Hi everyone! In this video I thought I’d talk about alters, identities, and personalities as it relates to dissociative identity disorder as well as my different alters, identities, personalities, whatever you wish to call them. If you would like to know more about dissociative identity disorder, please watch my video on that. [Dissociative Identity Disorder]
This isn’t going to be a formal introduction of my personalities or anything. You’re not going to see the ones I talk about introduce themselves and speak on their behalf. I’m not really comfortable with that right now. [My Alters] However, there was a video I did where you saw six of them. If you would like to see that video, just click on the image right up here, or check the description of this video. [You Can Do It] Anyway, it was very interesting producing that. It was amusing to me, but also it was very difficult to watch because it brought back some bad memories.
Anyway, someone asked me if I have ever tried to name my different personalities? This is a very good question, and also one of concern. It differs for everyone, and also depends on the severity of the dissociation. Some individual’s alters may name themselves. They may already have a name, background, or anything else that would differentiate them from the host and other alters. Other individuals may not know any names. Some people may name them to tell them apart.
Additionally, for some people, there may not necessarily be a change in appearance, voice, or mannerisms. So, I will not be discussing these in this video. The primarily difference is mostly the personality of the alters, how they handle things, how they perceive things. But, this is all subjective since it comes down to the severity of the dissociation.
Personally, I would give names that they like and suit them. But, there is a word of caution I have regarding naming or differentiating different alters. The number one concern is that you do not want to dissociate from them even more. I find that some people distinguish these different identities, give them names, and other various information and end up detaching themselves even further from them. It is possible to make the dissociation worse, just by individualizing them.
The truth is, when you get right down to it, they are all parts of you. Perhaps parts that have been abused, neglected, or suppressed. But, they are all you. That is, when it comes to true dissociative identity disorder cases. Psychosis, mind control, and spirit possession are completely different topics of discussion.
I do not like, even though I have done it, to refer to myself and my different identities in plural terms. I do not like to use ‘we,’ ‘us,’ ‘them.’ Even though, yes, I have done it. I’m a hypocrite. But, I do not like this. Mainly because I find that this detaches me even more from them, which is something I do not want. Logically, I shouldn’t consider them to be different people, because as I said, they are not. They are all me in a sense. The idea of considering them to have different backgrounds, ages, or anything else that makes them different from the host identity is preposterous to me. I do not allow or acknowledge that for myself.
They won’t do anything that another wouldn’t do, at least not anything major. If one does something that another would not approve of, they will all take full responsibility because I think that is the appropriate thing to do. If someone says I did something I don’t remember doing that was out of character, I will take full responsibility and apologize, not deny it. All this because I do not want to dissociate even further. I am very serious about treatment.
I think this is one of the biggest obstacles that stands in the way of treatment for many people. To recognize that they are all that individual. Yes, they are real. Anyone saying that alters are fake or imaginary obviously doesn’t know enough about DID. But, coming to terms with it and realizing that they are all altered states of consciousness of that individual can be challenging and stressful. I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t overthink it since that can make it worse. You have to be calm and cautious, especially when coming to terms with the disorder. As well as not detach yourself even further.
With that being said, I’m going to discuss how these different alters, identities, and personalities can be created.
How Alters Are Created
From my observation, they can be created in several different ways. But, they are all one in the same in a sense.
