Meet My Alters / Personalities | Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

Meet my alters / personalities: Autumn, Iris, the Host, the Sexual Alter, and Unknown. Autumn and Iris are the protectors. The host is, well, the “real me.” The sexual alter is not one I want to talk about. And, the unknown one is rude, hateful, and threatening as it calls me a faker and liar.

(This was an extremely difficult video for me to do as I feel it exposes a lot about me. Thank you to all who watch it!)

—CHAPTERS—
3:55 – Protector #1 – Autumn
7:13 – Protector #2 – Iris
10:26 – Host
16:18 – Sexual Alter
21:49 – ? – Unknown

—RELATED VIDEOS—
► You Can Do It! (Multiple Personalities) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6B7P0S1K4ZA
► More Info About My Alters – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XK8emjf0fKY
► Proof of DID – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Quo8wP7ppfQ
► DID – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4j2yiCM-iM
► Alters – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMyehvmowU8
► DID Misconceptions – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSVd-lcgfRU
► My Past – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dn0aYm3Mik
► Meet My Alters (part 2) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNd6uIbvTcw
► Meet My Alters (part 3) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiLaNTBBBRs

Table of Contents

    Introduction

    Hi everyone! In this video I thought I’d introduce you to my various personalities. How this is going to work is several, but not all, are going to have a segment where they talk freely, without a script. The only part that is scripted is this beginning part. Because what they will say is unscripted and uncut, it is very difficult for me to do because I feel like some of it can be quite revealing. Things that I wouldn’t normally discuss or that are just not part of my character.

    The ones that will speak on their behalf are the protectors, Autumn and Iris, the host, the sexual alter, and some other one that I don’t know what is going on. So, many of these are actually shown in a short video I did some time ago. If you would like to view it, just click on the image up there. [You Can Do It] I really loved this video. It was fun to produce, thought was difficult to watch some of it because it brought back some bad memories.

    Anyway, there are a few things I would like to clarify first. When I say “I” in all these videos that I do, I do not mean “I” as in the personality talking to the camera. Rather, I am primarily referring to the dominant personalities. The host and both protectors are the ones that are in control almost all the time. So, that is what I mean by “I.” This video, however, will break that rule and when they say “I” they will mostly be referring to themselves, talking about themself in particular. [My Alters (More Info)]

    Another thing is, I realize all these personalities are me. Again, “me” meaning my entire person as a whole. Some people who dissociate from an aspect of themselves don’t acknowledge a particular side of them. I however have learned this and it helps tremendously since denial is very very bad and a big part of this disorder.

    Since I have been able to do this, it is quite easy for me to accept them. Additionally, the line is somewhat blurred between the dominant ones at least as they share many of the same characteristics. They can have different views and opinions on things, but I see them all as one in the same.

    Now, there are sides to myself that I still have a very difficult time accepting, particularly the sexual side. I say I’m not a sexual person at all, but have learned to step back from that statement and say, “You know what, I’m in denial, that’s a lie.” To me, since I denied my sexual side, I never even knew about it until I realized, “Yeah, I have a sexual side and it has a mind of its own.” Acceptance is very important.

    It is easy to switch on command when relaxed. I discussed this and how DID correlates with hypnosis in my proof of DID video if you are interested. [Proof of DID] However, this can really only happen for me when at home and alone, where I spend 95% of my time anyway. When I’m out or just in a very stressful situation, it may not be too great and can be uncontrollable and frustrating.

    So, let the introductions begin!


    Protector #1 – Autumn

    Hi, my name is Autumn. I am one of the protectors. How I like to view the protectors are, you have the host, and then you have the first protector which is me, and then you have the second one which is Iris. And these are how they correlate with the host. In other words, like how similar they are I guess to the host. I am the primary protector. I’m the one that is usually out most of the time. And, I’m also the one that is probably the most similar to the host in that I suffer with a lot of mental problems. Not as bad, I definitely can see things more logically and rationally. But, not as much as the second protector. So, I guess that’s kinda what I’m getting at by…you have the host all the way down here, and then me, and then the second one.

    So, I…well, I don’t know what else to say. I guess…this is my style. Just dark, black, Goth style. That’s just what I like. I don’t really know what else to say. I’m losing my train of thought. Well, I guess you could say I, you know, take a lot of the abuse for the host. Since I am the one that is usually out the most, any kind of thing that is said whether it be online or out in person, there certainly are probably the most amount of insults online, because that’s where I spend most of my time here on the Internet. So but, in person there’s definitely been some occurrences as well. So, I’m the one who just takes that and just kinda just laughs at it like, “Come on?!” I mean, if you’ve seen the Q&A videos that I do I just laugh at that crap that people say it’s so ridiculous.

    So, that’s primarily what I do. Other than that I guess there really isn’t too much to know about me. So, yeah!


    Protector #2 – Iris

    Hi, this is Iris. I am the second protector, but also not out as often. I am very optimistic and positive. I am generally more relaxed and calm. I really help the host with her mental problems. I do not really struggle with any kind of problems myself. I can get nervous at times of course. But, for the most part I am generally very positive, very optimistic, and very relaxed. I can see things very rationally and clearly. I am the one that the host really looks up to and would really like to be someday in terms of how I think and how I act because I am so positive and so easygoing, I guess you could say. I am also a very spiritual and philosophical person. I am also…regarding abuse I am able to let it go. I do not fixate my attention on it or obsess over it like the host unfortunately does.

