The first step is to observe how you handle abandonment. What exactly goes through your mind, what actions do you take, and how do you cope with it. For example, if you go to great lengths so people will like you, doing things you do not want to do to please others, relying on others to define you, then you experience the fear of abandonment by pleasing others. On the other hand, maybe you are someone who fears abandonment so you cut people out of your life before they get the chance to hurt you. If that’s the case, then you experience the fear of abandonment by isolating yourself.

destroyed maze concept showing the man standing in a burnt labyrinth land

Once you have identified how you experience the fear of abandonment, you then can understand the cause of your fears. What has caused you to fear judgement from others to the point that you need to please them or cut them out before they can hurt you? Are any of the causes we discussed in the previous part similar to you? If so, then you have the answer as to what causes the fears.

Man scared with public opinion

It’s very likely your fears stem from childhood, so if that’s the case, then the most important tool is inner child work. The premise is to relax your body and mind, and envision your current adult self understanding and communicating with your inner child from the past. Even though your physical body may have matured, you still hold your child self inside, which is the core of the abandonment. An easy practice is to imagine you see your child self before you. Observe how they are, what they look like, and what their fears are. Then give them the attention they need, and reassure them that things will be fine. This will take many attempts, but each time you allow yourself to become more vulnerable so the true healing can happen. Resistance is natural at first, so keep at it because you will notice results.

Concept of inner child.

And finally, associate with people who will truly and genuinely be there for you. If you are a people pleaser, this means to find legitimate friendships. Those who please others often do not have genuine friends since they are presenting a false image of themselves for acceptance from their peers. Likewise, if you push people away, you may be rejecting those who have the potential to have a true connection. This all comes down to building up the confidence to express yourself without judgement. If you can get past the fear of what others think of you, changing for no one but yourself, then you will be living in a state of peace and attract those who truly know the real you, and thus are genuine connections.

Portrait of multi-ethnic friends in New york


Most of the fears of abandonment come from childhood trauma, which inner child work can help remedy. By being true to yourself and expressing who you truly are, you can and will attract those who are genuine and will be there for you through the roughest times. It may be hard getting to this point, but the benefits are worth it.

Let me know how this works for you. Thank you for being part of this amazing community. Have a wonderful day!

Additional Info

I have suffered greatly with abandonment, and managed to beat it. I followed these exact steps to combat it. I discovered the source of my fears, and where they originated from, and then worked intensely on overcoming them. To do this, I had to be abandoned by people I let get close to me to break the cycle. It hurt so much, but I managed to get through it and no longer have the fear of abandonment! Follow these steps and you can as well.

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October 25, 2019 6:00 PM

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