One of the biggest causes people think is abuse. However, I don’t think it is so much the abuse as it is the feelings that come with abuse. For example, someone who is being routinely abused will want to escape from it, be in denial, or wish it happened to someone or something else. When they have no one to protect them, an alter may form to stand up for them to help them cope with it. Children may have imaginary friends that take the abuse for them. But technically, that imaginary friend or alter is a part of that child that was created. Hypnosis plays a very big role in dissociative disorders. I did briefly discuss this in my video on hypnosis. I’ll link to that specific part for anyone who is interested. [Self-Hypnosis]
So, it’s not so much the abuse that caused the dissociation, but rather the constant distress, need for escape, and imagining it happened to someone else. The power of thought is incredible. The abused individual unknowingly hypnotized themself to dissociate and create a personality that could help them cope. With that being said, it is possible to be hypnotized, even without abuse, and create any personality inside an individual, coming down usually to a trigger. I will have a separate video on the correlation between hypnosis and dissociative identity disorder since it is a very big component in the disorder. [Proof of DID]
Another reason an alter may be created is if you are lacking or suppressing something in your life. I know for me, this has been the case with a few. It is very unhealthy to bottle up your emotions. Overtime it begins to take a toll and cause a lot of stress. It may result in a different identity being created with those suppressed qualities. For example, if you keep suppressing your anger and rage, overtime an alter may be formed that is very angry and possess all the anger that you have suppressed. Now I’m not saying to let your anger out and hurt someone or yourself, but you need to channel it into something positive and enjoyable. For me, the top things would be meditation, music, exercise, and anything that would keep me entertained. I’m not suppressing it, but I’m letting it out constructively. And, that is something you have to do if you want to avoid the issues that can arise from suppressing your emotions.
So, I’m going to tell you all about my different alters, identities, and personalities.
I guess I should start by saying that what I’m going to discuss is from my own observation. I may not be aware of all the identities I have and understand them completely. Another thing to keep in mind for me at least, being a male to female transgender/transsexual, makes things so much more confusing and complex. It’s like, “Do the alters that were there prior to transitioning transition as well?” The answer for me is yes with most of them. But, I have to say, just being transgender can lead to very severe dissociation. Because it’s like, I was born into a body that didn’t reflect who I really was on the inside. I was not that person, so I detached myself from my body because it wasn’t right. Once I was finally living in the right body, things started to come together and the dissociation became association. Of course, there are many other issues I have beside this one that I need to overcome, but I’m slowly getting there.
So, I believe many individuals have some common identities. As a quick guide for me, there is the host identity, the protector, the child, the sexual one, the angry one, and unknowns and fragments. Some do not come out that often, if ever, but I know they exist. I will try my best to discuss all of these, how they were created, and their role or purpose.
The host identity is the primary one. The one that is the core and center of it all and is also generally the one that is the most vulnerable, under protected, and abused. So to compensate, alters were created to help the host cope with things that it could not on its own. Other than that, there isn’t too much to say about the host.
Protectors are those that help defend the host or other identities. They are generally the ones that take the abuse after they are formed and may be unaffected by it. For me, I seem to have several protectors. Two of which come out and control the body and another doesn’t. None of these truly understand mental illness because it is not as severe for them as it is the host, and sometimes finds it weird what the host thinks, primarily the paranoia and delusions, because they are not logical thoughts to them.
The protectors seem to also be the ‘public entities.’ In other words, they are the ones that generally go out into public and are much more socially involved than the host. Again, to compensate for the fact that the host cannot go out and do those things. Another role is standing up to bullies and dealing with abuse and negative comments. For example, when they are out in public and someone says something negative about their appearance, it doesn’t affect them at all. They just laugh about it.
Also, when going online and reading negative comments on here for another example, there will be an immediate switch from the host identity to one of the protectors. And the same thing happens, they just laugh at it and are unaffected by such comments. However, when there isn’t a switch, because sometimes there isn’t, then the host becomes severely affected by the comment and becomes very upset and depressed. To avoid this, the protectors usually take the abuse and are indifferent towards it.
There is a child identity, pretty sure just one. Usually around five to ten years old. It’s been there for as long as I remember. People can tell when she is out. She is just very innocent and playful, yet very annoying to others. I mean, many people can find it weird to see a person over the age of 20 acting like a five year old. It’s not weird. I don’t really know too much about this one.
There is a sexual identity. It has always been there it seems. I believe it may have surfaced by the host suppressing sexual thoughts and urges. Back when the body was living as a male, it wasn’t as bad. But now, since the host tries and hides the sexual side more, the sexual identity comes out more.
It was a male a majority of the time prior to transitioning, bisexual. It would consider having sex, just for sex, no connection or anything, which is something all the others do not approve of or like. They all would need a very strong connection with someone before engaging in sex.