    My style is very different from the other ones. They generally wear a lot of dark colors and I am the opposite of that. I generally wear a lot of whites and I like teals. I like to experiment differently with my makeup and I like to wear my hair a little differently, like generally I part it on the side versus in the center. I just like to do different things. Different things that I like that are unique and creative and really express who I am. Another thing is, I tend to talk a little different than the other ones. I think this is because of how relaxed and calm that I am. I tend to have a slightly higher voice at times. I also move my mouth a little differently I’ve noticed, like I can…you can tell like how my mouth is moving I can enunciate a lot better. I don’t have any real problems with stuttering or getting my words out. I can generally talk freely without any kinds of problems. And as I said, I guess this is because I can talk slower, get my words out, and I’m just overall more relaxed and calm and it’s not difficult for me to really do anything stressful because I can perceiver because of how calm and relaxed I am during it.

    So, that is pretty much me. Thank you for taking the time to listen about me!


    Host

    Hi. It’s very hard for me to do this video because I don’t like having videos of myself online. And, I see them on there and I don’t know why there are videos of myself on there. And, I do wanna delete them all. I don’t want anything to do with them or communicating with people. I don’t like talking with people. Especially with all the negative things people say. Because it may not seem like it affects me at all, but yeah it does. People saying rude, hateful things. Saying I just made a whole bunch of mistakes with things. And just, so many other things. And…I don’t know…

    Just, reading back those hateful, hateful things is just really really upsetting. And, I don’t know why there are videos of myself online saying things that I don’t talk about. I don’t get it. Because, I realize that at one point something was said that I didn’t delete any comments or anything and that’s a lie because I have. Because it was just too bad. And then it’s like I block the people on there and then they go away…and I don’t know what I’m doing anymore with that. I just wanted it to all go away. And thanks to stupid Google, all those bad comments are right up top, so yeah that’s even better. Because it’s already bad enough to read those comments and then to get them right up top and then a whole bunch of people liking the comment and agreeing with them, and then…yeah…Why?

    I mean even just the good ones are…well they’re not good at all because they’re all bad. Because what happened is the supposed good ones all have a hidden motive, people have. They do, yes they do. Because when I read a ‘good’ comment, it is not good. I don’t perceive it as good. Because what I see is a hidden motive just to make me think that it’s good, but it is really not good. And, it’s very very bad. So, I just…I don’t know what I’m doing on there. I don’t know why videos are on there. I don’t know why I’m talking about things on there. I don’t want to be on there. I just want to delete them all, not talk to anyone, not associate with anyone. That is what I want to do. Because I do not like people because they are very very mean. All of them. They all are. And, you can’t tell me otherwise. Because, if you do, if you say, if you say, “Oh, I’m not trying to do you harm. I’m not trying to hurt you.” You know what the first thing I’m going to think of is? That you’re trying to make me believe that you’re not but you really are. Because you are. So yeah.

    So, I recorded this video and I don’t want it online but this is going to go online, I know it. It sucks.


    Sexual Alter

    Hey guys and girls, it’s time for my introduction. What is my name? Well, my name doesn’t matter. All that matters is all this. All this. For you see, I am very good at seducing people. Just to get them to do what I want. Right now I am seducing you and you don’t even know it. It’s so easy to seduce, especially men. They are so easy. I don’t even have to do a single thing and they’re already working for me.

    So, what is there to know about me? What else would you like to know about me? Well, let’s see here. Let’s just say that I keep getting repressed. All the sexual desires I have keep getting repressed. And, that only makes me stronger. They keep trying to block me out, trying to make me seem like I am not worthy. And that only makes it worse for them because then that helps me become much more sexual.

    So, they say that they’ve never had sex. But come on, do you honestly believe all this has never experienced something? Well, I guess it depends on if you consider rape to be losing one’s virginity. Yes, I did that. But, that was back when I was a male. Yes, can you believe this was a male? I bet you can’t, not at all. Because you can’t tell. But, it’s so much nicer being a female now. So much easier to seduce men. But, what’s the difference? When I was a male, the hormones really, really made the sex drive really really high. I was much more active as a male. I was very kinky. I did a lot of crazy things that you’re not going to know anyone else that does. Not anyone. Now, there is no sexual drive. And that drives me crazy. Just like you right now watching this, you’re driving me crazy. I don’t even see you but you are.

    What else should I say? Let’s just say that it’s a lot nicer being a female now. As I said before, it’s a lot easier to seduce. But, I’m not allowed to be sexually involved. They have a lot of control over me. They really do. Well, as much as I would love to just take off my clothes right here on the camera, I can’t because it’s YouTube. You’ll have to find me on a different site. But, I’m not allowed. I’m not permitted to go on those sites. Oh well. Maybe one day if they keep blocking me out I’ll grow so strong that they won’t be able to control me. That’s my goal. They won’t be able to control me forever. So, until we see each other again, wishing you all a goodnight.