When transitioning, the mostly male became mostly female. I say ‘mostly’ because it can change, despite what the body is. She is still bisexual and much more willing to have sex. Since now, after surgery, having sex with a guy would be better than if it was before surgery. The host repressed those feelings and desires and it feed this sexual identity. Not great.
The angry one is probably the most feared. It is a male and has been there for a long time. It was much more active before the host was able to love herself and find peace. It is a sociopath, doesn’t care who it hurts emotionally, physically. It’s really scary. It is the side that the host has the least control over.
There was one night where it felt like a battle in my head. Was just starting to lie down to bed when this angry side started to take control and kick out everyone else. It was a struggle and felt like losing control of everything. It said terrible things of how it would hurt people. One of the protectors ended up fighting it off and regained control over the body. It was one of the most terrifying and startling things.
Unknowns & Fragments
Lastly, there are unknown parts and fragments. Ones that cannot really be described and not much is know. There is a male, it doesn’t seem to be the same male that the host was prior to transitioning, though it might be. I don’t know. I’m mostly certain that some of these unknown identities have some memory of abuse, especially that from childhood, since none of the other ones have any significant knowledge of it.
Alters With Disorders
There is something I want to bring up regarding other mental disorders. It is possible to have any other mental disorder and DID. You could have ten different identities each with a different personality disorder. However, what may be confusing to some is that if it’s not consistent across the entire system, on all the alters, that raises the question if you really have that disorder.
For example, if one of your alters has bipolar, but none of the other ones do, that seems kinda suspicious. Many people may think you are faking. However, at the same time, I believe the power of the mind is limitless. I believe it is possible to cure oneself of pretty much anything by thought alone. Hypnosis plays a big role when it comes to this. Here’s why, if someone has been hypnotized into believing that they cannot walk. They know in the back of their mind that they cannot walk. No matter how hard they try, they cannot move their legs. But, there is nothing physically wrong with their legs, so they should be able to move them, but can’t.
Ah, hopeful that’s starting to make sense now? In this case of one alter having bipolar, it’s because the other alters have not been programmed to have the disorder, or vice versa, the one with bipolar has been programmed to have it. That’s the huge connection with DID and hypnosis. But, I’ll have a separate video on that. [Proof of DID]
Personally for me, the host suffers the most from the mental disorders, primarily the delusions associated with schizophrenia. First off, DID should not be confused with schizophrenia. But, it is possible to have both. Anyway, the symptoms of schizophrenia are present in all the identities as well, just the severity changes. For example, the host’s delusions are very real. The protector’s look at that logically and says, it can’t be real, despite the fact that the delusions are still present in them.
The other main component is the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. These include social isolation and inappropriate expression of emotions, or lack there of. These symptoms are present in all the identities as well. Which is probably the most toughest thing to deal with for me.
On another note, now that I recognize that the sexual side feeds off repressed sexual desires and urges, I believe a big step to help with this would be to learn to allow sexual thoughts and urges to come naturally. There is nothing wrong with that, it is natural. I am slowly learning how to do this sort of thing with all aspects of my personality. Because, as I said before, I am very serious about treatment to the point where it no longer negatively impacts my life.
Having these different identifies has been pretty much how I can analyze myself objectively, form the third person and how I manage to comprehend things about myself that I may not have been able to if they didn’t exist. There are benefits to having multiple personalities, but not when it negatively impacting your life, or anyone else’s. Which it does for me at times. If you’re frustrated by it or hurting other people, then that may be a sign to get help to learn to deal with it. In the end, it may be difficult, but anything is possible when you believe in yourself and are persistent.
Well, I hope this video was informative. Thanks for watching!
Another DID (dissociative identity disorder) video about alters and personalities. I discussed how alters may form, usually from abuse or from a reason that caused the individual to dissociate, as well as a bit about my own personalities I have recognized within myself. It was also interesting to explore how different personalities can have different disorders and characteristics.