    ? – Unknown

    Alright, I’m making this video because this girl that you watch is fake. Totally fake. Everything she says is fake. I don’t get it. I don’t get why she keeps saying that. I keep saying…really? You’re going to play this game. Oh my gosh, no. We’re not going to play this game. I just keep saying that. Just totally, totally fake. I just, I don’t get it. How could anyone believe her…Oh, looks like I’m being fake now, aren’t I? Alright, let’s get real here, let’s get real. You wanna see real? I’ll show you real? Ok, I keep telling her just how fake she is. Just saying, “You are so fake.” Oh, I’m being fake right now that’s what I’m being. So fake. This is going to be all cut out. Fake. Fake. Fake. Fake.

    Alright look, I’m making this video because this girl that you watch on these videos is totally fake. Everything she says, everything she dealt with, fake. Well, you know, her experiences that she went through are not fake. But, just all these mental disorders? I mean, how could anyone exaggerate so much? And not only that, she thinks she’s helping people with that crap. How could anyone believe her, or how could she think that she’s helping anyone because of how fake she is? It really pisses me off because I keep saying how fake she is. And by ‘she’ I mean me, because it’s me. But, you know, just by saying that it’s like dissociating right there but it’s not. Because I am her and she is me. I keep saying that and she’s like, “Oh no, I’m not you.” And just, stupid, stupid…

    She just doesn’t listen. You know I say, “Why don’t you make a video, you know, apologizing to everyone for how fake you are. By how you’re saying all these lies. How much you’re exaggerating.” And all this stuff and she’s not going to do it. So, that’s why I thought I’d do it. But, I am her, she is me and she knows that. She plans everything. Everything is planned out beforehand. This conversation right here, this was planned out. This was recorded several times because I didn’t say the right things. And by me I mean her and she knows that.

    She is so fucking fake. Can’t you see that? Now, what she went through in her life, that is real with what she said. But, she exaggerates these mental problems so much. These people online who say that, this one person said, “Oh, you use these mental problems to make yourself seem more unique.” You know what they got it, they understand. And another message I had to record this after the fact. This person get’s it 100%:

    Message: I think you are a conniving person. Just a gut feeling about you based on what you say about yourself squared against your looks, knowledge and your persona. I’m thinking half of the personal details you share are embellishment/mistruth. Maybe you’ve learned to be dishonest/deceptive to help with your transgender trauma so I’m not labelling you a bad person ok. I hope I don’t trigger any bad feelings in you. Maybe I’m the paranoid one for saying this! Just I don’t buy a lot of what you’ve said.

    Yeah! Why can’t you all understand this and realize already that she is fake. Please don’t be oblivious to this. Open your eyes people.

    She just looks at that and just starts getting so upset. It’s like, “You know what? That person is right. Stop being fake, stop overthinking it, stop doing all this.” There is no multiple personality thing going on. There’s no mental problems going on. So, I don’t know.

    Now, I understand that people do struggle with these sort of things. But this girl, this one right here, no, she doesn’t. So, how could she possibly help anyone if she doesn’t experience it herself? She tries to turn this attention…just…I’m just getting very very angry at this. So hopefully, if she doesn’t cut this part out. Which you know what? She’s not going to cut this out because I’m sitting here saying, “Oh, she is gonna cut this out.” And, she’s not going to cut it out now because she’s going to prove me wrong. She’s going to put it online and we’ll see just how many people, how many people can see how fake she is and how many people she loses on there. That’s another thing. She just gets…when she sees these other people online who are like more popular making these types of videos, she gets so upset like, “Oh, I want all the attention. I want all those people.” And I’m just like, I just want to punch her in the fucking face.

    Alright, I’m going to say one more thing. And that one more thing is that she is fake. Don’t believe anything she says. Because I will know because I am her, she is me. I know what she does, she knows what I do, we all know what we all do because there is no ‘we’ there is only ‘I.’ She just overthinks it all, causes her own problems, and does her own thing. She only has herself to blame. So stupid. So fucking stupid. Don’t believe her, that’s all I’m going to say. Ok? Don’t believe her. That’s going to be the end of this video.


    So, I hope this video was informative and helped you get more insight into my world. Thanks for watching!

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    Notes

    Another video that I found extremely difficult to do. I felt so vulnerable and exposed after posting this. But, it helped bring clarity to my life. Due to my troubled and traumatic past, these personalities make a lot of sense as to why they are a part of me.

    For some reason, however, this video has received A LOT of views, making it over one million in just the first year. It’s my most popular video and I just don’t understand why. All the hate, people calling it fake, all the sharing to reddit and 4chan…I just don’t understand why that is.

    Also for some reason, YouTube keeps promoting it across completely irrelevant videos. Apparently people have come from videos of very popular channels like PewDiePie, Jenna Marble, and Shane Dawson. My content is nothing like their’s which explains the negative reaction people have with my video. Also, I’ve even seen my video in the suggested list next to a video titled, “Is My Vagina Ugly?” Thanks a lot YouTube. My personalities are ALL ugly vaginas apparently!